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Being a surrogate/co-parent

I am considering being a surrogate (hopefully co-parent) in the next couple of years. I would like to do this with a gay couple. What have your experiences taught you about this sort of family? Any tips for a potential mother who would be "giving up(?)" a child for an open situation like this?

Thanks Dan!

BastIsisKali asked Dan Savage in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report

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    Well, a surrogate parent is very different from a co-parent. Most gay male couples who go the surrogate route do so not just because they a biological tie to their child, but because they want more autonomy than an open adoption or a co-parenting relationship typically allows for. Surrogates aren't typically involved in the lives of the children they bear for other couples.

    I think you should read up and the options that are available to you, talk to other surrogate mothers, and be clear about what it is you want: if you want to be a co-parent, then that's what you should seek out. Don't get into a surrogacy situation in the expectation that the couple, gay or otherwise, will want you to be more involved in the child's life once they realize what a wonderful person you are.

    There are couples out there—gay and otherwise—who would like to co-parent. If that's what you want, that's what you should seek.

    Dan Savage answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report
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