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As a gay parent, is it wrong to be happy that my children are straight?

My partner and I have 4 children (21, 19, and twin 3 year olds). At a recent social gathering, the topic of the silly idea that gay parents produce gay children came up. As part of my response, I mentioned that I was happy that my two older children clearly identify as heterosexual. My gay friends, who don't have children, freaked. They felt that idea was insulting to gay people and that as a gay male I should be ashamed.

I didn't say that I wouldn't love them if they were gay because I would. Their sexual orientation is not a reflection of my parenting skills so why would I be upset if they were gay?

Just as the world is set up to accommodate right hand people as opposed to left handed people, our society is set up to accommodate heterosexuals. In a perfect world that wouldn't be the case and the playing field would be level. But, given that's not the current situation, I am happy that their sexual orientation will make their life a little bit easier than my life has been as a gay male. Is it so wrong for a parent to want their child's life to be a little easier than their own? Even if that means being happy they're straight?

IGUB asked Dan Savage in Sex & Relationships over 2 years ago | Report

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  • Savage_small
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    Honestly? I'm a bit relieved that my son is straight -- and, yes, we know, even though he's 11, just as my mother knew about me when I was 5. But my relief is mostly political, not due to any worry about the world being a nicer and more accommodating place for breeders. If my son were gay, the religious right would jump on that fact as proof that having gay parents makes children gay.

    Fact is, though, out children's sexual orientations aren't up to us, just as it wasn't up to our parents. Children with gay parents are no likelier to be gay when they grow up than children with straight parents. Most gay parents are going to have straight children for the same reason most straight parents have straight children... because most children are straight.

    Dan Savage answered in Sex & Relationships over 2 years ago | Report
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