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  5 1 Griffin, the experts here have real advice and it's really, really good. So my two cents are definitely those of a rank amateur and should be given maybe two cents' worth of consideration. However! I do think that the very fact you're asking this question indicates you are probably good parenting material. Bear in mind that you don't want to drag your feet too terribly long on this one, either. Mr. TVDinner and I waited until I was 32 to get started on The Project, and said project took two damn years to bear fruit. The result is I ended up having my first kid at 35, and that's a magic number for the creeping advent of complications. Lil TVDinner turned out just fine, but I did have some complications (preeclampsia being the biggie) that were minorly related to my advanced age. Also, my knees creak every time I trudge up the stairs to find out why she's crying for the umpteenth time in any given day. Do what's right for you guys, of course, but it's worth bearing in mind that the event horizon of our fertility comes faster than a lot of us realize.  Also, provided you don't get post-partum depression, your brain is deeply hardwired to think that Griffinette is the greatest thing since sliced bread.  This is a godsend, and although it makes you tiresome company for your childless friends, it means you are deliciously in love with your kid and absolutely delighted to be embarking on the journey of raising him/her.   I truly can't describe how much I've enjoyed the six months of my daughter's life thus far, and all the trepidation I had before (how will I cope with sleep deprivation? How will I cope with the isolation? How will I cope with breastfeeding? Dirty diapers? Vomit?) has all melted away. You're designed to love parenthood and your kids.  Have a little faith in that. TVDinner Redux answered in Parenting Q&A about 1 year ago | Report 1 comment by Griffin… 0 0 If I do have a Grifflet, I'm well aware of the effect that hormones have on the brain of mothers (I helped with rat-based research on this type of stuff). But seeing it in a model and living it are two different things. I appreciate the point about not wanting to wait too long. We've considered that, but in my family at least, I have a bit of breathing room (my parents and grandparents had their first kids in their 30s without issue). And my knees have creaked since age 12 because of chondromalacia patella, so it's nothing new. The whole thing that is really the kicker with "to kid or not to kid" for us is that the return policy sucks, so we want to be sure that we're in it for the long haul. Thanks for the thoughts, though. Griffin commented about 1 year ago | Report Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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• Reputation: 1506 Q&A: 11 0 28 776 60 2 Classifieds: 0 0 what's this? Follow Following 3 Cedarthvader

  1 0 I don't think anyone's ever really "ready." It's so unlike anything you've ever done before (unless you're a professional nanny) that it's hard to really grasp what it will be like. That being said, I would ask each other these questions: 1. Are you ready to come second most of the time? Your own needs and the needs of you partner often get pushed aside, even if you had every intention of not being the types of parents who will let that happen. 2. Are you ok with not going out to eat anywhere nicer than Taco del Mar for awhile (when they're first born you can tote them around but it gets tricker the more mobile they are), not going out to movies, not leaving the house in the evenings, having to leave your friend's bbqs and parties at 7:30, not being able to be spontaneous, and not being able to travel like you used to? 3. Are you ok with the identity of Mom and Dad? Is that going to make you feel old and freak out? 4. Do you have any serious body image issues? If you've ever had an ED, the act of pregnancy (but much moreso post-pregnancy) can be really, really hard. Likewise, are you prone to depression? If yes to either of these, do you have the family/friends/resources to line up mental health support? 5. Do you have a feasible financial plan that takes into account one of you staying home? Even if you're planning on going back to work right away you might feel really differently after you have your bambino. 6. Do you and Mr. Griffin do projects well together? Because this is the ultimate project. If you're the type of couple who have to nitpick and analyze and negotiate every little thing, be aware that this will be a daily issue for you with a kid. Do whatever you can to work through those issues or be aware that having a kid could be very detrimental to your marriage. Having a kid is awesome. There are amazing days and the love you'll feel for your child is simply staggering. But it's important to go into it with your eyes open so you don't end up feeling super resentful of your kid. Good luck! Cedarthvader answered in Parenting Q&A about 1 year ago | Report 5 comments by Griffin, Griffin, and Cedarthvader… 0 0 In order, 1. I guess so. 2. We don't go out to eat anyway, so it's not a big change. Plus, we're old and boring and all our friends are too, so no wild partying to miss. 3. I don't know and have no way to find out pre-kid--this is a big issue. 4. No, no, and yes if it's an issue later. 5. Well, since I'm currently unemployed without much hope of employment in the near future, no change there. 