Don't be an Asp-hole for Questionland Seattle

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Don't be an Asp-hole

so every single Aspergers and relationships book/information I come across is super depressing, and TOTALLY devoid of sex stuff, just focusing on how "difficult" folks with aspergers (i will NOT call them aspies) are, and how the neurotypical partner (ususally a hetero woman) will struggle valiantly through a rarely emotionally rewarding but totally safe relationship...which is some shit, because i am in a DISGUSTINGLY happy relationship with a man w/ aspergers and i'm (more or less) neuorotypical. are there actually asp-positive books out there? or is this something me, my anectdotal evidence and my MFA should tackle with minor input from friends with undergrads in psych?

sallybobally asked in Books & Writing about 1 year ago | Report

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You're not really asking a question, are you?

elenchos answered in Books & Writing about 1 year ago | Report

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I haven't read this book yet, but I know the guy who wrote it:

Autistics' Guide to Dating by Jody Ramey and Emilia Ramey

The guy who wrote it has Asperger's and he and his wife wrote the book.

Kristin Bell answered in Books & Writing about 1 year ago | Report

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I don't have an answer to your first question, but have you ever read Penelope Trunk's blog? She has Aspergers and occasionally writes about sex and relationships. And if your second question is an overly wordy way of asking if you should write this missing book, feel free to do so.

paeonia answered in Books & Writing about 1 year ago | Report

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If you do decide to tackle the subject, I could contribute the less-common female perspective (I'm an Aspie, and happily married to a perfectly normal-type person).

Pop psych books of any type are usually pretty much crap. They're like support groups - they're aimed at the people in the worst circumstances, and they tend to have a "can you top this" mentality. Aspies exist across a broad continuum. My own family bears this out - my oldest brother is so severe that he's essentially autistic, and I'm an Aspie, but definitely borderline. Most people just think I'm kind of socially inept, or oddly rude. It's hard to write a relationship book for people living with high-functioning Aspies, because most high-functioning Aspies and their partners figure these things out themselves. So the books are aimed at the extreme cases, the ones who are basically autistic.

Probably the hardest thing about living with one of us is that we will say things that are hurtful without meaning to, and will never think to say the things that one longs to hear from one's loved ones. I know I'm terrible about both. And I have a huge advantage over most other Aspies, in that I do at least know that. Still doesn't keep me from basically being a jerk without meaning to.

Geni answered in Books & Writing about 1 year ago | Report

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