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  7 0 Here's what you say: "look, you know and I know that I'm not a big fan of your fellow, but that doesn't matter. You do what you gotta do, and I'm your friend, so I'll support you all the way." And then that's what you do. You put up with it. Fnarf answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

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  6 1 She already knows he isn't right for her; you said that in your first paragraph. Therefore, anything further you say is likely to only make her defensive. Much as we'd like to save our friends from obvious mistakes and pain, their lives are their own to live. It's a no-win for you to get involved. Just be there for her when it blows up, and try to refrain from "I told you so." If you know anyone who might be able to lure her away from Mr. Wrong, now might be the time to subtly throw them together. ;-) Geni answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

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  3 0 "Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something." Just as you can't keep your friend from getting in a car accident or eaten by a shark, you can't keep your friend from getting hurt or making a big mistake. You can advise behavior that will reduce the risks from one direction, but people are perverse and at a certain point that becomes counterproductive. And your friend could get hurt anyway by falling in love with the guy, marrying and having a great life, then having her heart torn out when he's hit by a truck. Everyone knows what everyone thinks, so it's time to back off unless invited. You say it's only been a couple of months, so I think that it's premature to worry about rings. If they get engaged, you can ask again (once) if she thinks they're a good match for marriage if you're still concerned. CleverScreenName answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report 1 comment by Sphinx… 0 0 Thumbs up for the Princess Bride quote! (The book is also hilarious, in case you haven't read it.) Sphinx commented about 1 year ago | Report Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

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• Reputation: 2418 Q&A: 41 0 26 1855 797 4 Classifieds: 0 0 what's this? Follow Following 5 freikja

  0 0 A little story. l played matchmaker with two friends of mine last summer and set them up. During the very first conversation, they discovered that he was poly and preferred a bi girl, and she was monogamous and wasn't bi in the slightest. At the end of the date, they both told me they'd be down for a fling, but that it "obviously" wouldn't be anything serious. They finally broke up a few months ago for the very reasons they said they'd never have a relationship in the first place. The only positive thing l can see that came out of it was apparently some pretty mindblowing sex (which they raved about ad nauseum to anyone within earshot whether they wanted to hear it or not, but l digress). We all saw the breakup coming from the very moment they hooked up, but we supported the decision because we knew that they were both adults and we couldn't stop them from making their own decisions. We also knew they would break up for those reasons, and it was only a matter of time. So for a year, we all discussed these non-negotiable relationship issues they had. Neither was willing to budge, and we all understood it wouldn't be fair for them to ask the other to change such fundamental things, but we supported them anyway; we already knew the outcome, so at least for me, l figured providing some pre-emptive support would help through the breakup. About a month or so ago, my friend announced to me he was getting back together with his ex. l was less than enthused, and l made that fairly clear. He was pissed for a while, and when we finally sat down to talk, l diplomatically informed him that l was going to support his decision, but that if all l heard was the same old stuff, l was going to stop encouraging the madness by discussing anything other than the relationship. We reached a good compromise, as he couldn't blame me for my opinion on the matter, while l wanted to continue letting him know l was there for him no matter what happened. Though a little late, this is my advice to you. When both parties are fully aware it may not or won't work, no other discouragement is really necessary. You get to say 'l told you so' later if you want, because even THEY acknowledged the incompatibility. Nothing more needs to be said, unless it begins to threaten your friendship. Don't feel obligated to provide any more listening time than you can handle, and no need to explain it, just change the subject. lf it continues to come up and you find yourself regurgitating the same advice over and over, gently but firmly point out that you feel like you aren't being heard, and you're tired of being called on for advice or vent time when your opinion isn't heeded. Provide support, and protect yourself as needed. For further details on when/how/etc to REALLY put your foot down, read my comments under Brammimonde's post. freikja answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

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• Reputation: 2260 Q&A: 38 0 8 1718 398 4 Classifieds: 0 0 what's this? Follow Following 2 Basil

