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Recommendations for a long-distance relationship

I've been chosen for a short-term work assignment in England for approximately 6 months. My partner and I have been together for 8 months. I'm mostly positive about our prospects but he is struggling somewhat.

I'll be on travel for 3 weeks at a time, then return to Seattle for 2-4 weeks, then back to England and so on, until February.

My questions are: Have you been in a short-term long-distance relationship and how did it work for you? What are the pitfalls? What are your recommendations for keeping the relationship healthy while we're apart?

matador_girl asked in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report

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  • Flashman_small
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    Flashman

    I've been in this situation more times than I care to remember. It is tough, no question about it. The first and best thing you can do is stay in touch with each other ALL the time. let each other know every little detail of what you are doing, no matter how trivial. Think about it, normally, you probably know almost everything about each other when you are together, where you went on the way home from work, what you ate, what time you woke up, that little niggle in your shoulder that your partner notices that you probably wouldn't have said anything about. Without being close to each other, most of that goes away, certainly over time.

    Without it, the relationship somehow loses its connection, and that is when the rot sets in.

    If you are passionate, think about writing each other letters about what you want to be doing with the other person. Try to be as detailed as you can, nothing says I love you like a piece of erotic literature when you are 5000 miles apart.

    Send each other pictures, it is amazing how easily the mind forgets those little details about each other. A quick pic every now and again never did anyone any harm. Spicy pics, if you can pull yourself to doing it, add an even sharper edge.

    Be faithful to each other. You'll both start spending time out enjoying yourselves without each other. It never ceases to amaze me how strong the pull of a casual relationship is once you've been apart for some time. Work hard at resisting it. Even if your partner never finds out, it will surface itself in some way and really isn't worth it.

    Surprise each other. Do wild things, be inventive, think about things that speak volume and make the other guy realise how much you think about them and how much you love them. Book a trip home or for your partner to visit you if you can and spring it on them at the last minute. The feeling it gives you both is amazing and well worth the cost and effort.

    Through the number of times I've been seperated between here and the UK, if you both work hard at it, and there is the really important part, both of you working at it, it can result in an amazingly strong relationship.

    One last thing, if you have any cracks in your relationship that neither of you are talking about right now, get them out in the open before you leave. Otherwise, the amplification of them as distance and loneliness get the better of you is awful.

    Oh, and have lots of sex before you leave. Nothing worse than getting on that plane having been chaste leading up to it. Go out with a bang!

    Flashman answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report
    2 comments by Geni and Flashman…
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  • Skull_pumpkin_small
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    CleverScreenName

    You'll be home so often that this really shouldn't be that bad. I don't mean to minimize your separation, but if you're gone 3 weeks then home 2-4 then you're home almost as much as you're gone. Another way to look at this is that, for a limited period, you will be traveling a lot for work.

    I've done this twice for 6-7 months at a time with very little time back at home and have maintained a frequent (50% gone) travel schedule at various times. In short, it's best if you stay in contact and give yourselves lots of things to talk about. Couples in person get time together without talking, but in LDRs you can't really just hang out and be together in silence. The following will help.

    1) Have adventures and encourage him to have adventures. Tell each other about the new and cool things you're doing--it'll encourage you both to break out of ruts while still sharing with each other.
    2) Set up dates to talk regularly. I suggest regular appointments so you can go off and do your own thing without worrying about missing a call.
    3) Take photos for each other on your adventures and share them.
    4) If possible, get him to visit once so he can see your space and you can make him part of your adventures.

    CleverScreenName answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report
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  • Davidclose2_small
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    Gloria

    I've done this. About a year while he was away at school. Knowing there's a firm timeline on this is helpful, and as someone else pointed out, you'll be back often enough that it's really not so bad.

    One thing that helped immensely was having IM chats, with a cam. Having a live image really helped and it was more natural than chatting on the phone. Cheap, easy. A decent webcam for this purpose shouldn't cost more than $20, tops.

    We did letters, which helped add a little random anticipation to our normal day-to-day interactions. You could send unusual things to add colour to your accounts -- little notes, flyers from where you are, or ticket stubs from things you're going to -- stuff you can't really email. It doesn't even have to be a letter every time, and mailing small, inconsequential things make them feel like a little extravagance.

    Care packages are fun. Since you'll be in England, send candies, tea, or crisps (food is always a hit), or small souvenirs.

    We also did a weekly ritual where we'd watch a new TV episode at the same time and then talk about it afterwards. Since we weren't in each other's daily lives so much, it gave us something to talk about, and made us feel like we were doing something together.

    Gloria answered in Sex & Relationships about 1 year ago | Report
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