Google and dating etiquette for Questionland Seattle

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Google and dating etiquette

You're involved in an email exchange with someone you met through a dating site and you've learned enough particulars to Google them. Do you? If so, do you reveal any information you gleaned via Google on the 1st date or do you keep mum?

Ed Eve Snifter asked in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report

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e.strange

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I think it's understood that anyone can Google you at any time, so it's fair game. Just be aware that if the person you're internet stalking has a blog or website, they will most likely have analytics that can show details about the traffic on their site. They'll be able to see that someone accessed their site via google if you click through directly, as well as the time of day, your OS, your browser, your ISP, etc. So, if you want to be stealth about it, don't Google from a location that might be obvious. For example, if you look at their website from work, your employer's name will likely be shown as the ISP. If the person in question knows where you work, they'll know it was you.

I say this as someone with a website who has been googled/internet stalked by people I've met through dating sites. I don't actually mind it when this happens - I don't give out my last name until I'm ready to be Googled. I say Google away. I just thought you might want to know that the person you're googling might be aware of it even if you don't tell them.

e.strange answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report

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kitschnsync

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Computer mediated communication has rapidly become the dominant way that people exchange information. Given everything that is out there, it's a bit naive to think that it won't be discovered. And if you meet someone online, doubly so; you know they are net-savvy and interested in you.

Should you let them know what you've found? Probably, but like all knowledge, it should be used thoughtfully. For instance, there's nothing wrong with letting it slip that you've seen pics of their dog on Facebook. But you might not want to mention the drunk driving incident from last year that you found on the police blotter. Unless, of course, you like making your date uncomfortable.

Similarly, you should use discretion when you talk about the amount of time you've spent investigating them. If you've googled their name and looked at some early results, so what? Very few people would be creeped out by that. If you've looked at every picture they've taken over 5 years on Flickr and tell them so, you might come off a tad obsessive, and rightfully so.

With all that said, you are under no obligation to state your findings, and certainly not on a first date. But it would give you something to talk about!

kitschnsync answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report

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Most of us internet nerds google and facebook stalk potential dates. It is almost becoming common practice.

But do we tell them or bring it up? No way.

Unless you think they are internet nerdy cool too, and probably facebook and google stalked you back - then you could probably share a laugh. Just don't be weird about it.

Basil answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report

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It's not stalking until you pay one of those spy services.

Fnarf answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report

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Don't do it, leave a little mystery. Then when you go out with this person your interest is more sincere.

Mr_Friendly answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report

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I think it depends on context. I went out with a guy a couple times, after which he Googled my name and found my blog. He then emailed me about it and complimented my writing. If anything, it was kind of sweet and definitely not creepy.

On the flip side of that, a guy I keep running into contacted me through a networking site. I foolishly responded to him directly, giving him my last name. He then Googled me, also found my blog, and emailed me to ask me about it. I freaked. In that context, especially when he had previously asked me out and I had rejected him, made the whole thing very creepy and stalkerish.

Unless you really hit it off with your date, I say keep mum if you've Googled them. And if you think letting it slip by accident is a possibility, try to avoid the temptation.

keshmeshi answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report

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