At what age is it no longer appropriate to worry about a few bucks when splitting a check? for Questionland Seattle

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At what age is it no longer appropriate to worry about a few bucks when splitting a check?

I went out recently with a group and it took people 16 minutes (I counted) to figure out exact shares and the cost difference would have been +/- about $4. It was embarrassing.

Julia Wayne asked in Eating Out 11 months ago | Report

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Sphinx

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I don't think this careful accounting is about age, but rather financial security. I mean, I realize that if it's literally a $4.00 difference that's making or breaking their ability to pay the bill they probably should not have gone out in the first place, but sometimes it's more like a $10.00 to $15.00 difference. On a special occasion that kind of an overage is okay, sure, but making a habit of it will ruin any tight budget and make going out no longer an option. It can be pretty frustrating to end up someplace with extremely limited options in your price range because of a group decision, make very deliberate choices about what to order (like limiting an order to an appetizer and a refillable nonalcoholic beverage), and then feel pressured to kick in for everyone else's $15.00 entree and two cocktails.

Ideally, people could be somewhat upfront about where they would and would not like to go and also make sure to speak to the waiter about a split check BEFORE the whole group orders, but sometimes (especially in a large group) the opportunity to speak to the waiter just doesn't come up. Likewise, if the exact split is not important to you, you can always just put in an amount that will be certain to cover your portion and a generous tip and then bow out of the conversation. For me, the truly embarrassing thing is when I'm with a group that is splitting the bill and my companions' ideas of an appropriate tip are woefully inadequate.

Sphinx answered in Eating Out 11 months ago | Report

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I'm very firmly on the side of meticulously figuring out everyone's share. One reason is that I'm a perennially stingy bastard. Another is that it really chaps my ass when someone tries to ride on someone else's dime, *especially* if it's the waiter's tip that ultimately suffers (and it usually is).

Possibly the most important reason is my own conscientiousness. I hate feeling like someone else is paying MY way, so if I'm being unusually spendthrifty one evening, I want to make sure I'm paying my own way and that no one else feels stiffed.

keshmeshi answered in Eating Out 11 months ago | Report

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As other posters reflected, it's more in the ability to pay rather than the age. If you're on a tight budget and your choice of orders at a bar or restaurant reflect that, it's inconsiderate when well-off friends or acquaintances who spend more propose nonchalantly to split the check. It can get to the point of being down-right boorish and/or insensitive when eyes roll at the proposal of separate checks or divvying up what's owed.

This is compounded by the tip left, as leaving 20% of a share larger than your actual order contributes even further to the amount you couldn't afford.

I've experienced this myself (being poor), when well-off acquaintances (lets say friends of friends) have done just that. It may not always be as little as a $4.00 difference, and you really don't know until you split it up.

LMNOP answered in Eating Out 11 months ago | Report

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General rule is "all on one check" is only to be used if someone is treating. Otherwise ask for separate checks. If one person is to be treated as on a birthday, then simply split that check, not all checks.

An "old school" policy is if one pays the check, the other leaves the tip...and tips generously.

ARDELL answered in Eating Out 11 months ago | Report

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Also, in my experience, a non-drinking vegetarian will get repeatedly screwed by the "let's just split it evenly" policy. I feel like it is often the guy who ordered two beers, steak, and appetizers who wants to split it. And while the difference may not amount to much each time, it adds up; I don't eat out much but I'm sure that I'm short more than $100 over the years, just from "splitting it" over the years.

I haven't worked out a good way to address this without seeming like a jerk though.

Bion Satir answered in Eating Out 11 months ago | Report

2 comments by Julia Wayne and Bion Satir…

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wait, why are you hanging out with non-drinking vegetarians?

Julia Wayne commented 11 months ago | Report

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Because cool meat eating drinkers like you won't give me the time of day.

Bion Satir commented 11 months ago | Report

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It's totally about the ability to pay. If you're the starving artist/student/whatever hanging around a bunch of lawyers, and you're drinking water while they're ordering cocktail after cocktail, and then they suggest you split the check evenly, of course you should speak up.

But, if you're amongst friends who are in the same relative salary range, and all ordering somewhat the same amount of food or drink, go ahead and split it.

Frequently, I've seen the exact shares thing get rounded up, and the waiter gets like a 30% tip or something. I've also seen it rounded down and people have to be choked out of their $1 bills just to make it 15% tip.

