8 Answers

• Reputation: 352 Q&A: 8 0 3 165 33 0 Classifieds: 0 0 what's this? Follow Following 0 TVDinner Redux

  5 0 I'm no expert, Anthony, and my kid is obviously not yours. We have, however, had a lot of luck with our 16-month-old by showing her alternative behaviors. For example, she loves to bang away on our cranky windows, so we've followed a two step approach: 1. When she bangs on the windows we make an exaggerated unhappy face and say very seriously, "Oh, we don't do that." Then we make a super happy face, bang our hands on the windowsill, and say, "We do this!" She'll tentatively whack the windowsill with a vaguely pensive look on her face, which we greet with ridiculous applause and praise. "That's how we do it!" She's then tremendously pleased with herself and joins in the applause. We do have to repeat this sometimes, but it's worked really well to reduce the banging of windows and some other behaviors, like throwing her cup on the floor. I try to reserve it for big stuff, like safety, or stuff that drives me absolutely insane. I also don't hold the unhappy face for very long, because her little face just collapses, her lower lip sticks out, and she starts to cry pathetically. I have no idea if this is a good method or not, so maybe my daughter will end up blowing her college money on psychotherapy and spend her adult life in sackcloth and ashes. Let's hope not, eh? Good luck to you! TVDinner Redux answered in Discipline 11 months ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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  6 2 Consequences! You warn them first: "If you touch the mirror again, I'm going to move you over here." Then if they disobey again, you move them over there. You have to do what you say you're going to do, so be careful. Also, if he's in to testing you, you can count on him going for the consequence. Even if he howls in protest, it's secretly what he wants. Kids crave boundaries. They need to know that there are limits and a kind, guiding force behind it all. It's how they figure out what's serious. If they just do something annoying, they just get the parents riled up. If they do something more serious, like make a big mess or ruin something, the parents will crack down in a more visceral way. If they try to stick a fork in the light socket, the parents move in with lightening speed. In this way, they figure out what's what. Misty Brown answered in Discipline 11 months ago | Report 1 comment by Mahtli69… 3 0 Well said. Consequences is the correct answer. I will add consistency. He can't get away with it some of the time, because that's just confusing. It also helps when mom and dad are on the same page and have the same rules. Mahtli69 commented 11 months ago | Report Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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• Reputation: 4 Q&A: 0 0 0 4 0 0 Classifieds: 0 0 what's this? Expert: 1 topic Discipline Business Lenore Rubin, PhD is a business on Questionland Seattle Follow Following 0

  3 0 Babies are little scientists - once they can get around on their own they are really excited about exploring their world and they need those who care for them to keep them safe. I was glad to read your comment about gentle ways of teaching your child because the most important thing is your relationship with your baby! With that in mind, I would understand the baby as asking you many times if something they are doing is safe- you need to answer in a calm voice each time- 'you can't have that because it is not safe...'- You then want to give the child something they can have or do. For example if a child is banging on a glass table offer them an alternative thing to bang. Dr. T Berry Brazelton has a good book called Touchpoints that might provide good information on setting limits with young children. Lenore Rubin, PhD answered in Discipline 11 months ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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• Reputation: 35 Q&A: 0 0 0 35 0 0 Classifieds: 0 0 what's this? Expert: 2 topics Parenting Q&A Discipline Follow Following 0 Roslyn Ann Duffy

  3 0 I can remember this one as if it were yesterday! What the two of you are discovering is what a great power struggle team you make. This is a good time to nip that skill in the bud! First – stop talking and act, and by ‘act’ I mean distr-act. Pick him up and find something else to interest him. Second – make your home as much of a ‘yes’ place as possible. That means putting the ‘no’ items out of reach or inaccessible, which leads to: the third point – say ‘yes’ more than ‘no’. Notice how often he hear ‘no’. Not only will he repeat it, but he finds it gets lots of re’act’ion (not the kind of ‘act’ I was referring to). In, Positive Discipline the First Three Years, we talk a lot about ‘NO’. For a more in-depth look at this subject, I am posting an excerpt from the book on this topic on my website: www.RoslynDuffy.com. Click on the ‘featured articles’ link on the home page to find the ‘Avoid No’ article. Roslyn Ann Duffy answered in Discipline 11 months ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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• Reputation: 4209 Q&A: 121 4 6 1581 87 19 Classifieds: 0 0 what's this? Follow Following 5 Russ Campbell, NWEBS

