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My girlfriend cheated on me with an ex-boyfriend. We decided to stay together and try to work things out. I told her that there will need to be some changes made and one was to remove the cheating ex from here friends list and un tag the pic that I can view because of the ugly reminder. Do I have right to?

maddog10 asked in Questionland FAQs over 2 years ago | Report

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Hell yeah, you do. She needs to sever all contact with him if she values your relationship. This is is a chance to renegotiate all of the things that are making your relationship go south. If you don't address the underlying problems, things won't get better. That means you will have to listen to her, too.

But, really... The old "once a cheater, always a cheater" chestnut has some truth to it. Unless you have some inextricable ties to her like kids or a mortgage, it might not be worth your effort to reconcile. And you might have lingering resentment for quite some time.

Sorry to get all cynical on you, but I speak from experience. Your results may vary, of course.

kitschnsync answered in Questionland FAQs over 2 years ago | Report

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Yup.

Normally, exes are OK as FB friends, but not after the incident. Ex has to go.

Fnarf answered in Questionland FAQs over 2 years ago | Report

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I think that's a reasonable request, although some of your gf's friends who don't know the story might get inquisitive ("hey, why'd you un-friend so-and-so?").

In the end, it comes down to how important it is to you and how important it is to your gf. If you make it an ultimatum and she doesn't want to do it, well then, it's time to go your separate ways, right? If you'd simply *prefer* that she do it, but it's not a game changer for you, that's a different story. Just figure out how important it really is for you and play accordingly.

Best of luck!

Urgutha Forka answered in Questionland FAQs over 2 years ago | Report

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DTMFA

Cedarthvader answered in Questionland FAQs over 2 years ago | Report

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Absolutely. Facebook has far-reaching fingers, and sometimes, they reach out and touch someone we want nothing to do with. This definitely includes anyone who affects your relationship negatively.

lf she hadn't cheated on you with him, l might tell you to suck it up and get over your jealousy, and let them be friends. But since it's clear you have every reason to be concerned, l don't think this is an unreasonable request at all. While l've never cheated or been cheated on, l hope that you're taking other measures to ensure this doesn't happen again, and to be clear if that effort is worth it. lt's very, very hard to trust someone when this kind of boundary has been broken, so don't worry if you're being too restrictive. Some of this is simply to protect and reassure you, not a revenge tactic to make her life hell.

freikja answered in Questionland FAQs over 2 years ago | Report

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WTF. I'm going to wax curmugeon here, but:

Instead of working out your online "reality", how 'bout pay attention to what's really going on in real life?

If you can't tell if it's working out from the time your spend together... and cannot trust her enough ONLINE that you have to force her to 'remove from list' then you aren't really giving her the effort nor forgiveness she needs to move on. i.e. Even if she puts the work into it to make it work, YOU aren't ready to.

In short... yes you have the right in any relationship to request whatever you want, but she's also got the right to DTFMA when you want to both hate her for the bad choice AND 'love' her.
You're being possessive and it's a slippery slope to planet Ike Turner. Don't go there.

Rev.Enant answered in Questionland FAQs over 2 years ago | Report

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Sure, you have a right to request this. I don't blame you. But since you're asking the question after you told her this then I don't know if she's going to honor your request even if you come back and tell her QL voted in your favor.

Assuming she told you that you didn't have the right to ask her that, what do you do now?

CleverScreenName answered in Questionland FAQs over 2 years ago | Report

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I would say you absolutely have the right to ask her to do this. But be careful with drawing your lines--if you don't respect or trust her anymore, or find that you feel the need to monitor and try to control her behavior, you need to let her go. (I'm not suggesting you're a controlling bastard, just pointing out that sometimes trying to recover from cheating leads people to crave more power and control over both their relationship and their partner.)

Sphinx answered in Questionland FAQs over 2 years ago | Report

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You have a right to ask her to do this but she has a right to refuse. And then you'd have to decide if this is worth breaking up over. For your sake I hope she doesn't refuse but trying to control your partner's friends circle is a quick and easy way to start a fight that leads to a breakup.

tal answered in Questionland FAQs over 2 years ago | Report

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