Sounds like me when I was a kid. I'm really nocturnal, and I was born that way. It was a struggle for my parents to get me to sleep and to a small extent, this has affected my relationship with my mom my whole life. If your daughter really is nocturnal, don't punish her for it.

My parents used to trick me into going to bed early by setting all the clocks in the house back by a couple of hours. I'm not sure how successful that was, but my mom says it gave them a bit more alone time in the early years when they couldn't afford a sitter. Another thing that really did work, though, is that my mom would tell me that as long as I played quietly in my room with just a small lamp on, I could stay up. This usually led to me playing for a while until I fell asleep. My parents got the quiet time they needed, and I didn't feel forced to sleep when I wasn't tired.

The hard thing with discipline is finding meaningful, realistic consequences to hang over kids' heads when they're misbehaving. You might try telling your daughter that you will have to move her bedtime back to 7pm because she takes too long getting to sleep. You don't have to make it sound like a punishment; you can just explain that if she can't be in bed, lights-out and quiet, at 8:30, she'll have to start getting ready for bed much earlier. You'll have to follow through, even if it is inconvenient for you.

This really works for me, and as a pediatric nurse I've done this with patients who don't have parents with them that are this age: Do your routine yada yada, then after you tuck them in tell them that you will be back to check on them in 5 minutes, and they need to stay in bed until then. Keep your promise, come back for a quick check and kiss, then tell them you'll be back in another 5 minutes. Usually my kid is asleep by the second check.

I think my kid kept getting up because he was lonely or afraid of missing something or his imagination was going out of control or what have you, but my God it worked like a fricking charm.

Bedtime is one of parents most common complaints. Even the 8:30 bedtime seems a little late. I suggest that with your three year old, you work together to set up a little routine. You could make a little picture chart together:Bath, teeth, potty, pjs, a story, a snuggle. Not much more. Let the chart be the boss and stick to it. You can use a one word reminder with no eye contact. Do not get drawn into a power struggle or attention. Your three year old can learn good sleep habits now, a gift you can give that will last a lifetime.
Positive Discipline for Preschoolers by Roslyn Duffy, available at the library has a good chapter on this topic.
Expect that your three year old will test the new system even if it works well at the start.
I hope this helps.
I like Janelle's answer very much.
Vinnie

I liked Vinnie's answer to this.
Because the question has come up in a few variations, I posted another 'featured article' on my web page (an excerpt from the Top Ten Preschool Parenting Problems). It contains more suggestions than I could fit here. Just click on the 'featured articles' image when you go to my web site and then choose the 'bedtime' article. Hope you find it useful and that you all have more restful evenings in your future!
(www.RoslynDuffy.com)

Many factors go into a good bedtime experience. As others have pointed out the top three are; routine, routine, and routine.

One thing to consider. Children can actually get more energetic and wound up the more tired they are. So, if your daughter is not getting her regular nap, or simply as the evening wears on, you can expect it will be harder for her to settle down.

One biological signal that prepares the body for sleep is a dip in body temperature that is part of the daily circadian rhythm. We can trick the body with a warm bath or shower about a half hour before bedtime. Your child steps from the bath, the body starts cooling off, and it can mimick the cooling that signals the brain that it's time to sleep.