Memstad2011_copy_small
Reputation: 593

How much game time or screen time is reasonable for a kid?

Some people would probably say “none” but we have already let the grannies buy expensive game systems and we’re not going to take them back now. Two boys ages 9 and 17, and they are both convinced their peers are allowed much more game and screen time than they are. I would like to know how other people work it out, to compare.

12 Answers

  • Lookalikes_small
    Reputation: 2589

    Kids need time to just be kids, too, to just kick back and not have to think for awhile. If screentime is their downtime, let them have a little, so long as it isn't preventing them from getting their homework done. Don't let it become the only kind of downtime they have, but a total prohibition isn't realistic.

    We all need some time to be non-productive, some unscheduled time. Just don't let them use the screens right before bed, put reasonable limits on types of games and programs, and reserve the right to further limit or prohibit screen use if it becomes an issue.

    I see a lot of people who seem to think kids need to have a sanctioned activity for every second. I'd have gone crazy with that kind of overscheduling, and I think most kids would.

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  • Medium_2868373187_b2c11c89cf_o_small
    Reputation: 2266

    Having been raised on video games - violent and otherwise - I think it is healthy to allow kids to play them and have screen time.

    I think the balance is - they should also be involved in extra-curricular activities, family and social events, and schoolwork/school activities. But that is the same for ALL hobbies and recreational activities.

    Why should video games be different? Just like you wouldn't let your kids play a card game for ten hours a day - you shouldn't let them play video games for that long. And on the flip side of that, just like you wouldn't tell your kids to STOP playing a card game that they were having a lot of fun with (as long as they are doing other things or have all their work done) - don't treat video games like something that needs more restrictions.

    Games can have a great impact on children of all ages - study after study is revealing how healthy game usage can increase learning, spatial recognition, social values, teamwork, critical thinking, etc. etc. etc.. The list goes on. The fear and hype about violent video games or addictive video games destroying our youth is being shown as reactionary and untrue over and over.

    The key is - treat games like any other hobby. Don't make them feel guilty if they love playing an immersive video game (especially when they first get it - it's totally normally to delve deep into a new game). And don't let them slack on other commitments that they've made to school, sports, and friends.

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  • Gold-head_small
    Reputation: 6001

    My suggestion would be to insist on some tradeoff between what they want and what would be, perhaps painfully, "good for them". So, say, if they want to watch whatever for two hours, they have to watch an hour of a David Attenborough documentary as well, or a classic Humphrey Bogart movie that will help make them more rounded, culturally aware individuals. This will have the dual effect of (a) exposing them to better stuff and (b) driving them away from the screen.

    The tradeoff for you is, you should make an effort to involve yourself in some of what they do. You might find it's better than you think; that "violent video game" might have some compelling strategic thinking and dramatic complexity in it. Most modern video games, violent or otherwise, are better-written than most modern movies. And my teen nieces accidentally turned me on to "Flight of the Conchords", which is one of the cleverest shows I've ever seen.

    There's a piece by Nicholson Baker in a recent New Yorker where he plays video games for the first time with his kids. It might be a little eye-opening; it was for me (I'm not a gamer or a kid-owner). Partial view here: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2010/08/09/100809fa_fact_baker

    The key here is that the screen is seen as taking away from together time, but it doesn't have to be. You can talk about what you've seen, which will develop their brains and their ability to talk to grownups, and you might flex your own some too. The violence frightens or annoys you? Tell them that, tell them why, not in a "I am telling you what's what" way but a "here's what I think" way. Then they can tell you why Humphrey Bogart is boring to them, and you can smack them for it (kidding!)

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  • Logo_small
    Reputation: 78

    If you were asking about children under the age of two, then I would say no screen time is best.
    But, for older kids, I think it's a question of striking a reasonable balance in life. They should spend part of each day doing physical activity, part of each day being social with human beings, part of each day reading books, etc.
    During the school year, my kids (13 and 17) don't have a lot of time left over after homework and extracurriculars, so screen time is their down time in the day - it's limited to less than an hour probably, and screens need to go off by 9:30 pm (they can then read for 30 minutes before bed, but going straight from screen to bed seems to make it hard to sleep.)
    During the summer, the balance works out a little different. My oldest spent the entire month of July as a counselor-in-training at a theater camp, with no screen time, and LOTS of social time. So, when she came home from that, and bascially wanted to spend one entire day reading email / Facebook / web comics, and spend the next entire day playing video games, that seemed like a reasonable thing to me.
    We do have rules about no screen time before school in the morning, and no screens at dinner time (for any of us... ) so that can be family connection time.
    You have to find the balance that feels right for your family.

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  • Img_3324_2_small
    Reputation: 1962

    So what you're saying is that even if "none" is best, you're going to let them play anyway because of the money? Or because it was a gift? What happens when granny shows up with lawn darts?

    And another factor here is how much time their peers spend playing games? Why does that matter?

    See where I'm going with this is that the real issue here seems to be how much influence the grandparents and the kids' friends have. Is it really up to them?

    The grandparents are always buying our kid things we don't want or need. We say "no". Or we sell the stuff on Craigslist or eBay, or give it to thrift stores, or throw it away. I think -- I hope -- eventually grandparents can be trained to stop buying things without discussing it first. But if not, well, too bad.

