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  1 0 You can't stop someone who is going to. You cannot. You can give them a ride to the hospital. You can get them the number of a hotline. You can be there when they tell you they need some emotional support (though you are not their shrink, don't forget this, you can't take responsibility for that degree of need). You can encourage them to go to rehab. But you cannot stop them. From being suicidal yourself, you know this. Was there anything that anyone could have said to you that would have made it better? Anything at all that would have fixed you? Even anything that would have made you stop? You care about this person. You are their friend in spite of all their problems, and you understand their pain as much as anyone can. That is more than I'm sure the vast majority of people this person has met in life has been able to do. I'm sure your friend knows this. If it's any consolation, there was a thing on NPR about people who called a suicide hotline, the really bad repeat callers who everyone completely expected had killed themselves when they stopped calling. The vast majority hadn't (I actually don't think any of them had, but I can't find the segment now - it was on This American Life). All they had was an ear on the other end of the phone, and it kept them alive. You are already doing more than that. It's all you can do. Keep yourself healthy, if it gets to be too much or even close to that, you have to enlist other help (get your friend to a hospital), you can't carry this burden without help, even if you want to. If your friend won't go, explain to your friend that you can't be responsible for keeping them from killing themselves, that it's too much to ask and that it's actually impossible, and you want to help them get to a safe place - i.e. the hospital. You are doing everything you possibly can already. I'm sorry, it is a hard and horrible thing. But you didn't cause this illness and you can't cure it, it's outside everyone's control. You are doing the most anyone can ask. If you feel you are making things worse, possibly it's only by taking on more responsibility than you reasonably should (i.e. fielding phone calls that should go to a shrink, staying with the person in times when they should probably go in-patient). If you can get better at recognizing when these times are (maybe making rules with your friends help about when it is a good idea to field these things to a professional so you both don't get overwhelmed) possibly you can cut down on this. You don't specify what you mean by that so I don't know. The other problem with taking on all that responsibility alone is that the friend becomes really emotionally dependent on you. What happens if you don't happen to get that phone call? What happens if you aren't available to go check on them at a moment's notice? And what if they can't handle that? Having a wider support network, even if it is made up of hotlines and shrinks (and AA or NA sponsors - you don't have to stop using to go to meetings, and it's a built in family of supportive understanding people who have seen some serious shit in their time), is better for everyone. If your friend is reluctant because of bad experiences in the past, maybe they just need the right hotline, the right shrink, the right hospital or the right support group, and you can encourage them to find those people. I'm just guessing with this last part so feel free to let us know more about what you mean by "making things worse". BasementDweller3 answered in Health & Fitness about 1 year ago | Report 3 comments by Kristin Bell, BasementDweller3, and BasementDweller3… 0 0 Well, I'm definitely not this person's only support. In fact, we have never met in person. We have been friends for about three years now, and call each other pretty much every day. She has other friends from the interwebs and a irl bf. She has a therapist, but doesn't think he knows what he's doing. He psychiatrist fired her. She is actually in the hospital now. I'm glad, because at the very least she is safe. Sometimes I think I try to cheer her up which is probably just really annoying to her. She doesn't believe in AA and NA, because she doesn't like the God/higher power aspect of it. Anyway, all I really am is a voice over the phone for her, because she lives on the other side of the country, so I can't exactly get too involved or anything. When people are in crisis mode I sometimes feel like there must be a "right" thing to say, but that I can't find it. Sometimes I think maybe I should tell her something funny to distract her from her hurting. Sometimes I feel like maybe I should encourage her sharing, but really, I have no idea! lol Kristin Bell commented about 1 year ago | Report 0 0 Kristen, everything you are doing is good, there is nothing you can say to keep someone from killing themselves, and if this person has solid support outside of therapy and is willing to go into the hospital, that's good too. She's managed to survive this long, and she's got a lot more than most people have. You are doing all you can, and if she finds someone who cares about her trying to cheer her up annoying, she'll tell you or hang up. Don't worry about that, you are trying, that's all anyone can ask. BasementDweller3 commented about 1 year ago | Report 0 0 Also there are non-religious based support groups out there, for addicts or not. Group actually was surprisingly helpful for me in a way a therapist never could be, maybe if she hasn't really seriously been in one for a while, it could help. Would take some of the pressure off you, for sure. BasementDweller3 commented about 1 year ago | Report Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

