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  5 0 Stage an elaborate hoax involving male strippers, a bunch of lube and condoms, and some video cameras. Then see what happens! Or, you know, focus on your own life and don't try to get involved in your brother-in-laws very personal business. He will come out if and when HE wants to come out. Basil answered in Gay Pride 11 months ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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  2 0 There is no "should" be out already. People choose to keep their sexual orientation private for a number of reasons. While it may make you upset that he feels that he needs to, for whatever reason, outing him is not the way. Have you considered that he might not be gay at all? Is this "don't ask, don't tell" environment one in which he would feel comfortable coming out? Or is it don't ask, don't tell because your family doesn't want to have to deal with the consequences of him being gay (mainly that they would have to face up to the fact that they might have some suppressed homophobia or, if not, that they would have to deal with other suppressed feelings). Do you have an otherwise strong relationship with your brother-in-law? If not it would probably be appropriate to develop a friendship first, and to provide him with an environment where he feels he is supported and can be himself. If you see him struggling reach out to him, but let him be a complex person dealing with many things other than simplifying his actions and difficulties as all necessarily stemming from his sexuality. If he is in fact gay and you two are close and you have made it known that being gay is a-ok in your book, he should eventually come out to you. But if he doesn't come out he probably has some very personal reasons not to. Unless he is gay-bashing as some kind of cover, whether he comes out is his own business. ghostpost answered in Gay Pride 11 months ago | Report 1 comment by summertime… 1 0 Good answer. I am not close with him at all, rarely see him. My asking would be like a bull in a china shop. The only way I could get away with it, would be to act oblivious to the palpable discomfort around it. "Hey- you dating anybody? And are you gay or straight anyway? I've never even asked you this!" That sort of thing. It would cause massive wincing all around, but would assume that it's no big deal, which of course, it isn't. But yes. He obviously has issues. I just feel that like Adrian says, the rest of my family are showing tacit homphobia by ignoring this "shameful" topic. I would ask him when we were alone of course. Oh I don't know. I'm still on the fence here on whether to do anything at all. You're right that he's a big boy and has his own complicated motivations. Thanks for answering to thoughtfully. summertime commented 11 months ago | Report Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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  1 0 all this secrecy! it just reinforces the worng, wrong, WRONG notion that gayness is something to be ashamed of. it's an honest question. ask it! Adrian Ryan answered in Gay Pride 11 months ago | Report 2 comments by summertime and Luckier… 1 0 That's what I think! But guess what. I'm chicken! summertime commented 11 months ago | Report 0 0 Adrian's right, Summer. Dan Savage sometimes prescribes a couple of drinks before a difficult conversation. I think this is one of those situations - have a couple drinks, pull him aside, and give him the "it's totally okay and maybe I'm off base, but I just want to say that if you are, I'm okay with it and I won't tell anyone unless you want me to help you have this conversation with the family.' As an outsider, you can be a great ally to him. Luckier commented 11 months ago | Report Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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  1 0 Summertime, I'm going to agree with ghostpost on this one. He might already be out, but doesn't talk to his family because of their 'don't ask don't tell' policy. For me, my parents know, and a couple of sprinklings of an aunt and maybe a few cousins, but as a whole, I have not told them. Mainly because I'm not close to that family, and my life has been built up without them. I don't think they need to know, because they aren't involved in my life. If you really want to know, and care about him for more than just knowing if he's gay or not, get involved in his life, and show him you care. Get to know him. What he likes to do, what his passions are in life. Find out more about him than just who he chooses to love. I think by going this route, you may not even need to ask that question, the answer may present itself to you, without words. redcub79 answered in Gay Pride 11 months ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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  1 0 Adrian's ultimately right, but it's still a touchy situation in real life. I second the idea of you creating an environment where this person feels comfortable to come out, when and if that's in the cards. Mentioning gay friends, denouncing anti-gay insensitivity when you encounter it, and normalizing the whole subject matter above and beyond what any specific family members may or may not want to do with their genitals is probably the most gracious thing you can do. David Schmader answered in Gay Pride 11 months ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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  1 0 You need to tread carefully. If he's straight, he could be really pissed if you ask him point blank "are you gay?" Especially if he's straight and insecure, you're lighting the fuse on a family awkwardness firebomb. Better to make it known subtly that you are completely cool with the gays. Subtly mention that you had lunch yesterday with your coworker and his boyfriend and it was such a great time, or some shit like that. Make it up if you have to. Just communicate however you think is best, (WITHOUT insinuating that you think HE is gay) that you have gay friends, and straight friends, and isn't that just hunky dory that some people are gay and some are straight. Then let it go. Let him come out to you. He will if he wants to, once you've established that it's safe. You should also consider the possibility that he is gay and doesn't want anybody to know. Some people just prefer to stay in the closet. As long as they're not preaching anti-gay hate in some mega-church or passing laws in Congress that restrict gay rights, it's their own damn business. You need to be prepared for that. He might be gay, and just think it's none of your damn business. The best move you can make here is making it known that you would welcome it if he came out, but put the ball in his court. Don't ask him point blank and force him to answer a question he may not want you to ask. soundslikepuget answered in Gay Pride 11 months ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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  1 0 Here's the thing. It really and truly is HIS business if he wants to come out. He may be waiting for the "right time" to come out, he may still be figuring his shit out or he may never come out to your "don't ask don't tell" kind of family. It's his choice, and his life. However, it's really cool that you want to support him. I say bring it up from your own perspective. When I was younger, it was always easier to come out to someone who gave me an opening like, "God, it drives me crazy how puritanical this school/group/family is. They're all such homophobic Republican prudes!" or what have you. Let him know how your family's style bothers YOU, then ask if it bothers HIM, then go ahead and ask if he's a 'mo. Gina Young answered in Gay Pride 11 months ago | Report Comment on this answer Enter your comment or ask a new question New comments are not being accepted at this time.

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