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• Reputation: 2052 Q&A: 53 0 4 955 58 3 Classifieds: 0 0 what's this? Follow Following 4 Griffin

  6 0 When I worked as a camp counselor, I pushed table manners on my charges--share food served family-style and don't take it all for yourself, eat what you take, don't strew gravy all over creation, and for god's sake chew with your mouth closed. If this is wrong, I don't want to be right. I see a huge distinction between teaching children to behave civilly at the table and mocking someone for "using the wrong fork." Behaving civilly and respectfully isn't an affectation or mark of breeding, but simply that you think of others' feelings--does anyone really appreciate the child running through restaurants screaming at the top of his lungs, or fondly remember being forced to watch a colleague begin digesting her lunch because she eats like a starved dog? The basics of table manners really aren't onerous, and if/when Junior needs to know how to use snail tongs or an ice cream hatchet, it's easy enough to learn. Besides, those with truly good manners never disparage those who are lacking. Griffin answered in Feeding the Family about 1 year ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

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  5 0 I would say it's mostly a generational difference. The less people worry about upward mobility, the less they care about etiquette. Paul Fussell even claimed that members of the true upper class don't care at all about manners, because they have no class insecurity. A lot of etiquette seems to play no other purpose than to show that you've had a certain kind of upbringing. For instance, American etiquette demands that we hold our forks with the left hand while cutting food, but switch it to the right hand before bringing the food to our mouths. There's no logical reason for this, and it's a rule that doesn't exist in other countries. I think it's right to teach kids table manners, but only so they can use them when necessary. Insisting on strict adherence to arbitrary rules doesn't make a lot of sense in a world that no longer requires it. Tom Sackett answered in Feeding the Family about 1 year ago | Report 4 comments by Gloria, Tom Sackett, and Gloria… 0 0 I had no idea this was American etiquette (switching hands). For some reason in my mind, this was explicitly *not* to be done -- inelegant, somehow. Gloria commented about 1 year ago | Report 0 0 There is a story from World War II about an American pilot whose plane goes down in occupied France. The resistance tries to smuggle him out of the country by disguising him as a Frenchman, but a German officer recognizes him as an American by the way he switches his fork to his right hand before eating. I've tried NOT switching hands, but can't get used to it. I also like the way that switching hands makes me eat a bit slower. Tom Sackett commented about 1 year ago | Report 0 0 I've heard that story, except the way my dad told it was pertaining to the style of how Americans cut up several bites of meat first, while the British/Europeans do it one bite a time. I switch when I can't get at something properly and need more of a scooping motion. I admit it makes me a little self-conscious though. I think it's all the motion, sort of like having to apply extra strength when ripping apart bread. Gloria commented about 1 year ago | Report 0 0 As a lefty, I think it's kind of weird that right-handed Americans can't get it together enough to hold their knives in (and cut their food with) their left hands. If the food is really tough, I guess it makes sense to switch, but I don't think cutting with one's non-dominant hand is that difficult. keshmeshi commented about 1 year ago | Report Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

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  3 0 I saw your question and decided to cogitate on it before posting. I am in agreement with Tom's sentiment of it being a generational difference. But having said that I realize there is probably a generational difference between Tom and myself also. Etiquette at the table and in other social venues affords a level of grace and predictability that keeps public settings running in a cordial fashion. I certainly would not be a strict interpreter of current social actions to fit with the behavior of our ancestors. However, I would admit that if you know the proper social code you can always bend it to fit within allowable local custom. Not knowing it may just have you come off as a bozo or complete dolt at times. I found working with children in the public schools that they did not know how to introduce new people or have appropriate physical control in meeting others and shaking hands, so often included it in my interactions with them. Learning to extend a hand, appropriately grasp and the correct motion in shaking hands is an essential skill that is now commonly not taught. Now many would say this is a skill that is no longer needed. But, if presented with the situation and the individual crushes another's hand in a tight grip or pumps the arm like they are trying to get water from and old fashion well, how does that person come across socially? The true and best situation would be to understand and know the basics. In thinking of table manners, how easy is it to be disgusted by a person's actions if they were to chew with an open mouth, grab at food across the table or even take from another's plate. in an unfamiliar social group that would be terrible, in a group of adult brothers meeting after the sandlot football game that might be the norm. Knowledge is powerful. In visiting other countries and in being in other cultures this can be very important, pointing the bottom of the shoe toward another or passing food with the left hand (the hand that is traditionally reserved for the most personal bathroom care, food is handled with the right) can be an insult in middle eastern cultures. Remember how the west was perplexed by the seriousness of the ultimate insult of someone throwing a shoe at Bush. Nothing is worse than being in a social situation where you are unsure how to act. So teach your children in the correct social manners and allow them to apply them to the situations they are in appropriately. I noted in a recent cartoon in the New Yorker, a child was sitting at the dinner table and was actively texting on a smartphone, the parent says, "Hey, elbows off the table." We live in a changing world. Proper etiquette is a daily tune that keeps civility humming through our lives, but ultimately, it changes also. Russ Campbell, NWEBS answered in Feeding the Family about 1 year ago | Report 2 comments by keshmeshi and Russ Campbell, NWEBS… 0 0 While I agree with the sentiment, your comment reminds me of a number of etiquette rules which I feel are ridiculous and that I'm glad to see not enforced. As a soft-spoken person who doesn't like to interrupt conversation, I've spent many meals in the past with an empty glass and undersalted food. In some cases, reaching across the table is better than waiting endlessly for a break in conversation. I also think it can be rude to interrupt a conversation just to get at a bottle of wine that's just barely out of arm's reach. I also think that the elbows off the table rule is unnecessary for anything other than very formal dinners. Many homes and restaurants have very uncomfortable dining chairs that make it almost impossible not to lean on the table. keshmeshi commented about 1 year ago | Report 1 0 Etiquette defines a basic framework. Common sense and setting provides how that is appropriately followed. In truly formal situations the event is the gathering and social mores and not necessarily the meal. There is such a wide variation in the continuum from picnic on the grass to just how many forks does one need to get through a meal that there is no one definition of the absolutely correct behavior. One thing is sure, if you err on the side of the more formal choices you never will look to be lacking in courtesy. My point was knowing what the more formal choices are is the key. Helping children to learn the basics gives them acceptable tools to rely on. We actually agree about restaurant seating and elbows, but whether or not you are at a peanut shells on the floor bar-b-que or white table cloth place makes a bit of a difference. Russ Campbell, NWEBS commented about 1 year ago | Report Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

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  0 0 I am a big fan of table manners. I think it's fine to be casual sometimes, but important that our kids know how to eat politely and properly. Think about how lame adults look when they don't have table manners. Do you want your kids to look like THAT? Not me. I correct our kid's friends too. They know there is no shoveling or smacking at our house. They will all hate me one day - and then thank me. Right? Amy Lang answered in Feeding the Family about 1 year ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

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