I think your concerns about Poly being a fancy term for people who just want to cheat, or have their cake (and pussy, and cock) and eat it too are valid.

That said, plenty of people in "traditional" relationships are also "immature douches who fear commitment and seek validation through sex."

Personally, my main issue with Polyamory is it took me forever to find ONE person I could stand being around all the time, and I love the fuck out of him, but even so, every relationship takes a shit-ton of work. Just the thought of all the extra work a third or fourth person would bring to the table exhausts me.

Like most things having to do with human beings, it's never truly just black-and-white. Human behavior runs a spectrum; most of us fall into the large part of the bell-curve in the middle, where monogamy is the norm, regardless of our orientation. But, there are those who tend more toward the extreme ends of the same spectrum of behavior and attitudes, the outliers if you will, who, at one end, practice some type of relationship behavior that could be characterized as a form of polyamory, while those at the other end may be practicing celibates.

Not that polys can't be "immature douches who fear commitment or seek validation through sex", but heck, that could describe quite a few people who self-identify as monogamist as well, so I'm not sure it's the best argument against identifying as poly as opposed to any other relational orientation.

this is the same a the person who asked what the difference between gay and queer is and then said he did not think he was queer, just gay. Every person who is gay is also queer and a fagot. They all describe the same thing with varying degrees of moral superiority.

Nomenclature is how we normalize the abnormal and show acceptance of peoples' right to their own pursuits. Polyamors are just as valid as any other social form and also just as self-serving and dysfunctional.

I'm poly, and know lots of people who are; I would say that most of the polyfolk I know are basically sensible people doing a pretty good job of it, but that data sample is self-selecting because I have no time for bullshit :)

I have certainly met people who are doing poly for various wrong reasons, and eventually, like an indigestible plastic capsule in the gullet of a hungry goat, they tend to get shat out of the system. But the assholes, douchebags, people who treat polyamory like Pokemon ("Gotta catch 'em all!), and the spineless tagalongs who do it because their SO really wants them to, don't invalidate the concept.

Polyamory is great in theory, but I've never met the poly group that made me go, "ahh, yeah, that's what I want". Mostly it's a lot of enthusiastically nonmonogamous guys with female partners who seem pretty disenchanted with sharing. I'm sure there are exceptions. I just haven't personally met any.

In fact, the poly people I've had in my life lately are causing me to seriously reconsider whether monogamy is all that bad. Both seem to be mostly untenable. At least monogamy is easier to schedule.

I've met people, and have had friends, who definitely were doing it more because they thought it was something they SHOULD be ok with. In fact I think that there are some people who can be easily coerced into trying sexual practices they aren't really all they turned on by simply because they think being ok with the acts means they should give it a try.

That said, I believe polyamory can be real, both in the sense of polygamy and in the sense that people in successful polyamorous relationships have probably readjusted their expectations as far as what a relationship, in general, means to them.

Clarify what you mean... "is it bs"... what, the lifestyle? the term? The concept? The practice?

Some people who claim to be polyamorous are immature or seek validation through sex and are masquerading behind fancy nomenclature that makes them sound all evolved and superior to monogamous people.

These types of people are no different than those that some that wear designer clothes or shop at Nordstroms simply to impress others, or drive a BMW to impress others and make them feel superior to them.

It's definitely not everyone who is polyamorous anymore than that describes every Nordstroms shopper or owner of a BMW.

Some use the term for their own selfish reasons to justify getting some on the side. Some are really just screwing around without ever really being in a true polyamorous relationship. But these people rarely last long in these situations and their primary relationship blows-up or they just disappear.

In fact, a friend and I were talking about this a few weeks ago, how we see new people at the local polyamory get-togethers a couple of times and when they discover that being polyamorous is more than just adding another woman to their bedroom for sexual purposes they disappear realizing it's just more work than they want to put forth. All they really want to do is have a threesome with a bisexual single female.

Morally superior? No. Morality means goodness, or the act of being good to others. So I'd say some think they are more evolved and superior to others, but not morally superior.

Overall I don't think that the percentage of people in polyamory that act the way you describe is any different than the percentage of people in general society that does. Some people are just selfish, egotistical jerks, regardless of the relationship(s) they are in.

