How long have you known the groom? How long have you known the two of them together? That's always a good place to start. "I've known Tom for 10 years and after he found Jared I honestly can't remember how I put up with him those first 6 where they weren't together ~duh dum ching~"

Keep it mostly sentimental, throw in a couple playful jabs at the groom but nothing too raunchy and cap it off by including everyone. Get a smile on everyones' face as they raise their glasses and it will be a success.

I like to start by ostentatiously unfolding a paper and reading "dear owner of the red Audi, I just hit your car, and the people across the street think I'm writing down my phone number, but I'm not -- whoopsie! Wrong paper!"

You can't go wrong with the old pull a triangle of decrepit toasted bread out of your pocket routine, saying "this toast is from my own wedding" and handing it to them.

Hey, the little kids sometimes laugh.

go with the irish, they have great toasts. "To a long life and a healthy one! to a good wife and a pretty one!"

Make sure to introduce yourself and explain how you know the groom! I've noticed that a huge percentage of toast-givers neglect to do this, and it always feels strange to watch someone give this intimate, heartfelt speech when you don't even know what their name is. Introducing yourself also shows your audience that you're addressing them as well as the newlyweds.

As for subject matter, you can't go wrong with a mildly-embarrassing-but-good-natured example of what the groom was like before he met his lady (or fella) followed by something sweet you've observed about the two of them together. When I had to give a toast for a friend's wedding, I talked about how the bride has a long history of befriending shy and socially awkward people. When I heard her complaining about the couch her then-boyfriend had found on the sidewalk and dragged home, I knew they were a good match because they both see beauty in unexpected places. (When in doubt, error on the side of cheesy.)

Keep it short - people want to drink and party, not listen to a speech - keep it real (talk about why you're the best man - in other words, why the guy trusts you not to fuck up his wedding), and unless you're at a resort in the Catskills, don't go overboard on the corny humor. And don't drink beforehand.

Finish with something sweet about how you hope they'll wake up every morning still happy to be with each other. Something like that.

Having given a couple of these things, I think it's probably a good idea to steer away from any canned jokes for the most part. Keeping it relatively short, sweet, and to the point is a good idea. I tell a couple of jokes, make everyone laugh, say one or two poignant things, give the actual toast and then get the fuck out of there.

But I've always been fond of this closer: "To the bride and groom, may you love each other more than yesterday but less than tomorrow."

I've always liked this Irish toast:
Walls for the wind, and a roof for the rain, and drinks beside the fire.
Laughter to cheer you and those you love near you, and all that your hearts may desire.

Short A. Sourdough.

Real A: Is there a particular religion/spiritualness tied to this wedding?

You might look at: http://questionland.com/questions/11557-what-is-a-tolerable-christian-reading-for-an-atheist-wedding

Though Fnarf's toast gag in indeed the "best man toast-of-the-year"

Don't forget to remind everyone how she was almost YOUR bride, and "really ought to be after that one drunken night at Red Robin and then the Edgewater... whoooweee that cowgirl can drink".