6. By and large, yes. Griffin commented about 1 year ago | Report 0 0 addendum to 5: Mr. Griffin has a very nice new job/insurance that we moved to get to, hence me being jobless. Griffin commented about 1 year ago | Report 0 0 I say go for it then! Cedarthvader commented about 1 year ago | Report 0 0 For what it's worth, I was a professional nanny before I had a child, and it STILL didn't prepare me for having my own. It's trite and I didn't believe it before I had a kid, but it IS different when it's your own child in the ER. I thought I loved the children I nannied for, but that was nothing compared to the earth-moving love I have for my daughter. That goes hand-in-hand with fear - I thought I worried about the kids that I nannied for, but it didn't keep me up at night. With my own child, I'm constantly worried about SOMETHING. Is she healthy? What if the other kids at preschool don't like her? What if the nanny gets in a car accident and they both die? What if she gets stung by a bee? What if, what if, what if? It's constant, and there's really no break, and you don't get to leave it behind and go home for the evening and stop thinking about it. It's worth it, but it's totally different. Emily Steed commented about 1 year ago | Report 0 0 Yeah, I'm pretty sure a nanny will not come into play for me if I have a kid--they really don't exist where I live and, while we're as financially secure as one can be these days, getting a nanny isn't in the budget. Griffin commented about 1 year ago | Report Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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  1 0 Short answer: nobody is ever "ready", per se. Realistically, if you're ready to give up parties and drinking and coke and sleep (at least for the first year), you're as ready as you're going to get. More importantly, if both of you want to have a child, you both have relatively stable jobs (or one does and they make enough money), and you're not meth addicts, go for it. Wanted children, IMO, have much better lives growing up, and generally are better adjusted. So, if both of you want one (and make sure everyone's being honest), stop taking the pills, and have nice, sweaty, sperm filled sex. And for success, get good and fucked up before doing it...that always seems to work. Michael M. answered in Parenting Q&A about 1 year ago | Report 2 comments by Griffin and Michael M.… 0 0 I'm old and boring--I haven't had a drink in several years because I just don't care, I've never done drugs, I'm allergic to hemp, and partying has never been my thing, so there's not as much deprivation for me off the bat as for some other folks I know. Oh, and no pills to stop for me--I will have to have an IUD pulled before I could start trying to get knocked up, so this isn't a decision being made lightly. Griffin commented about 1 year ago | Report 0 0 Oh, you're totally boss for it. Parenthood is (IMO) absolutely awesome (I have a 7 year old, who was, contrary to popular opinion, very much planned). And getting the IUD pulled is, as I'm sure you know, easy as could be. The fact that you're this into being sure screams out your kid is going to be very loved. Way to go! Michael M. commented about 1 year ago | Report Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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  1 0 Griffin: Q's I asked myself: Imagine your life in the future without kids. Imagine it with. Imagine someone who hates and loves you with equal fervor, yet with more fiery intensity than your spouse. Imagine not having that person in your life at all. When: Imagine being a 40 yo parent at your child's graduation. Imagine being a 60 yo parent at your child's graduation. Imagine being able to play ball / run races with your little one vs not. Imagine passing on all you know, all you hope - and owning both your mistakes and successes in parenting(and all your child's mistakes and successes, too). and the one that might have cinched it for me: Imagine all the things you wished your parents had done - and doing it for someone not unlike you, back in time. Think of the gift you'd be giving not just a child you love, but to a certain degree, the gift you'd give yourself. Rev.Enant answered in Parenting Q&A about 1 year ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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  0 0 I had to think about this. You've got some good answers already. I think my answer is, "When you're ready for everything you do to be a potential teaching moment for an impressionable human." That includes: - What do you do for entertainment? Read? TV? Computer? Family games? - What do you eat? Do you cook? Go out? - During meals, what do you talk about? Or do you read books, or watch TV? - What do you do on weekends? - What happens when you and Mr Griffin fight? How do the fights go? - Do you have pets? What kind? What is your interaction with the pets like? My point isn't that there's a set of behaviors that is more desirable, but that everything you do is teaching a kidling what "normal" looks like. (They won't be a carbon copy of you, but some of what you teach will stick, good and bad.) If you're good with this responsibility, it's terrific because you think you've got some good ideas and this is your chance to pass them along. If not, it's a huge burden. CleverScreenName answered in Parenting Q&A about 1 year ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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  0 0 Having a child changes us in so many ways. I think that is why I find it hard to answer your question. Who you are now will not be who you will be when a child enters your life. This change is so dramatic that whether you decide you are ready or not - the reality will up end all your preconceptions. It is good that you want to approach parenting as responsibly as you can. At some point though, it becomes an act of faith - a step into something unknown, because each child (and parent) is unique. Roslyn Ann Duffy answered in Parenting Q&A about 1 year ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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  0 0 When you have enough spare money to afford some disposable income items, you are probably able to aford a kid. Of course, having health insurance helps, and can you survive without the second income when one of you has to stay home to care for the kid. Plus, decide if you will do daycare or stay at home. Start working toward affording and having a reservation for that slot in daycare now. "Cagey" answered in Parenting Q&A about 1 year ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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  2 2 You sort of asked two different questions ("should?" vs "when?"). I'm going to address the first one because it is arguably more important. The short answer to "should I become a parent?" is: if you need to ask, then the answer is "no" (or "not till this answer changes"). Kids don't ask to be brought into this world, so you'll forever be indirectly responsible if your kid's life gets screwed up in any way or if they screw up someone else's life. (The philosophical argument.) Having kids is at its core a selfish action (in varying degrees). "Having kids will make me happy (or give me someone to take care of me when I'm old or make people pay extra attention to me)." "You'd better give me some grandkids, I devoted my youth to raising you, time to pay me back." Only if you had some sort of guarantee that your future kid would "cure cancer" etc etc should you be able to claim that it would be an unselfish action. And now for the "community argument": are you ok with the negative environmental impact of adding another person to the planet that consumes resources and produces greenhouse gases at the rate of an American? Could you still achieve parental bliss by adopting a kid who had the bad luck to be unwanted by his biological parents? Could the time and money you would spend on a kid be instead spent on charities that help children all over the world? Would this be adequately fulfilling to you? These are the trade offs. Do most potential parents consider them? Highly unlikely, seems like your friends surely didn't. If nothing else, consider yourself lucky that you get a choice in the matter. Sorry for the uber-long response. paeonia answered in Parenting Q&A about 1 year ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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  1 2 Here's a checklist I wrote for Parent Trust for WA Children which includes lots of questions to ask yourself: http://www.parenttrust.org/for-families/parenting-advice/parenting-tips/additional-tips/readyforbaby/ If you decide you're emotionally ready for a pregnancy, here's my article on how to prepare your body physically for the healthiest pregnancy: http://www.pcnguide.com/labor-and-birth/how-do-you-know/ImproveYourHealthandEnhanceFertility.pdf?attredirects=0&d=1 Janelle Durham answered in Parenting Q&A about 1 year ago | Report 3 comments by Orbit, Janelle Durham, and Griffin… 0 0 Gees. If I went through this kind of thing every time I needed to make an important life decision, I'd never have left home. There are good things to think about here, but the totally of it is too much. Career goals? Crisis management? How are people supposed to answer these questions? Come on. It's like the only people qualified to have kids are perfect partners who each have a large, dependable income, who never get stressed out, who have perfectly supportive families, and who aren't overweight (??). Sheesh. If my mom (not to mention my grandparents) had been worried about career goals, I wouldn't be here. Same goes for most people I know. Take this stuff with a grain of salt. Read it but don't dwell on it, and follow your gut. Orbit commented about 1 year ago | Report 0 0 To Orbit... I totally agree that most people don't go through this kind of checklist, and make the decision as a gut level choice / leap of faith, and that's OK too. But, some people, like Griffin, ask for a checklist because it's helpful for them to have some ideas to start them thinking. And no, you don't have to be "perfect" every question to say yes to parenting! (I'm pregnant with number 3 right now, and certainly can't say our family is perfectly ready on all these counts... but yep, we thought about these things, then followed our gut.) Janelle Durham commented about 1 year ago | Report 0 0 The checklist is more a tongue-in-cheek thing, as most of them boil down to "you know you're ready when you're ready," to which I say bullshit. The thing is, it's not even a checklist, it's even more questions. How do you come to the answers for them is what puzzles me. Griffin commented about 1 year ago | Report Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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