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  5 0 Short answer: no. However, there are some things you can do that may help the person see there are other solutions. First off, don't judge a person for cutting. While it seems incredibly self-destructive to someone who does not have those impulses, it's often very effective at keeping a suicidal impulse at bay. It's obviously undesirable, but it is better than the alternative. Never react with horror or condemnation if you see the marks or the person tells you about them. It's okay to say you wish the person could find other coping strategies, but don't say things that make them want to hide their cutting from you; then it's one more person they have to lie to. The single best thing anyone ever said to me that actually helped stop a suicide that had method, motive and opportunity all ready and waiting was the simplest. "Please don't die." I burst into tears, cried for three days, slept for a long time, and when the storm passed, was no longer as acutely suicidal. If you can bring yourself to do it, encourage the person to go for walks outside with you. I cannot stress enough how much just getting outside in daylight (doesn't have to be sunlight) can help. And even a walk around the block is better than nothing. My moods improve dramatically if I can get myself to walk outside for even a few minutes every day. (I take the long way to the bathroom at work, going outside and coming back in, instead of just walking down the hall.) The only form of therapy that has really worked for me is a form of cognitive behavioral therapy. Basically, suicidal ideation in my case is a learned response to stress. Like any learned response, one can learn other methods to deal with stressors. I had to quite literally re-teach myself how to respond to bad things. It used to be a knee-jerk response. "I have a flat tire? I'll just kill myself." I had to learn to reject those thoughts. In my case, what worked is an actual visual image of my brain physically rejecting suicidal thoughts, as if they were bouncing off like racquetballs. The imagery isn't important, what's important is to learn another way to respond to depression. Good luck, Kristin. Just by listening with an open mind, you are helping, even when it doesn't seem that you are. But be careful; depressives can "infect" one another. Protect yourself first. (I had to stay away from severe depressives for several years, as too much dwelling on it would bring me right back to the pit.) Geni answered in Health & Fitness about 1 year ago | Report 2 comments by Kristin Bell and Geni… 0 0 Those are some good ideas. I know what you mean about combating the knee-jerk "I want to kill myself" reaction. I've been working on getting rid of that one myself! lol I can't go for a walk with her, because she lives on the other side of the country. We have known each other for like three years and talk on the phone almost every day. Actually, we have yet to meet in person!!! I know that probably sounds weird. We are like phone penpals. Kristin Bell commented about 1 year ago | Report 0 0 That doesn't sound weird at all. And you can still encourage her to go for a walk; tell her, "I'm going out now to walk around the block - you do it too, and then we'll talk when we both get back." I used to do that with my online depressive survival buddies. Geni commented about 1 year ago | Report Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

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  2 1 Not really. Not without their participation. Suicides are not open to logic, so you can't argue them out of suicide. If they want help (sometimes people who attempt suicide scare themselves enough to try to feel better), you can smooth the way a bit, but they need to engage or it's pointless. As their friend, you cannot force them to do anything long term. Even were you their doctor you wouldn't have that power. I don't go so far as to think that suicide can be the better solution, since being dead ends any chance that things can improve. But it's no bad thing to take the responsibility for this off your shoulders, since you cannot change the outcome single-handedly. I'm sorry. It's very hard to be in your position. I've been there. CleverScreenName answered in Health & Fitness about 1 year ago | Report 1 comment by Kristin Bell… 0 0 Thanks for the response. Good wisdom. :) Kristin Bell commented about 1 year ago | Report Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

