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lezzie drama regarding hpv disclosure

hi dan,

I'm a young queer woman who just started seeing someone who has hpv. she's an old friend, and in the venn diagram of our social circles, there's hardly anything other than the overlap.

she disclosed to me before we slept together that she has hpv, I did my research and we're being extra-safe. However, when I told two of my close friends that she and I had started seeing each other, the first thing they asked was about her hpv. I was shocked they knew, since I was only the third person she had told. Apparently, the girl I'm seeing told her roommate/best friend about it in confidence, and she told several folks. Now, something that this girl is deeply ashamed about and wants to keep private is pretty much common knowledge.

My question is, should I tell this girl that her best friend is a blabbermouth? Our relationship is so new, I don't want it to backfire onto me. However, I also want to know that anything I tell this girl won't be told to the roommate, and then everyone I know.

Is this worth the fuss? Or should I be the one who kills this lezzie drama by just dropping it?

queermo asked in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report

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  • Img_3380_small
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    RM

    I'm not Dan- but just drop it.

    I also have HPV. The scary fucked up kind that can cause cancer. I also have the gross embarrasing kind that can cause genital warts. Double score for me!

    I am currently in a relationship with a man, but have been with both women and men in the past. Since I found out I have notified new partners, and a few old ones, and holy hell I'm posting it all over the internets for the whole world to see right now. It's not a big deal.

    80% of all women have some strain of HPV by the time they're 50. 50% of all people in their lifetime. (Actual statistics- not me being silly. Google that ish.)

    There's a really good chance that she doesn't have it at all anymore. Most people's bodies can kick it on their own and if not- it's not hard to treat. It isn't a death sentence, it doesn't mean that she (or you, or anyone else) is a skank, and it is absolutely ridiculous that people are making a big deal about it.

    Just drop it. Her friends sound like shit heads.

    RM answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report
    2 comments by BasementDweller3 and RM…
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    Lill

    First, kudos to RM for giving the important info about HPV. That is something you should digest carefully, and also, talk to your doctor about the HPV vaccine and whether that is appropriate for you.

    Second, should you rat on the blabbermouth? Well, it seems clear to me that your girl, let's call her George, is using safe practices with respect to her STD. The other girl, let's call her Bess, is broadcasting information to people who are not sexually involved with George about things they only need to be know if they are sexually involved with George. So, basically, Bess is being a douche.

    Do you tell George that Bess is being a douche? That depends upon whether you care about George and how much you want to be friends with Bess. If you care about George enough, you may want to let her know that her douche bag friend Bess is treating her like a leper. If you want to stay friends with Bess then you may not want to characterize her as a complete waste of space and a, did I mention, douche bag.

    When I was a kid and we played Nancy Drew, abolutely no one wanted to be Bess. Ever.

    Lill answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report
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