  0 0 I get the feeling that Brammimonde's answer would be a very good answer to anyone else asking this question - but nseattlite you have not really listed any real reasons why this guy is bad for her friend (maybe they are just different people? that can work). And the fact that the people have only been dating for a couple of months...is it really worth being upfront, honest, and confrontational with her this early in a relationship? Shit, I've had really bad relationships that lasted longer than a month or two just cause the sex was great - and at the time OF COURSE I thought it was gonna turn into something - but, like everyone, I woke up a couple months in after the first couple fights started happening. I would say if they are both bad for each other, and they know it, they won't last more than a year tops. As a friend, you should do a few things: 1) make sure your friend is having safe sex - so she doesn't get stuck sharing a baby with the dude. 2) be there and be supportive, but be open and honest about your feelings. IF they end up going longer, or start talking about marriage or something crazy like that, THEN go with Brammimonde's answer and be brave and upfront about it. In the meantime, its only a couple months in - relax. If shit really gets serious, then you can worry about this kind of stuff. Basil answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

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  0 0 I'm going to go with option 1.5... You can ask some directed questions, but you need to be casual about it. Mostly this is going to be for your information. Perhaps you can mention, off-hand, that "Boy, I really think ThatGuy is getting serious. The other day he said/did..." and describe an incident that made you believe that he was getting serious. If this is a revelation to her, she might be able to put on the brakes. Be prepared for her to say, "Yeah, I know..." and explain why she's falling for him, too. You can casually mention to her that you're surprised because she told you that ThatGuy and her were wrong for each other. Beyond a little needling like that, you need to stay out of it, but at least you'll know that whatever happens she's doing it with her eyes wide open. And you only get to have this conversation once. Having it more than that makes it seem like you're trying to get involved. Collin answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

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  0 0 #2 And it reminds me of this Onion article: http://www.theonion.com/articles/fuckbuddy-becomes-fuckfiance,4637/ Urgutha Forka answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

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• Reputation: 613 Q&A: 25 0 23 1118 1525 12 Classifieds: 0 0 what's this? Follow Following 3 Kristin Bell

  1 1 Although I would love to say: "Tell her the truth and warn her!" My practical experience has been that when people are in romantic relationships they don't like to hear smack from other people about their relationship, and they tend to get mad at the friend who is just trying to be a good friend. HOWEVER...let me just say that I know sometimes as much as the friend doesn't want to hear the smack talk, s/he probably KNOWS that you are being truthful and that they really should listen to you. Sometimes if enough friends are saying DTMFA already, the truth gets into their brains and they realize they deserve way better and then they do dump the bad apple. I think it actually turns out to be helpful when you have a friend saying "you know, you deserve way better." It tends to buoy the person's self-confidence and helps them to realize that it isn't just their own thoughts telling them that they need to get out of it, but other people realize it too. Let's face it, I don't know anyone who couldn't use a confidence boost, especially when in a bad relationship. Sometimes people really really need to know that they are worth more and their time is worth more than staying with some loser. And, if they aren't really with a loser, but it just would never work, they sometimes need to be reminded that their time could be better spent elsewhere. So, I guess I'm saying this: it sounds pretty hopeless for your friend. If you tell her, be aware that she might get mad, but I would err on the side of telling her. If your relationship is solid enough to withstand some truth injections, you should be okay in the end. If you don't think your relationship is solid enough to withstand the affront, you have some more thinking to do. Kristin Bell answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

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  1 2 Lure Mr Wrong away. Hire-a-skank.com is probably a real website/service, right? Otherwise, be a good friend and butt the hell out until asked. When asked, be supportive but vague: Q "Is he the right guy for me?" --> A "Well, How do You feel about him?" If she presses and says "no really, do you think this is my one true love?" then you level with her as gently as you can. Rev.Enant answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

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• Reputation: 360 Q&A: 2 0 12 118 38 0 Classifieds: 0 0 what's this? Follow Following 0 Brammimonde

