im 18 and i a have really bad depression and my bf said he will leave me if i keep the baby i am pregnant with .. but i wanna keep it .. wat do i do? for Questionland Seattle

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im 18 and i a have really bad depression and my bf said he will leave me if i keep the baby i am pregnant with .. but i wanna keep it .. wat do i do?

i haqve a 2 year old and i would love to have another wat do i doo ?? (im 18 and i a have really bad depression and my bf said he will leave me if i keep the baby i am pregnant with .. but i wanna keep it .. wat do i do?)

elyavann asked in Family & Kids about 1 year ago | Report

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Karla Pacheco

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I'm along with everyone else that you need to get the depression dealt with first (Planned Parenthood can help, community services can help, there's a lot of resources out there, no cost).

Second thing is, there's a difference between HAVING the baby and KEEPING the baby. If you've got emotional or religious reasons for wanting to give birth to this child, that doesn't mean you are in the best state (mentally, financially, emotionally) to give this new child the best kind of life it can have. Adoption doesn't mean you won't have a part in the child's life - look at Dan Savage's experience with open adoption.

That said, I kind of have the sinking feeling you want to keep the baby so you will have a permanent connection to the boyfriend. And sweety, that just isn't going to be the case. Especially since he's flat out telling you he doesn't want to be part of a child's life.

You have a child now that needs to be your focus. Please, please, please, think about what's best for the child you have, before you make a decision based on what you think you want. That's what being a parent, and being a grown up, is all about.

There are educational and job skill resources out there that can help you make a great life for yourself and your 2 year old. You need to work on that instead of trying to hold onto a man.

Karla Pacheco answered in Family & Kids about 1 year ago | Report

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Everyone else has great advice, and you should really listen to them. The only thing I can possible add to this is after all of this is over GO GET ON BIRTH CONTROL AND USE IT.

You are 18, already have two kids who are going to have difficult childhoods, you DO NOT want to bring more children into this world. You are already going to struggle raising two of them. PLEASE go get on birth control or go get your tubes tied.

The more kids you have, the thinner and thinner the resources for those children are going to be. Please be responsible. Please do not have more children, for the sake of the two kids you are going to have. There is no reason you cannot google Planned Parenthood, go in and get FREE birth control or schedule a procedure to make sure you won't get pregnant in the future.

Basil answered in Family & Kids about 1 year ago | Report

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The first thing you do is get help (of the professional variety) with the depression. See a psychiatrist and tell him or her what's going on and see what they advise. This comes first, because a severe mood disorder can lead to very bad decision-making, and it sounds like you've already made some pretty bad ones (namely, getting pregnant at 15 and now again at 18).

It can all work out, but you really need to take care of yourself first, and work on getting yourself into a mindset where the decisions you make aren't going to make things worse.

Lee answered in Family & Kids about 1 year ago | Report

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Here's the truth, ely: The bf is less important than you.
And likely the unborn baby is also more important than the emotional-blackmailin'-bf.
DTMFA, take a trip to Planned Parenthood and talk to a counselor about resources for new moms (including scholarships), and then get yourself some education (and confidence, and job skills, and optimism, and so on) at one of Seattle's Community Colleges.

Rev.Enant answered in Family & Kids about 1 year ago | Report

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Everyone else is correct: deal with the depression, and make a realistic evaluation of your resources for taking care of a second child. Part of that is considering what this would mean to your long-term ability to care for your present child. You need education to make it in this world, and since you had your first at 15 I assume yours has been shortchanged. Getting educated isn't going to get easier with a second child.

Forget the boyfriend, though. If you have the child, you can sue for child support (he doesn't sound likely to step up on his own) and you may get some financial assistance from him--if you fight for it. But once he drew this line in the sand the relationship as it was was over. Even if you aborted the baby to make him happy, nothing is going to be the same.

CleverScreenName answered in Family & Kids about 1 year ago | Report

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Griffin

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Oh, dear, kiddo.

Is your BF not happy/unwilling to support you because he thought/you told him that you were using birth control and you weren't? It doesn't matter now, but if you lied to him because you wanted another baby, he's got cause to be angry. As it stands, you don't need him in your life now.

Where is your toddler in all this? Are you finishing school and making sure your child is well-cared for and loved? The kid you have now cannot be ignored because you don't want to deal with him/her.

1) You need to go to Planned Parenthood or your OB/GYN NOW. If you're going to continue the pregnancy (and either place for adoption or raise the kid), you need to get good prenatal care, including for your mental state. If you intend to have an abortion, the earlier you do it, the easier it is on you financially and physically.

2) You need to find a mental health professional NOW. Babies don't cure depression, and if you are severely depressed, you and your unborn child are at risk. You know already from your first kid that pregnancy-related hormone shifts will mess you up on top of whatever else is already there.

3) However this pregnancy ends (birth, miscarriage, abortion), you need to get birth control set up to protect you. I recommend getting an IUD placed (it can be done the same day as giving birth) so that you don't get pregnant again. With an IUD, there's nothing to take every day and you'll be protected for up to 10 years.

Let me tell you something from a personal perspective: sometimes women want to have babies so that they have someone who will love them unconditionally (or so they think). A baby is not a therapist, a toddler not an antidepressant. Kids are independent persons with their own wants and needs and lives to live. I have seen several girls I know well fall into the "a baby will make it better/make him love me/always need me" trap, and all of their children grew up to resent their mothers in some way. Don't take innocent parties (babies) down with you just because you can.

Griffin answered in Family & Kids about 1 year ago | Report

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dump your boyfriend, get an abortion, buy some condoms, learn your lesson about a) dating douchebags and b) having unprotected sex

go talk to someone about your depression because you fucked up kinda big time and it's gonna get a little worse before it gets better, but you'll get over it and you'll grow up a bit and realize that a lot of people make really stupid mistakes during this age and it's not the end of the world

and move on with your life

protosaurus answered in Family & Kids about 1 year ago | Report

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