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How can a straight woman help a gay man through a break-up? Anything specific I should know about LGBT break-ups (as opposed to hetero break-ups)?

My friend is at turns hostile and loving towards me since his break-up. He's going through a major upheaval (years long relationship, shared living). Despite my intentions, I always seem to say something that insults him, and I wonder if my ways of comforting people are heterosexist. I am more accustomed to talking about relationships with hetero women, and I suspect there are differences in the psychology of gay relationships, yet google has proven unhelpful on this point. What should/shouldn't I say to my friend to help him through this time?

Kyle asked in Gay Pride 11 months ago | Report
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  • N1044213403_1323_small
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    It sounds like your friend is in that stage of post-breakup heartbreak where you don't want solutions or suggestions or help, you just need to vent, and any problem-solving or solution-suggesting is annoying, regardless of straight or gay content.

    Listen, empathize, and feel free to let your mind wander if he needs to tell you same complainy story a few times. He's just working through the shit.

    David Schmader answered in Gay Pride 11 months ago | Report
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    You can't help, really, any more than you can help a heart to unbreak--and trying too hard gets just annoying (i've been on both sides of this coin), no matter what your sexual orientation. Just listen and be sympathetic. ride it out. Those are the duties of a friend. Good luck.

    Adrian Ryan answered in Gay Pride 11 months ago | Report
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  • Pride_pic_4_small
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    Thank you for being a good friend. I really do agree with the other response from David Schmader and I would like to reinforce the importance of "just" listening, sympathizing, etc. If this friend's heartbreak becomes despair or hopelessness, or if you are concerned for his safety, please help him make an appointment with Seattle Counseling Service, 206-323-1768.

    There are so many social activities available, and there are numerous opportunities to volunteer time and energy. Perhaps you can help him figure out what kinds of skills he would like to share with organizations that need him.

    He has to work his own way back to being happy; you nor he has to have all the answers right now.

    PFLAG Seattle Mom

    PFLAG Seattle - Parents, Families and Friends, Lesbians and Gays, Bisexual and Transgender Persons answered in Gay Pride 11 months ago | Report
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