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• Reputation: 4209 Q&A: 121 4 6 1581 87 19 Classifieds: 0 0 what's this? Follow Following 5 Russ Campbell, NWEBS

  1 0 You have analyzed your situation and motivations from a myriad of angles but it seems the focal point is always yourself, alone, and not how you fit in the larger world. What to do? How about taking your focus away from introspection and devote some of that energy directly to a selfless task for someone else. Volunteer to work with a student that needs extra help, enroll in a program to meet and tutor an adult wanting to learn to read, pledge time working for a local food bank, etc. These undertakings don't care about your internal struggles but require someone of dedication, brains, and trustworthiness to be there for the task and the people involved. If you take yourself to that point and learn to appreciate the efforts of someone else and their own triumphs, you may have a better sense of your own. Not to be droll, but the old saw, "I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet." Lastly, be able to forgive yourself for your own mistakes or perceived shortcomings and start anew. Be the person you want to be on a daily basis, it takes practice - each day is a new beginning. One thing you mentioned was dealing with the social stigma of what you have said in the past. If you take note of a comment that comes to you in your head and say nothing you can watch the development of the social interaction and decide later on how that would have added to or detracted from the process that was occurring in the discussion. Your more quiet nature may seem odd at first to others that are used to your verbalizations but it will give you an opportunity to study. Mark Twain said "It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." And please, work at seeking out and surrounding yourself with people that you like and admire (and be the person that fits in with that group). Russ Campbell, NWEBS answered in Work Life about 1 year ago | Report 2 comments by narftwenty and Russ Campbell, NWEBS… 1 0 I do selfless things. I spend a lot of time helping my friends, I know everyone does this but I do it more than usual. For example I'll spend hours helping my dyslexic friend with essays, sometimes at the expense of my own work. I also do things to help my autistic sister. I did volunteering at the farmer's market last summer. I am a lot better at helping other people than I am at helping myself. Because my sister is autistic I have often been forced to put my own needs last in my life. I think this has contributed to my habit of not taking care of myself. I'm not really that bad at finding people I like. The problem is I seem to simultaneously gravitate towards people I don't like. It's something I don't really understand. narftwenty commented about 1 year ago | Report 0 0 This gives me a much different picture to who you are than I had before. Thanks for fleshing that out more broadly. You have had many pressures in your life that caused you to devote your energies elsewhere than to your own needs. My one best thought is that you gravitate to people you don't like because if you turn them away by your own actions you have lost little. Keeping valued friends takes more work and honesty with yourself. I hope you seek out and find someone you can work with on these issues over time. Meanwhile there is still value in self-forgiveness and daily goal setting to make small steps achievable and recognizable to you. Be well. Russ Campbell, NWEBS commented about 1 year ago | Report Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

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  1 0 It is a simple matter of setting goals you know you can achieve. It is a hell of a lot easier to be a great failure than a great success. If you set your sights on failure, you have tripled your chances of achieving your goals. This isn't the sort of thing you will get over easily. You need to re-boot your goals and attitude. Are you willing to work to get there? There are lots of good resources out there if you want to change. Do the Landmark Forum, check out the self-help section at the bookstore, start some form of therapy, join a church group or any of the other basic outlets for self discovery. If you are concerned enough to ask the question here, you probably are a good candidate for improvement. Kip Waddle answered in Work Life about 1 year ago | Report 2 comments by narftwenty and Kip Waddle… 0 0 I have been in therapy for years. I went to Landmark College for a year, I don't believe it is connected to the Landmark Forum, but it's a college for the learning disabled (ADD) and they focus a lot of setting goals. My advisor there told me I have a lot of anxiety and should consider getting serious psychological help. narftwenty commented about 1 year ago | Report 0 0 The landmark forum is a weekend class that helps people clarify their motivations and deal with the ramifications of their past. It is the old EST and everyone from Oprah windfry to Barack Obama have attended it. It is very good for getting at what motivates you as an individual and helps you focus on what is important. I recommend it to anyone and everyone as a first step in getting your shit together. You may well need "serious psychological help" but you might get a better sense of what your problems are and some coping tools after just the one weekend. Google it. Kip Waddle commented about 1 year ago | Report Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

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