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• Reputation: 345 Q&A: 3 0 0 302 17 0 Classifieds: 0 0 what's this? Expert: 1 topic Sex & Relationships Follow Following 2

  2 0 You are not obligated to undergo fertility treatments before adopting, SnC. Do what feels right, go where your heart tells you to go. Dan Savage answered in Sex & Relationships over 2 years ago | Report 7 comments by Jakey Riotllama, SnC, and SnC… 0 0 I was adopted at birth by parents who couldn't have kids and tried fertility doctors. Go for adoption! Don't waste all that money and emotion. There are plenty of children out there who need good homes, *more children then there are adoptive parents.* You are in no way being selfish for wanting to adopt. Thank you for believing that a child can be yours even if it didn't pop out of you. Jakey Riotllama commented over 2 years ago | Report 0 0 Thanks, Dan and Jakey. Most of our friends who have adopted are gay couples, but we do know one straight couple who adopted, but only after being grilled by their agency about just how hard they worked to resolve their infertility. They are Catholics, which got them around it, but that story ratcheted up my concerns at least a notch. I have started the hunt for an agency that will not go nuts over that and will answer my questions--and, preferably, one that doesn't describe its outreach to birth mothers in terms that sound more like hunting big game. SnC commented over 2 years ago | Report 0 0 Thanks, Dan and Jakey. Most of our friends who have adopted are gay couples, but we do know one straight couple who adopted, but only after being grilled by their agency about just how hard they worked to resolve their infertility. They are Catholics, which got them around it, but that story ratcheted up my concerns at least a notch. SnC commented over 2 years ago | Report 0 0 It seems very strange that the agency gave them such a hard time about trying fertility treatments- that doesn't make sense to me at all. I'd say, if you want to adopt, adopt! From what you've described, the fertility treatment sounds mighty expensive given the risks and the low chance of success. And as Jakey said above, there are many children in need of good homes. Don't let anyone tell you that you are not trying, or not trying hard enough, if you adopt without first undergoing fertility treatments. And anyone who says you're less of a woman or less of a mother for adopting is full of shit. zephine commented over 2 years ago | Report 0 0 RE: agencies and fertility. Around here (Mid-Atlantic), it's not uncommon for agencies to require proof (???) of infertility to get into some of the domestic pool programs. What constitutes proof--just how infertile you have to be--is part of the question. This is even the policy at Catholic Charities near me. SnC commented over 2 years ago | Report 0 0 SnC- My husband and I are waiting for an adoption referral in PA. We also did not undergo infertility treatments for the reasons you mentioned, plus I watched them turn my sister into an emotional basketcase for three years, and I didn't want that. If you feel adoption is the best way to have your family, it's no one else's business. (I'm actually shocked an agency would question it. Ours never mentioned it.) shiver commented over 2 years ago | Report 0 0 I think adopting is one of the least selfish things you can do. I had always thought of the opposite concern: if I were unable to have children someday, would it be selfish of me to want biological children and try fertility treatments when there are so many children in need of adoption. And I'm an in-vitro baby! Good luck. TangoDoc commented over 2 years ago | Report Enter your comment or ask a new question preview THIS IS A PREVIEW: Click "Post" to submit it or "Edit" to make changes. edit Please wait… This could take a minute if the tubes are clogged.

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