Cell phones and tweens for Questionland Seattle

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Cell phones and tweens

My sister has a couple kids, one is 12 years old. He has started nagging her to let him get a cell phone. She is on the fence about whether to give in. She likes the idea that she'll be able to get a hold of them anytime, and considers it a safety issue.
I understand this, but part of me feels like it's too early for him to be chatting and texting all the time, and anyway, aren't kids supposed to be untethered?
What do you all think? When is a good age for kids to have phones?

Roger Parker asked in Teens & Tweens 10 months ago | Report

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Three words: Don't do it.
It's one more piece of technology to take them away from using their imagination. I made this mistake with my 12-year-old daughter. And now her finger has literally melded with the text pad. She's 15 now so it is a matter of safety. But no way am I giving my 12 year old one again.

Cheryl answered in Teens & Tweens 10 months ago | Report

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Kim Estes from Savvy Parents Safe Kids

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I get asked this question quite a bit in my Tween safety class. I always advise parents to consider their kids maturity level and if they seem responsible enough to have a phone. As well as considering your family lifestyle. If you have a child who is babysitting, walking home alone, spending time out and about with their friends.. then a phone can be a great way to stay "connected" with your kid but not be hovering over them.

It is also important to remember that at this age, kids get less inclined to go aks a mom for help, especially when it comes to risky peer situations. A cell phone can give your kid an opportunity to contact you when they need help - but allow for them to "fly under the radar" with their friends.

Plus, a cell phone is a great way for your kid to "check in" with you when the plan changes.

I am not recommending that kids need a full data plan and parents should think VERY CAREFULLY about GPS tracking on their kids phones... but a basic phone with some limited texting can help kids explore their world but keep them conected with their parents.

Kim Estes from Savvy Parents Safe Kids answered in Teens & Tweens 10 months ago | Report

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Sally Kidder Davis, PCI Parent Coach at Parent Well

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Hi Roger,

My first thought is that this technology is not going away, as much as most of us parents would like it to!! And the reality is that our children are digital natives, while we're digital immigrants. This technology is second nature to them which makes our job all the more challenging when it comes to monitoring our children's social networking activities.

So, how does a parent navigate this quagmire? In my opinion twelve is not too young to start the process of teaching your nephew how to use a cell phone responsibly. And your sister can do that by giving him a cell phone 'with parameters' such as:
1. Limit texting options - available thru the cell phone carrier
2. Use only during the day - returns to Mom at a time she determines (most of my clients have asked that phones be returned to them at bedtime)
3. Charge it whenever possible - saying the battery died is a very popular excuse for not answering the phone.
4. Help him understand that having a cell phone is a privilege, not a right and responsibilities come with privileges.
5. Who pays for it when it gets lost (it will) or broken (that too)? We handled that by buying insurance and expecting our children to pay the deductible.

Safety is a concern. Middle schoolers seem to get themselves in the most trouble - and it make sense when you think about where their brain development is (or is not!). I would suggest your sister check out some cybersafety websites - which I will post later today.

Sally Kidder Davis, PCI Parent Coach at Parent Well answered in Teens & Tweens 10 months ago | Report

6 comments by Matt from Denver, new york state of mind, and Matt from Denver…

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margit crane

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Hi Roger,

I work mostly with families with teens so I see the effects of getting a cell phone too soon.

Just because the 12-year old wants a phone doesn't mean he should get one. That being said, if it will make your sister feel better then it can be a good thing.

I think it depends on the child, yes, but it also depends on how the child handles freedom and responsibility. The problem with cell phones at an early age is often not the child who has the cell phone but the children (or icky adults) who can reach out to the child.

There definitely need to be rules around technology, including cell phones and your sister can certainly make this something that your nephew works towards. (If he proves himself trustworthy than he can have the phone).

Rules should be made into a contract that parents and child sign. For example:
Phone goes off at 9pm and is put into charger in parents' bedroom.

She can also put limits on the phone. For instance, no texting, no camera, no wifi/internet. Those are not safety issues and aren't necessary. Or she can put a limit on the number of texts he sends. Or he can pay for texting by doing chores.

So many possibilities!

Here are some blog posts I've done on phones, etc:

Junk Sleep: http://margitcrane.com/2007/12/junk-sleep/

Night Texting: http://margitcrane.com/2009/08/night-texting-is-jeopardizing-teens-health/

How much texting is reasonable: http://margitcrane.com/2010/11/how-much-texting-is-reasonable/

And here's a great cell phone contract from Savvy Parents, Safe Kids: http://savvyparentssafekids.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Family_Cellphone_contract.pdf

Hope this helps

Margit@MargitCrane.com

margit crane answered in Teens & Tweens 10 months ago | Report

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From my perspective as a father and a school administrator I think a cell phone, without texting or internet access, is the safest tool for a 12 year old. I would want have access to my sons once they reach middle school age or when they might get into a situation where transportation can be an issue. But I have seen too many incidents where good kids make bad choices, or are the victims of others' bad choices, when they text/chat/message. Most of it has to do with bullying or harassment, but sometimes "sexting" is an issue as well. If you can control or monitor texts/messages, do. I would say that when you feel your son or daughter are old enough to deal with what they might see as highly emotional situations in a safe and appropriate way, they are at a point that a cell phone with texting and internet access would be appropriate. Otherwise I would stick with phone only.

Not to mention cell phones drive teachers crazy in the classroom.

I hope this was helpful.

Assistant Principal answered in Teens & Tweens 10 months ago | Report

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