Chris Coronado answered in Eating Out 11 months ago | Report

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The age doesn't matter so much as the size of the party. Between two people, who cares? Three, probably not, four is starting to require precision and up. s important to get tips and everything else calculated fairly.

Black Beetles in Amber answered in Eating Out 11 months ago | Report

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It's probably more a matter of people's ability to pay (being employed, etc.). Always be sensitive that someone in the group may have been pulled into the event with less coin in their pocket to pull off more than what they ordered, because they didn't want to be a naysayer to the group desire.

Being aware of the folks in the group and their situations, the best thing to do would be to set an example. Round up your meal cost appropriately with a good share for a tip and lay it down saying "That should cover it." and excuse yourself to the bathroom or agree to meet the group outside when they are done.

Russ Campbell, NWEBS answered in Eating Out 11 months ago | Report

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Geni

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To answer your question, let me tell you two different stories.

The first was when I was meeting a group of online friends for the first time at a restaurant before a show. Now, I had no idea the restaurant was as high-end as it turned out to be, or I'd have simply arranged to meet them later. I thought I had enough cash with me to cover a meal and a glass of wine, plus tip. One look at the menu, and I realized I had nowhere even close to enough. I ordered an appetizer and a glass of wine, which I could just barely cover with the cash I had. Then a couple of people who were rather pushier than others decided we should all just split the check evenly.

I won't tell you how it ended up being resolved, but let's just say this was an uncomfortable situation to be in with people I really did not know very well, with not enough time to go get more money, and no ability to get a separate check (the restaurant wouldn't do that for a party of our size).

The second situation is almost precisely the opposite. After a family funeral, far too many of my family members went to breakfast. When the (single) check came, the control freaks in the family came out of the woodwork. "Well, you had a large glass of orange juice, which was $1.82 more than my small glass of tomato juice, and you had some of her bacon, so you should probably pay for some of her breakfast..." I kid you not, it was getting to that point. Everyone was stressed from the funeral, it was looking like it was going to take a fucking hour to get out of there, people had planes to catch...and my brother-in-law, who truly cannot afford it, just grabbed the check and took it up to the register. An Alexandrian solution to a Gordian knot, truly. (I saw the panic in my sister's eyes, and handed her $20 for my breakfast.)

So, my answer, in all its appalling lack of brevity is ... it depends utterly on the circumstances, and it works better if these things are decided before any food is ordered.

Geni answered in Eating Out 11 months ago | Report

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Whether or not to split a check should definitely be discussed beforehand, or y'all are asking for trouble. And the waitstaff MUST be informed of this, either way.

People should pay for what they order, plus tip. If 15% is too tough to 'cipher-out (or if it's too small), simply give 20%. Or 50%.

If somebody wants to treat somebody else (a student, say), that can be stated before ordering, or be a surprise at the end - either way.

I don't understand NOT splitting the check, unless somebody is treating. Why would you not want to pay your share? Alternately, why would you want to stiff the waitstaff out of a tip, to say nothing of paying for largely irrelevant food you did not eat?

If figuring out how to split a check is too much for you, I recommend A) learn how to do it well and quickly or, B) treat every time or, C) stop eating out altogether.

Neutrino answered in Eating Out 11 months ago | Report

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I think working out exact shares is actually the best approach. This is my mom's approach - and she's in her 60's. (She's also business-minded, and the sort of person who carries a calculator in her purse.) It may take a while, but it's the most fair and the easiest way to avoid arguments.

The second-best approach is the one I take: do some rough arithmetic, but err on the side of contributing too much.

Either way, the main objective is to avoid any kind of awkwardness. I also figure there are some exceptions: if you share food, you should split the bill evenly. If you know you have a lot of money compared to your companion, it's a nice gesture to contribute more (although not strictly necessary).

Nim Chimpsky answered in Eating Out 11 months ago | Report

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no age, stop trying to get people to pay for stuff they didn't order. and maybe find some friends who can do basic math.

jwhazzup answered in Eating Out 11 months ago | Report

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It's always appropriate to split the check. Anyone who tells you otherwise is one of those whiny waitresses who also doesn't get enough tips and like to complain about doing their job.

Joe Kelly answered in Eating Out 11 months ago | Report

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