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My daughter is 15 and included a request for pretty darn sexy bras/undies on her Xmas list. Support this burgeoning interest?

Cheryl asked in Family & Kids about 1 year ago | Report

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  • Cateyes_small
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    MyrnaMinkoff

    By the time I was 15, I was already a DD. I remember my mom taking me to Nordstrom, and I would burst into tears in the changing room because every bra I tried on looked like a granny bra -- full coverage, wide straps, no lace, and only available in white or taupe. The thought of having to change in front of other girls in the locker room wearing these was mortifying -- and on the flip side, I was still growing so quickly that my mom was reluctant to spend $100 on a pair of bras that wouldn't fit in six months. I would have given anything to fit into something colorful and cute (now, fortunately, plus-sized bra makers understand that, and I have lots more choices).

    Anyway. Go with your daughter to pick out some bras and underwear, so that you two - together - can find something for her that you both like. Nothing's wrong with color or bikini-cut bottoms (most jeans are cut too low for regular briefs anyway), but since she can't drive herself out on a date, she's definitely still too young for push up bras or thongs.

    MyrnaMinkoff answered in Family & Kids about 1 year ago | Report
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  • Handwalk_small
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    fishbait

    If you don't, you're against her or trying to ruin her precious teenage years. If you do, you may be aiding in a request that came from peer pressure of her friends who probably have the very bras/undies that she's asking for (and she doesn't want to feel inferior/left out/etc), OR there may be a love interest involved that she's trying to impress. No one that's 15 or any age for that matter, wakes up one morning and randomly decides that they want a particular kind of undergarment unless it's for a reason. The fact that it's a 'sexy' one- while it may be nothing sinister, I would be a bit curious as to why she may want this.

    Does she already own bras/undies like this? Or is this something 'new'?
    I'll assume the latter. If you took her to purchase these things, it may be bonding experience for her- as she'll think that YOU think of her as an adult (or at least someone who is 'growing up') who can have things like this- and for you, as you can dig deeper as to why the sudden interest of said bras/undies came about... And of course have discussions about getting older, sexuality, and other topics that make most daughters cringe when discussed with their mothers.

    fishbait answered in Family & Kids about 1 year ago | Report
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  • Photo_on_2011-05-23_at_16
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    I would advise against just giving her a gift certificate to VS...If you're the one who buys them or at least with her, it will keep her away from the black/lace/garter...etc.
    Try the Victorias Secret PINK collection. It's an age appropriate, cute and fun line that is also more inexpensive than their Angels Collection, for instance.
    http://www.victoriassecret.com/pink

    lilmonster206 answered in Family & Kids about 1 year ago | Report
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  • Subcultureoftwo_small
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    Support it. I wanted sexy knickers when I was 15, and I wasn't even getting kissed or holding hands (nor would I be for quite some time). I just had low self-esteem and wanted to feel pretty. If you think your daughter might be in a similar situation, go for it.

    I wouldn't have wanted my mom to go shopping with me...it would feel weird to have her subtly judging my choices. Give her a gift card, a hug, and drop her off.

    Sacrelicious answered in Family & Kids about 1 year ago | Report
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  • Enso_circle_small
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    Yes, support her. No harm in having nice underwear.

    Rev's point about proper fit is a good one. As is Myrna's about ghastly nanna bras.

    If you go along, you can make it a fun experience and also keep an eye on what she does buy. At 15 she may well find that the overtly sexy-sexy stuff is too daunting, when given the opportunity to try it on.

    Just don't do what my mother does and link wanting pretty underwear with being a skank, or being too caught up in body image. Some people feel better in plain undies and bra, some in black lace.

    ozchick answered in Family & Kids about 1 year ago | Report
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  • Avatar_default
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    I think it's normal for a 15 year old to start exploring their sexuality this way, but at the same time, I think if that's something she wants she should be buying it with her own money, or just give her a gift certificate for Victoria's Secret and let her pick out her own stuff. That should be her own responsibility to outfit herself with the frillies as she makes her way into adulthood. (Also, reframe the "sexy" as "pretty" maybe? We all like shiny lacy stuff, right?)

    Penny Lane answered in Family & Kids about 1 year ago | Report
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  • Sacri_ordines_by_charism_small
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    Take her shopping (preferrably with a go-between: her older sis, or your younger sis, if possible) and teach her how to get good quality, COMFORTABLE undies and bras that fit well and are engineered to actually help her form, rather than the Victoria's over-the-top-colors-and-lacefringeOrama Secret crap.

    Rev.Enant answered in Family & Kids about 1 year ago | Report
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  • Amy-small_small
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    I'd say shop together and let her pick out what she wants that is "age appropriate" - which means cute and sexy in a teenager way.

    There is are so many cute bra and pantie (sp?) sets now, that it should be easy to find something that works for both of you.

    Black corsets, thongs and those push up bras that let your boobs "hop" out, wouldn't make my list.

    Unless she has a BF or GF - which you don't say - I wouldn't worry too much about it. She wants to fit in, feel good in her body and also toy with her sexual feelings.

    I think this is a safe way for her to explore some of this - it's private, aside from her friends seeing her getting dressed, etc.

    I would have love cute bras and panties - I can see what an esteem booster they would have been.

    Amy Lang answered in Family & Kids about 1 year ago | Report
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  • Spaceship_small
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    No. Don't support this with a gift.
    Instead, allow her to go shopping with you, and if she still wants that, ask her who it is for... who's going to see it.

    If it's "for me" and she's paying, let her buy a pair or two out of her own money.

    If she's dating or you think there's somebody else involved, don't buy for her. But monitor the situation. This could be a direct tip off.

    I'm not saying that our children should never grow up. I'm just saying 15 is plenty early to be "experimenting with her sexuality". You don't have to encourage sexy underwear. However, you have to respect her attempt to explore different styles of clothing and to chose her own style eventually.

    O my captain answered in Family & Kids about 1 year ago | Report
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