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Getting dirty?

The men and women I've been with dont want to be dirty with me. The sex is always very tender, romantic, or vanilla.

A couple of them have been/became good friends who have disclosed that, while they love being dirty with someone else, they just "cant go there" with me, and they don't know why (or at least that's what they say).

I'm a late-20s bisexual female, not an overly innocent or naughty personality...if those details help? I have tried slowly initiating something rough or kinky, to no avail. I've also tried being dirty right off the bat. Eventually I push too far and make my partner uncomfortable. And by rough or kinky, I mean anything as light as dirty-talk or watching porn together.

My partners have been relatively different in age, experience, and personality. Some were long-term relationships, others flings.

So what the fuck is going on?

Coffee Coffee Joy Joy asked in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report

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    "By rough or kinky, I mean anything as light as dirty-talk or watching porn together."

    That doesn't sound particularly rough or kinky. Maybe these people see you as too innocent to reveal their kinks to, but it seems more likely that they just aren't the least bit freaky. Lots of kinky people love corrupting willing innocents.

    One thing you don't mention is how you bring this up with people. It really isn't best to to spring it on someone while you are in the middle of a sexual encounter. You should be discussing what you are looking for with potential partners before it ever gets to that point.

    So I'd advise you to make your needs clear from the beginning of the relationship, and certainly before you end up having sex. If you find out your kinks aren't their cup of tea, you'll have wasted less of your mutual time.

    kitschnsync answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report
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    jessmv

    You say that your two ex's who are now your friends say they can't be dirty with you, though they can with others. That makes sense: they see you as more of a friend, not a sex interest. So leave them aside.

    Of the others, how do you know that they don't want to be dirty with you? Do you mean that you whisper to them "I'd really love to fuck you right now," while cuddling, and that turns them off enough so they stop making out with you? Or do you just mean that they don't use dirty language back to you? At 40 I'm just learning how to talk dirty in bed, though I've had a dirty mind and a foul mouth (outside of bed) since I was a teenager. So it doesn't come naturally to everyone.

    Porn is a whole different topic, and some people are uncomfortable with it (as several threads on Slog have made clear). That's their issue, and probably has nothing to do with you.

    I'd say, just keep trying to find someone you click with. And like kitchensync said, be upfront about your desires from the beginning.

    jessmv answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report
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    Maybe you should quit being such a dirty ass slut and think about living a more decent life?

    aesyugc answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report
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