I love that you had the b***s to write this!

This perfectly expresses my view of polyamory, although to say so in most "progressive" circles these days is to expose oneself to eye-rolling by those who are not so "narrow-minded."

I was recently involved with a "polyamorous" person. We were introduced through mutual friends, none of whom are polyamorous, BUT who all assured me he was "a great guy," along with frequent repetitions of the now-classic refrain, "Well, at least polyamorous people are honest and open with their partners."

Bullshit. Polyamory, whatever else it may or not be, is NO guarantee that your romantic partner is going to be honest with you about his other flirtations, relationships, romantic friendships, sexual non-freindships, whatever. At least in my limited experience, it is definitely another term for, "I will do whatever I want, and I don't need to take your feelings into account, ever, no matter how much I say I love you and care about you." I was actually told that it would be "wrong" to ever take my feelings into account, because the "principle" of polyamory was to "transcend" petty feelings like jealousy. Monogamy is all about "possessiveness" you see. Not about wanting to protect something private and special between 2 people. If he ends up asking out the waitress from your memorable, "special" fist date, you are wrong to have any negative feelings about this. Or insecure. It couldn't possibly be that your "polyamorous" boyfriend is a self-centered douche.

I am a member of the polyamory group in Seattle. Polyamory is what you make it. For some people it borders on swingers, others it is an excuse to have lots of partners (some are "immature douches", some "fear commitment" or "seek validation" -- just like monogamous people), and for others, like me, it is about long-term relationships with more than one person -- some sexual and some not. It's about love, not sex, at least for me. It's about accepting that normal people, during their lifetime, have more than one meaningful relationship, sometimes at the same time as others, and that the goal is to be honest and open with everyone involved, instead of lying and sneaking around. So it is also about honesty and communication. We are not "morally superior", as it is a choice for what makes an individual comfortable, some people want and need monogamy. It is not about "trendy nomenclatures" or "being evolved" but rather making choices based on what the individual wants or needs. Some people are just naturally polyamorous, like me.

I think it can be real. It takes all kinds, after all. I can't fathom doing it myself, but I can fathom that the human condition is diverse enough for true polyamorous persons to exist.

But yeah, I also think that 9/10 folks who claim to be polyamorous are also just "immature douches" (and etc.).

Well, I don't really know about all of it, but I do know that it is definitely trendy nomenclature...I do think some of it is like the college girl "I kissed a girl" thing...do you know what I mean???

Anything can be bullshit. Look at the people involved, and use your common sense. Polyamory has so many definitions by so many people that it is much like religion. The retoric can be used by anyone and abused by anyone. Your intentions will define your actions, and your actions will reveal you for what you are. Genuine, or bullshit. ...maybe a little of both.

So what is your question? It looks like you are just listing things that are wrong with people. You even stated you would happily do it again.

If your question is, "is polyamory bullshit?" then I believe the answer would be the same as the answer "is relationships bullshit?". Sometimes they work and sometimes they do not!

I have met people who are very happy being single, being in a long term monogomous, serial monogomous, and polyamorious relationships. I have met many people triing to fit into the mold of a single long term mono relationship, and being very miserable!

We are each individuals, with different needs and wants. We should be able to seek out the relationship that works for us.

Personally I have not seen anybody that portrays themself as "evolved and morally superior". I have seen them happy, comfortable, and confident in who and what they are.

I would also like to ask what makes a long term relationship superior to one that is short term?

I can say that we are very commited to each other. If you say long term relationships are better, we have been together longer then any of our mono friends!

It can work, just has to be the right situation/people/time. No idea if it can work very long term, but no strong reasons why it wouldn't (three people more complicated than two, four more complicated than three...?). World is judgemental though.

No, it's not bullshit. That doesn't mean there aren't those that are opposed to the idea, nor does it mean there aren't those who are looking for something a relationship - poly or not - wlll provide. lf it's continuously anti-social and problematic, that'll be clear.

I think it's bullshit but I usually keep that to myself unless somebody comes out and asks like they really want to know what I think. Because if nobody asked, well then why should they care what I think about what they do?