    And what other kids are allowed to do is utterly, utterly irrelevant. Of course my kid learned long ago that if he doesn't like being different from other kids, he picked the wrong dad. He has his whole life to act like other people, but as long as he's under my care he's going to have to enjoy being something other than normal.

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  • Skull_pumpkin_small
    Reputation: 1610

    How about making your sons put together a proposal for your approval? They're old enough (especially the elder; maybe he can help the younger) and this will challenge them to come up with a reasonable system. I recommend starting out with the baseline that "but JOEY gets to!!" is not a cornerstone of a reasonable system.

    The key is, they have to be able to sell you the proposal. Ultimately you are the one who makes the decision, so if they come up with something totally unreasonable they're only hurting themselves by showing they don't deserve a say.

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  • Doorbells_002_small
    Reputation: 896

    Set your own family limits and stick to them. It doesn't matter what other families are doing. It's your family, your rules. Period.

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  • Webpics_001_small
    Reputation: 74

    I heartily agree with the advice in the previous answers- balance with a breadth of other activities, no interference with morning and bedtime routines or meals, a reign on violence.

    We have a "no screens day" each week during the school year. It's been Wednesdays the last couple of years. This applies to the adults as well. It creates an oasis of calm in the middle of the week.

    Finally, there's a great parenting book by the child psychologist Anthony Wolf titled "It's not fair, Jeremy Spencer's parents let him stay up all night!". Every child knows a Jeremy Spencer whose parents let him do anything he wants. Stand firm.

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  • Contact_small
    Reputation: 8

    I don't think there is a rule for the number of minutes/hours kids that it is ok for kids to be on screens. Like so many things, it's about balance.

    What are they doing on the screens?
    Is screen time taking away from other healthy/important activities? (reading, homework, sleep, chores, family interaction) If so, that is too much screen time.
    Is it enhancing healthy or important activities?

    I am on the side that says "none" is the right amount of time to play violent video games.

    As parents we don't want to control them but help them understand the healthy balance and make these decisions on their own.

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  • Homer-simpson-3_small
    Reputation: 2

    Let me start by saying that I was basically raised by a television from 3 to 12. Looking back, I don't think this damaged me all that much, but I wish that my parents demanded more of me in the form of reading or some other kind of creative activity. But hey, as a result, I grew a very healthy appetite for pop culture.

    If I were a parent, I'd shoot for somewhere around 2 hours. 1 can be done, but probably wouldn't be likely unless you owned a whip... Also, If I'm being real here, the 17-year-old should probably be out chasing girls or socializing with friends instead of sitting in the house playing his video game console. 9-year-olds socialize with their friends through Mario and Zelda because they can't get a job or drive, but your older boy should be acting like an older kid.

    If you're sick of hearing them whine, kick them the hell out of the house like my friend's mom did - I think back to those times and thank her style of parenting. We had a lot of good times in the back yard/neighborhood.

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  • Profile_small
    Reputation: 371

    My parents allowed minimal television, but it never seemed unfair because they incentivized the time we WEREN'T watching TV. I assume you could apply a similar method to internet/video game time.

    Each week, we were given little bingo tokens that represented half an hour of TV time. I think everyone (parents included)only got 5 tokens a week. If we had a specific amount of tokens remaining at the end of the week, there was some sort of reward - dinner at a restaurant, a movie rental (christ, I'm really dating myself), or even just getting to stay up later than usual. For your kids it could be a new game they want, or a later curfew. The less screen time they use, the better the reward.

    When other kids were talking about some show they watched the night before, my brother and I didn't care, or feel excluded, because we knew we were getting ice cream on Friday instead. And since the more tokens left over at the end of the week, the better the reward, my brother and I cooperated on what shows we'd watch, and ended up spending more time together because of it.

    A 17 year old is almost an adult, and provided he/she takes care of homework and chores, and gets plenty of outside activity (and sleep), should be allowed a more freedom than a 9 year old. But for both, offering incentives to put a limit on the screen time, and finding ways to encourage them to interact with each other (and you) while enjoying video game/TV/Internet time is pretty valuable.

    I almost never watch TV as an adult. And it's not because I'm a snob about television, it's just that unless it's a show I REALLY want to watch, and can watch with someone whom I can discuss it with afterwards, it's just not that interesting.

    Thanks mom, thanks dad.

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  • N1420951519_6175_small
    Reputation: 35

    This is more than just a question about number of hours. In fact, it is a huge question about the use of technology in the scale of human development. The New York Times reports on brain research addressing how our brains are actually being changed by constant technology (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/16/technology/16brain.html?_r=2&pagewanted=1&hp).
    The article is titled 'Outdoors and Out of Reach, Studying the Brain' and tells about the experiences of several college researchers who placed themselves outside of contact with all technology while on a river trip. We all know nature restores and relaxes us - but do our brains change, too? The answer leans toward 'yes'.
    Creativity, attention and social interactions are all impacted by use of technology.
    I think we need to set limits for screen time for our children AND model it ourselves. Make mealtimes no phone zones / turn off computers well ahead of bed (to give the brain time to settle down for sleep) and be sure nature becomes part of your lives. (In one survey of children in a large US city, the majority of them had never seen the stars!)
    (Sorry, to go on so long - this is clearly a passionate topic for me!)

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