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Reputation: 38

What's proper Facebook etiquette in regards to a break up?

1) Do you unfriend your ex?
2) Do you delete old photos?
3) Do you defriend your friends ex?

This question isn't situation based. I'm just curious if any sort of standard netiquette has been established yet.

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10 Answers

  • Hair_hipstamatic_small
    Reputation: 1711

    I've been through one break up since joining facebook and I didn't do any of the things you mentioned. Of course, it was an amicable split. I might unfriend an ex if he had cheated on me or something. Or I might just change his security clearance so he can't see as much of my page. I would never ask or expect a friend to unfriend my ex, but if one of my friends asked me to do so for them I would. As for the photos, that is a more subjective area. I think it would depend on the photos themselves.

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  • Medium_2868373187_b2c11c89cf_o_small
    Reputation: 2266

    I just recently went through this experience as well. After my girlfriend moved out, I went ahead and unfriended her and a few of her friends that I had not had a close friendship with. I left the friends that I was close with, but figure that they will slowly unfriend themselves over time. I leave that up to them.

    The problem I feel about it now, is that my ex and I split on fairly good terms, both understanding we just weren't right for each other. But I think that my unfriending her on facebook may have sent the wrong message, that I did it because I was angry/upset/etc. I don't think she understood that it was more of an issue of not being able to see pictures of her, or read her updates, or just know that she is there. I knew that if she was, I would make the mistake of looking at her page or reading what she is doing, and getting miserable and sad.

    So looking back on it all, I might suggest just sending a message on facebook explaining to your ex why you need to distance yourself right now, and that maybe in the future you can re-invite each other and be friends again. After the emotional fallout from the breakup.

    For photos, I haven't decided yet. I will probably take them down in time, but I am not sure. They are a part of my history, but when I do end up dating or getting into another relationship I wouldn't want any confusion to arise about them. So I will probably take them down eventually, or un-tag myself.

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  • Funny-pictures-rabbit-sticks-his-tongue-out_small
    Reputation: 263

    I wouldn't consider doing any of the things you listed unless it was a giant mess. And I don't do giant messes of relationships so I wouldn't do any of those things.

    I think about it this way: why does it matter what relation they had to you? Your current feelings are all that should matter. ie: You probably wouldn't de-friend your ex-coworkers unless they were assholes. You probably wouldn't delete old photos with them even if they were assholes. So why an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend?

    But I would totally de-friend my friend's cunt-y ex.

    (too many hyphens)

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  • Swedishchef_small
    Reputation: 230

    as someone who has been subjected to other people's breakups online, i would like to gently request that you do whatever you can to spare us your angst and your fighting. go ahead and let facebook announce that you "are now single s friends or gripe about your ex in status updates or get pissy when friends prefer to remain neutral. TIA

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  • 49136_1332159449_7599_n_small
    Reputation: -1

    I just wrote an article about the proper facebook breakup etiquette, hope it helps. =)

    http://blog.hudsonhorizons.com/Article/Facebook-Breakup-Etiquette-Surviving-a-Breakup-in-the-FB-World.htm

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  • Happyfoxsq_small
    Reputation: 172

    I didn't unfriend my ex when we broke up, but I did have to change my relationship status. I opted for just removing relationship status altogether and then removing the status change update from my feed so that it I wouldn't get a ton of facebook comments about it. He switched his status to "single." If the breakup hadn't been mostly amicable, I would have unfriended him, and if I start feeling sad from seeing his facebook updates, I'd probably hide him from my feed, but not unfriend.

    We didn't have a ton of photos of us together, but if there had been some that were really couple-y, I would have deleted them.

    I only friend people who are at least sort of my real friends, so significant others of good friends of mine don't get added unless I know and like them. And if I do, I wouldn't defriend them even if they broke up with the person who introduced us.

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  • Gogogophers_small
    Reputation: 864

    Social networking is cultural cancer. Conscious self-image and triviality in a daily dosage. I think I'm gonna be sick.

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  • Gnome_small
    Reputation: 267

    I'm dealing with this right now!!!

    I'm considering un-friending my ex because I feel he is stalking me on facebook. He said a few things that were random, and made me wonder at the time, "How would he know that?" It kinda creeped me out. In talking with another friend, I found out he was making some accusations and coming to some unfounded conclusions about me ("I knew she had a thing for him!" kind of things) that are totally untrue.

    I'm considering asking a few friends of mine, that are totally my friends and in no way "split" friends, to unfriend him. I don't want to feel judged by him and I think the absence of contact and exposure to each other's lives for a while will be healthy for us both (especially him...). I'm truly bummed it has come to this, as I do want a friendship in the future, but right now it's not shaping up well for the immediate future.

    AS for photos, I'm probably not going to take too many down, but likely untag some. I think a full deletion of things on facebook is a little drastic, but I'm down to do what is appropriate for me.

    I would love to hear other POVs on this!!

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  • Nedward_small
    Reputation: 135

    i think it is useful remain FB friends with an ex, as this person is still a part of your historical social network. if you make a new friend, connect over FB, and find that this person is also FB friends of your ex, that could be valuable knowledge for you. if you don't want to see updates of your ex or do not want your ex seeing your updates, make the appropriate changes in your profile's privacy.

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  • Avatar_default
    Reputation: -6

    Since Im a player I've had to do alot of breaking up in my time. A man like me can't be held down to one woman for to long or else it gets all smelly and flacid. So I have to find quick and efficiant ways to tell her its off and Im back out on the horizon to pull more tail with my sexy shirts and hot dance moves. The best way to handel a facbook after a break up is not to defriend them, after all thats where I meet most of the women I get on with and you never want to burn bridges. You never know when even a stud like me will hit a dry spell and none of the dance movies and sweet sweatpants will light the fires of love in any of the sexy ladies you meet. Probably should delete old photos dont want any of the new honies to be getting jelouse and if I see my friend had unfriended his ex that to me is like the green light go! to hit up that shit. So no I would not defriend a friends Ex I would friend them and try and get in them sweet smelling underpants.

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