  3 5 Sit down and tell her. Whatever you do, DON'T FUCKING SUPPORT HER. DON'T be a bridesmaid, DON'T attend the bachelorette party, DON'T feign happiness for her. Let your eyes glaze over when she talks about how excited she is. The passive route can be powerful. She'll notice that key friends are missing and she'll certainly wonder why she's suddenly alone. If you pretend to be happy for her, she will be shocked and angry that her friends lied to her face. She'll feel like shit. Very lonely, betrayed shit. If you're serious about this, here's your gameplan: Go to a comfortable bar for drinks, a place that's not too loud but not so quiet that she'll be self-conscious if the bartender is listening in, and get liquored up enough that you can lean in and deliver the lines like a wise, whiskey-swilling cowboy. She knows this guy is bad news: call her out on it. Tell her EXACTLY how she'll suffer in the coming years in excruciating detail. Not vague terms like "you'll feel bad", but "this asshole is going to cheat on you with some nasty-ass STD-riddled slag AND pile up dirty dishes in the sink". Ask her why she thinks this is a good idea and be prepared to steamroll over her bad excuses. You will need big brass balls to make this work; you will need to be equal parts Joan Holloway and Dan Savage. Never admit to exasperation or confusion-- this isn't about *your* conflicted emotions, it's about *her's*. Okay, I lied, we're going to finish with your emotional flourish: express your love for her, not a piteous love, but a sisterhood that won't stand by and watch your bud throw the next 3-10 years of her life away. If she grabs her purse in a huff and leaves, write her off as a twit. Do you need another self-sabotaging idiot in your life? Of course you don't. She'll need some time after this. Don't wait by the phone. When and if she admits she was wrong, welcome her back into your life without question. Assure her that we all make mistakes-- and share your most embarrassing romantic blunder (it better be a good one, tales of desperation are best). Take her out for her favorite comfort food. Agree with any and all regrets, feign shock when she discloses what a jerk he was even if you knew the rumors were true. Re-christen the offending party as "Dickface", but always let her bring up the subject first. This is the tough and gutsy option. It might not work for you, it might not work for her, but if it DOES synch with your personalities, you've saved your chica from a living hell with Dickface. Good luck, soldier. Brammimonde answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report 4 comments by Basil, Granny Smith, and LMNOP… 0 0 Brave, brave thing to do for a friend. I respect anyone that could actually do that - I just don't think it applies to this question. Too many unknowns, the relationship is way too new. There is no need to be so life-or-death with such a fledgling little fling. Basil commented about 1 year ago | Report 0 0 Then they get married and you are the bitch who hated her true love. Be prepared to lose the friendship when taking sides against a lover. Been there, and I miss the friendship we had. Even now that the disastrous relationship is over, I just remind her of that bad situation. People don't come back and say "wow, Cassandra, you were so right" Granny Smith commented about 1 year ago | Report 0 0 And how do you know you're right? Sometimes it's clear, but sometimes LMNOP commented about 1 year ago | Report 0 0 Here's an example of the kind of situation that calls for this type of response (l'm giving a specific example that happened with a friend of mine): They date for several months, and all you hear is the bad shit. Every so often they throw in a weak disclaimer like "But she's really great most of the time!" (which obviously doesn't jive with all of the negative shit you're hearing) or, gods forbid, "But the sex is AWESOME!". We know this to be bullshit, of course, because every time we and our friends get together with the couple, they bicker, and the partner we dislike drives everyone up the fucking wall for whatever reason(s). Then one day, your friend goes, "l'm thinking about proposing", or "S/he proposed to me, and l accepted". NOW, you put on the fucking brakes. Because it's not just about them anymore; you've spent YEARS listening to them say nothing but the worst of their significant other, and you've put up with way too much shit to imagine putting up with any more. At this point, it becomes a make or break moment in your friendship, and at this point, you have EVERY RIGHT to say what's really been on your mind the entire time you've been trying to be as supportive as possible. But when they've only been dating two months, and in the OP's own words, are "having fun", then l'm with Basil here: this is way too soon to put the friendship at risk, instead of waiting a little while to see if her friend figures it out on her own. And based on the information we have, that could very well be inevitable, and sooner rather than later. After that, though, if all the OP hears is how incompatible they are for any number of months, then she should probably go ahead and speak up. freikja commented about 1 year ago | Report Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

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