Sex & Relationships

5 Answers

• If he was sexually abused or raped in prison, which is not funny and more common than you might expect, he may be having trouble getting aroused, since sex = misery + shame for him now. I'm not saying this is it, but if it is, it's likely to be an extremely difficult topic for him to discuss, maybe impossible. I wouldn't even know where to begin, but if there's some way you can get him to have a look at http://www.justdetention.org/en/resourceguides.aspx and maybe seek out some counseling, I would do it. Fnarf answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 month ago | Report 11 0 1 comment by O my captain… fnarf's idea may be right on, but the real person you need to be asking about this is him. Plus, whether or not he'll go with you, you might find speaking with a counselor to be very helpful to you to sort out your feelings and also answer some questions about this situation that we just can't. O my captain commented about 1 month ago | Report Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

• I was locked up for a stretch back in New Jersey over 20 years ago. It affects a person. Without knowing any partiulars in your case, I'd say that your hubby has some form of whatever PTSD is and he'll probably be able to sort his head out himself with some time and distance- like I did. Having said that, get some cialis for him. One good fucking without hard-on issues may be what he needs to remember just how good sex with you can be. Right now getting it on is packed with so much baggage for him he may just need that wee tear drop pill to get his puddin' pumpin' independent of his cluttered head. Your own self image can be factor as well. Chances are your hubby isn't down with traditional therapy. If your hubby isn't a dangerous drunk, I would recommend both of you getting soused for the sake of getting soused and talk. Not about anything heavy necessarily. Just re-acquaint yourselves with each other. Go on a cheap date and let things progress.... Tom answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 month ago | Report 8 0 1 comment by O my captain… Just how does one "get some cialis for him"? Considering you need a prescription, doesn't he have to be the one seeing the doctor for this? O my captain commented about 1 month ago | Report Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

• Karla Pacheco

  You'd have to ask him if he's no longer attracted to you, but it seems pretty clear that YOU find yourself unattractive now, and you might be projecting your self-disgust onto him. People tend to idealize their partner while they're separated (military deployments, distance to due work/school, prison), and expect that they'll pick up right where they left off once they're back together. While in reality, both people change during the time apart. In your case, physically, but you've both also gotten used to different routines, had new experiences, and are not the same people that you were when he went to prison. Like many people, the reality of living together again isn't anything like how you fantazized it would be when you were missing him. It doesn't mean your marriage is over, you just have to start over as the people you are now, instead of longing for "how things used to be." Obviously your husband has a lot of other adjustments to make, depending on how long he was locked up. The stress of that could also be contributing to his lack of sexual virility/interest. You need to talk to him honestly and openly, and be prepared to hear some hurtful things if your weight is indeed the problem. But it sounds like both of you could use some counseling - most communities have free or sliding-scale clinics. Or look online for resources and support from people in the same situation, either due to prison or military deployments. Good luck! Karla Pacheco answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 month ago | Report 6 0 Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

• ok, i can kinda sort relate to just the separation/change in body type thing, though i agree the trauma of prison is definitley a factor. i have a temporary colostomy bag and feel like a nasty lump of nasty, which caused me and my bf to go without for...well a long time. but finally i decided to ovary up, and he gave me an amazing full body massage, with absolutely no implication of sex . did my back first, while communicating about my body and hid fondness for it. when he was done with my back, i was comfortable enough that I rolled over for him to massage my front, fully exposing the bag to him (he isnt grossed out by it, I AM) with no embarrassment...afterward i gave him a similar massage. just touching each other all over helps you to reconnect after a period of abscence and when you body changes in ways that you feel are dramatic (even if they are not to your partner) and you aren't stretched out, those things are built to pass small humans, they bounce back. sallybobally answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 month ago | Report 2 0 1 comment by TVDinner Redux… Wow, Sally. That's some amazing honesty. Good luck to you. TVDinner Redux commented about 1 month ago | Report Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

• Rev. Smith

  It's not you, it's him. Please stop feeling you've created his dysfunction: you most certainly haven't (Unless you are the one who put him in jail, in which case a)what are you doing still together? b)you guys are sooo doomed). All the ideas here are good ones. IMO, it sounds like he's simply turned off by sex. Could be long term, could be a passing thing that'll get better in a few weeks. Perhaps he's finding himself now turned on by things he never was before, and he doesn't know how to broach the subject to you that his tastes /kinks have changed in the time that's passed...? How long was he in? His lack of hardest of hardons could just be AGE; if he was a throbbing rock hard stud at age 20, and he's now 50, MANY men aren't the same young studs (going as hard/deep/thick) as they were 3 decades back. If it's been more like 3 months of jail, then MAYBE he's got serious sex-association problems, likely, as everyone's mentioned, from sexual abuse/rape in the prison setting (or even witnessing others abused/traumatized). It could also be that he's contracted an STD. You may need to ask frankly if he had sex while in, and ask him to get tested. If it's been a few years, and he's not been sexually traumatized, he might also just be transitioning from the sensation of masterbation-orgasm to sex-orgasm again: he likely had the same issue after first going in - i.e. Getting used to not having 2-person intercourse and figuring out how to, literally, enjoy himself, might have taken some effort or self-programming. It will likewise take some de-programming / transition time to get 'back' and used to enjoying you again and to leave behind his sexy partner ('Hand Solo'). Did it occur to you he might feel the same negative way about his body after all this time? Going grey, hairs popping up where there used to be none, muscle tone messed up, etc : he might feel like a wreck himself. My very strong recommendation would be for a sexy relaxation day / romantic date: a day at the spa with sexy massages and positive body-imaging, a wine & dine candlelit dinner, a nice view and some great music. Perhaps a movie with actors/actresses you both think are hawt. In this plan, you MUST leave intercourse OFF the itinerary, but just re-connect to how desirable you each are to one another. That Journey song about life on the road, with the lyrics "two strangers learn to fall in love again.... I get the joy of re-discovering you'? That's you guys right now. It'll be work. Best luck, sh38. Rev. Smith answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 month ago | Report 1 0 Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.