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How do I keep a level social playing field for a child who worships older friends and is pushy to younger friends?

Hi, Vinnie!
My daughter tends towards revering the older friends in her social circle and reverting to her toddler skills of communication with her younger peers. She seems to have no trouble expressing herself verbally with the above 4 crowd, but wants to push, hit and take toys away from the under 3 crowd. Going the usual routes of teaching empathy, encouraging verbal expression, etc. don't seem to carry any weight, as these conflicts are very emotionally charged for her. It's hard to get through to her sometimes. And believe me, we take PLENTY of cool-offs, to try and put some ice on the emotional heat!
Now she's planning ahead of time to with hold toys from her young friends and yell at them. I'm trying to ignore her future plots, as talking it through seems to charge the whole situation, and we don't seem to be getting anywhere.
Any advice?

Queenie Sunshine asked in Parenting Q&A about 1 year ago | Report
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    Vinnie

    Well, of course, she sees the older kids as higher in the social hierarchy and the younger ones as subhumans with no rights. She wants to please and get in with the older kids. But why is she so emotional about it?
    A three year old can't understand the concept of treating everyone fairly but they can understand the concept of rules which apply to everyone. No hitting, no pushing, no grabbing, etc.
    It sounds like you have been consistent with this but the behavior continues. I want to know why she is so emotional about it?
    Perhaps getting her to talk about her ideas about little kids would help you understand. Get out some baby dolls, some play dough, some dress ups, doll houses and play with the idea of little kids. Take turns pretending to be a littler kid. She should give you some suggestions about her concepts.
    Then after you get a clear idea you could begin to plan ways to teach her healthier ways to feel about and relate to these younger people.
    Does that help?

    Vinnie answered in Parenting Q&A about 1 year ago | Report
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