  2 0 Welcome to a vast world of trying to learn how to effectively teach your child without curtailing their own creative thinking and self will. First remember that you are dealing with a 12 month old brain and so the world of your young one is full of wonder with no idea of the hidden dangers that could result. They are used to the world being largely danger free from your intervention (active and passive, like baby proofing the environment) so you are protecting him from the natural consequences that could be so injurious to his developing body and brain. Your young son appears to be exhibiting a bit more self will than is typical at this age and is sometimes more associated with what is more common referred to as the "terrible twos" - although that demarcation is generally accompanied by the child learning the power and intent of the word "No" (then coming from their mouth) which is what you are trying to teach him right now. His language development is impressive and the logical thought is to give him lots of verbal instruction in these moments. Obviously talk and verbally interact on many complex levels with him as this is how language is learned. Change or advance that as you see his abilities grow. But, in those moments of wanting to instruct his behavior make your language interaction short (unambiguous) and clear. What you want him to do (or not do) and if you state a consequence make it clear and succinct and not overly complex, just clear and instructive. The easiest thing to do is to change the immediate environment, access to the object, or location. If the mirror is touched, it is removed (assuming small hand mirror), other situations may mean removing the child from the immediate surroundings - he is playing with the wall mounted mirror, so he removed from the area. If the family pet is being mistreated, child moved to another room allowing the pet to remain in the preferred environment, etc. There need be no anger, loud voices or extra long verbal explanation, just restate the what the expectation was and adjust the situation. Not only are you teaching your child to listen to your instruction but hopefully they will internalize appropriate behavior for that setting or object and would act accordingly in the moment when your attention is elsewhere. The importance is initially to follow your instruction, with more experience it becomes learning a larger rule of behavior. Rules become rules without shouting or anger or overtly large emotion. It can be delivered with a loving comment, "Daddy said no touching the mirror, I want you to be safe so I am putting the mirror away." Perhaps delivered with a gentle pat or kiss. Crying may result, but that is a typical emotional response and can be responded to with reassuring touch or diversion to another activity after it is expressed. As to the mirror you could also make available to him a non-breakable mirror made of plexiglass or polished metal that can be handled safely and within his play area when he wants it. He would have his own mirror just for his use. Mirrors are definitely fun and instructive of how faces look, function, and move, reading expressions, etc. Playing side by side with you both looking in a mirror together can be a very good time. Incidentally you should also know the the human brain doesn't reach full maturity until 21-22 years of age (maybe later) as most research now agrees. So if you maintain that nurturing relationship with your child you have just begun a couple of decades of teaching him. It is a great journey! Russ Campbell, NWEBS answered in Discipline 11 months ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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  3 1 You can only remove them from the situation - you cannot 'discipline' a baby. Just do as you're doing w/a firm 'no' and remove them from getting themself into harm. Livi answered in Discipline 11 months ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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  1 0 Be Firm and serious with that "no" like at no other time in their short life. Raise your voice a little, and don't blink until they do. Now, I'd like to play baby's advocate here: What exactly is wrong with a baby TOUCHING a mirror??? Babies fucking LOVE mirrors. Is it some sort of a broken shard laying loose on the floor? , or is it a framed or handheld mirror? Seems to the BabyCivilLibertiesUnion and me (From Your Example) that you're maybe being a little bit of a control freak. Tell him to keep the convertible under 60 and always use a condom and his life will be ok - the rest is more or less chance anyway. RacerX answered in Discipline 11 months ago | Report 1 comment by Anthony Hecht… 0 0 Well, my example didn't specify, so there's no reason to assume we're being unreasonable. If you must know, it's a big heavy mirror that could hurt him. Anthony Hecht commented 11 months ago | Report Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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• Reputation: 25 Q&A: 1 0 0 8 3 0 Classifieds: 0 0 what's this? Follow Following 0 elbie

  0 0 I thought Racer's answer was hilarious, to be honest, as an outsider but also someone who's raised a child... don't get worked up over it or you WILL seem freakish :) That said, I had a heavy 72" mahogany cheval mirror(google it if you dunno what I mean). Guess what happened when she started the walking-by-grabbing-everything-along-the-way? The mirror stopped being mobile and started being a massively anchored WALL mirror. We brainstormed and got special heavy duty brackets--it was an antique heirloom of my great grandmother's--and padded the wood/bracket contact points so that it wouldn't scratch, wrapped the base and the metal knobs in that thin but squishy styro-sheeting, put in the top of the master bedroom's closet-knobs taped to the wrapped base-and it stayed that way until our baby was suddenly in school and we eventually redid our room to be our master bedroom again and less of a baby break crash zone! It was worth losing the unused ultra close up side and the la dee da loveliness in the short term to not worry about harming anything or anyONE. If it can hurt the baby, then like the comment earlier re: making the house mostly yeses, reserve no for important things. In particular, have no be for important things that ALWAYS apply, like playing with hopefully-child-proofed sockets, pulling cords to anything, reaching up to get anything off the counter since who knows what else will be dragged off, or climbing on anything but designated seating/bedding. At that age, they think in mostly absolutes, so don't have one mirror okay and another not. To them, it could be that all big is bad and all small good, but early language development would deem that that all mirrors--the NOUN not the ADJECTIVE--are hopefully good (how else will you eliminate the Elvis-wouldbeproud crooked lipped grin from 18 years of school photos? :D). Picking your battles involves--now while you've got a little leeway and he isn't getting into EVERYTHING ALL the time--going through the entire house and deciding what you'll allow to stay in baby's reach and what you'll remove. If it has to for some reason be in baby's general arm length but is not okay for baby, BOLT IT DOWN--I'm talking half ton+ Tapcon concrete anchors here. Babies are worth a whole house's weight in PERSISTENCE, so you have to make it very clear that it is a permanent fixture, part of the wall, not something mobile, not just yet! Save your hair for the call about the broken leg at summer camp a solid ride-to-ferry, ferry-ride-to-island, and hour-to-camp away! That's when it'll REALLY be a thin wisp of frazzled gray :) elbie answered in Discipline 11 months ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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