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  4 2 Are you interested in stopping your own (potential/current) suffering or your friends? Based on your description this person has been suffering for a very long time. She appears to have some kind of severe and chronic mental illness. Treatment of all sorts over an extended period of time have not helped. So it is likely that she/he will continue to suffer. So, if this were some other debilitating disease in which his/her quality of life was this bad, what would you suggest he/she do? Live with it? Forever? Suicide (and euthanasia) are cultural taboos in our society, but a taboo does not mean that something is wrong. It just means other people don't like it. Suicide is an incredibly difficult decision to make and even more difficult to accomplish. Successful suicides are the exception rather than the norm. If someone succeeds they were either very committed, accidentally successful or they were just lucky. There is nothing wrong with killing oneself. It's a very big and challenging decision with no recourse. It is selfish in that it doesn't take into account the impact on others. But sometimes it just makes sense as the right thing to do. Sure you can help the person and be there for them when they need a friend but don't get sucked into being the person who is going to stop them because you will just give them reason to dislike you and they will no longer have to consider both sides of the equation because you will be representing the side that would stop them. So, as radical and unconventional as it is, just think about how you can be of help to the person, not how you can get your way because of your needs. If someone want to die they will face enough challenges and anything you say or do will be of little significance in preventing it. I'm not suggesting you help this person kill him/herself, just don't be judgmental and try and help them achieve some degree of peace in their life. Qland Char answered in Health & Fitness about 1 year ago | Report 2 comments by Kristin Bell and Geni… 0 0 I understand the taboos with suicide, and I also understand the wanting to kill yourself as I've tried several times, but I kind of feel like people shouldn't give up hope with suicidal people. I do think it is something that can be prevented with intervention to some degree and depending on the person, and I know that things can change in peoples' lives so that they do improve their quality of life. If people kill themselves, there is no hope of getting better there is only death. I know, for some that is a relief, and I don't even know why we sometimes cling to life so much, but we do and it seems like a good thing to do. Of course, I really don't know why. I guess, because being dead seems so...empty. I mean, I guess it all depends on if you believe in life after death or reincarnation or something. I'm not a religious person for the most part, so I kind of feel like we only get one shot at living. I went through years and years of suffering with life. People didn't understand my suicidal tendencies and some people did give up on me. I'm just glad I am still around now. The pain is gone for the most part and I lived thru it. Now it doesn't hurt so much to be alive, and I kind of like it, despite the negative aspects and the pointlessness of everything really. lol Kristin Bell commented about 1 year ago | Report 0 0 The problem with suicide is that it's a terminal solution to what is often a non-terminal problem. Depression FEELS like it's permanent, FEELS like it's terminal, but it doesn't have to be. If I can come back to life from 40 years of severe chronic depression, I believe almost anyone can. Had I been successful in ending it all, I never would have known that there was a chance to see life other than through shit-covered glasses. Geni commented about 1 year ago | Report Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

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  2 1 If this person has a plan and a method and the means, then call the authorities and report the person as a threat to themselves. That buys 48 hours or so (depends on your exact locale) of observation/hospitalization to prevent the immediate crisis. You can ask directly if your friend is planning suicide (this won't encourage attempts, really) and go from there. HIPAA laws mean that your friend's mental health care providers can't tell you anything about his/her condition, but it doesn't stop you from calling and leaving a message stating "Pat X is my friend and a patient of yours, and I'm afraid that s/he's going to attempt suicide." If you're pretty sure that your friend's care providers/therapists don't know that s/he's using drugs, then include that in the message too. Has your friend cycled between depression and mania (or deep depression and "normal" moods) over the course of the time you've known him/her? If so, s/he might have a bipolar disorder, which is notoriously difficult to treat. People in the manic/euphoric phase frequently don't want to be treated or quit taking medication because it dulls the mood, but stopping medication makes the lows come back with a vengeance, too. If your friend is bipolar, ask if s/he's taking the medications that have been prescribed as prescribed, and if not, encourage her/him to do so. Party drugs and booze don't help the situation, either. Do you know any of your friend's family members and are they aware of the situation? Sometimes, Mom can get through in a way that no one else can. It sounds like your friend is fighting a lot of demons right now, and it's a sucky situation to be in as an observer. Talk to your own support system and contact nami.org too, to help keep your own balance. Hang in there. Griffin answered in Health & Fitness about 1 year ago | Report 1 comment by Kristin Bell… 0 0 She is in the hospital now. She lives in another area of the country and she does NOT have a good family, so any family help is out. I don't think she is bipolar. Thanks for the advice! I appreciate it! :) Kristin Bell commented about 1 year ago | Report Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

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