if i were you, i would just go for gold. Ask him to do something and then just stick his weiner in you. you will feel realieved and happy at the outcome he leaves for you when done.!

Hitachi magic wand.

I like the attachments - but I'd get the silicone ones, not the plastic hollow ones.

Don't tell everyone. They won't talk about it then.

I wouldn't if you work with him - that is asking for trouble.

If you just want a de-flowering, FWB - Look on Love Lab.

You'll find what you want.

I'd avoid this guy as a potential de-flowerer, mostly because you work with him.

Sex changes things and since you've never had it, you might be surprised at the way it changes things.

It might be super weird and uncomfortable if you ask and get rejected.

Or ask and get accepted and then things get weird.

I'm thinking that there are plenty of lovely men out there who would be happy to help you out. I'd ask your close friends to hook you up with someone trustworthy, cute enough and who will treat you with care and kindness as you embark on this amazing and fabu part of life!

An arranged hook-up.

Good luck!

I'm the most interested in the "at work" part of your question; it poses the most risk. You see him every day? Your peer, or your boss, or subordinate? How would it be to work together if you were in your lovers aftermath, whatever that looked like?

Putting that aside, you ask him out for something innocuous, see how that goes, and if your bells are still ringing, then confide that you are inexperienced, but attracted. Don't tell him he's not boyfriend material, that's rude. As well as unforeseen... Your feelings might change. Sexual attraction goes a long way as far as compatibility goes.

You're lucky he's older, he's more likely to feel sympathetic. The older like to help the young thru their embarrassments ;-) We find them endearing.

People who don't date ,don't flirt, and don't have sex are often blind to one thing: potential rejection comes with the territory. You have to have a certain sense of humor about it, and the sex drive to persist in spite of taking a tumble now and then. There is no fool-proof way to proposition someone... That is part of what makes it so exciting.

You can be a little more subtle than "hey, wanna fuck?"

If he is older he can probably understand what you are getting at if you just ask him: "would you like to get a drink after work with me?"

Or find some time to talk to him alone and just explain some of your situation - that you aren't looking for anything serious but that you find him attractive - and then ask him if he wants to "go for a drink" or "come over to my place for dinner".

These are the code words for "wanna fuck?" that most of us use. He should understand, at the same time that you don't have to be totally blatant about it.

I know you said you've never been in love before, but there was something heartbreaking between the lines. You lost your lover after 30+ years! She said you sexually disappointed her? Her new dude wants you out of the way? Jesus Christ on a cracker! I think you might want to get mad, have a good howl, and go on a bender. No one can just perkily step into the dating scene after all this.

Connect with old friends, make some plans to do things you've always loved and maybe haven't made time for lately. Let the nature of your interests and pursuits lead you into social situations. Write a couple personal ads, laugh and tear them up. Then do one for real.

This is a huge transition... It's not an instant fix-it. The fact that you want to love life, love someone new, is endearing and hopeful. You won't be the first 60yrold to be in this 2nd run... Not at all. I wish you the very best...

Is it the case in 25 years of marriage this is the first sex toy? Rather than ordering a vibrator as a gift, I think a more touching gift would be a couples trip to a female-friendly toy shop like Babeland in Seattle. You might come back with something completely different. There's nothing unusual about a sex toy as a gift; I'm just suggesting collaboration and communications during the selection process. If you and the wife don't normally talk about the kind of stimulation that works best for you, this is a good chance to talk.

Magic Wand is VERY powerful compared to the common battery-powered vibrator. It has a lot of fans, but it's not for everybody. I will say one positive thing about the dildo-style attachment(s) for the Magic Wand. While it might not be well-regarded for vaginal penetration, it is really quite nice for anal rimming and prostate stimulation.

As mentioned in the other answer, your partner would have to have it first. Also, you only have to worry about this is you don't have it: about 90% of so of folks who have the virus don't know they have it - it's not part of most regular STD screens, so even if you came back "all negative" at your most recent test, herpes may not have been part of that test.

Assuming they do: the next question is what type they have, HSV1 (usually oral) or HSV2 (usually genital). Each type has a preferred location, but it's possible to get either type in either location.

Long story short, yes, transmission is possible; but:

* getting HSV2 orally from sucking someone off is apparently very rare: this is likely the situation you're asking about. See here: "If your partner has genital HSV-2 and you perform oral sex on him or her, there is a very low risk that you will get oral HSV-2"

* Having your partner take suppressive meds (Acyclovir or some variant - check with a healthcare professional for details) reduces risk again.

* If they have HSV1 genitally, then there's a higher chance of getting that vs HSV2 - assuming you don't already have HSV1. If you've ever had a cold sore, you're already in the 60-80% of the population that has this.

* Condom usage: the issue here is that for other types of sex (notably penetration), the condom only covers the penis, but the herpes virus can be present on other parts of the skin in the groin area - eg balls, ass. It's not as simple to contain as HIV, where so long as you contain the fluid, you're fine. In theory, if you used a condom and avoided any skin to skin contact, you'd have zero risk. (You may also have a proportional amount of fun...)

Hi Page One: I'm on my way to Seattle right now, and if you see me I will answer you question in even more details. The answer, as our comrades below have detailed, is YES.

However, you should know that sex educators always make a face when people ask this question, because it belies a great deal of public misinformation on the herpes virus.

Herpes and the common cold are the most common virus humans share.

Here's the deal: If you haven't been locked in a bubble all over life, there's a very good chance you already have herpes. You may be asymtomatic as yet— you can be for years. You might never have an outbreak.

It's a disease that has its little "bursts" when your immune system is stressed— that's why people often get "a cold sore" (herpes) as a prelude to getting a bad flu, or why women suffer so much more from herpes outbreaks because they tend to arrive with every menstrual period.

You could get herpes from kissing, wrestling, damp towels, the famous toilet seat (although that would be rare) humping, all kinds of skin and sweaty-issue contact.

And depending on where the contact is, it can appear anywhere on your skin, not just your genitals. Yes, it has a slightly different name when it's on your genitals, but that is splitting a hair.

The relief/protection is the same, no matter the patch of skin: prophylactic and treatment-based use of the drug acyclovir, which also gets called names like "famvir" and the popular brand "Valtrex."

Valtrex acts as a powerful brake— it doesn't eradicate the virus, it just "stops symptoms cold." HA! Sorry for the indulgence in drug ad patter.

It also protects you from GETTING the virus or GIVING the virus, if used prophylactially. The darn pills should be over the counter and handed out like M&M's.

Here is much more detailed info— I've written about this at length!

Yes, but the chances are slim IF he is taking proper medication.

Even without visible sores there is a chance of transmission. That being said, if his sores are in specific spots and are not near the head of his cock, then you will probably be very safe to give him a blowjob (that combined with him taking medication and no visible sores, I mean).

Despite all that, yes there is a chance you could get herpes still. A condom would remove even that small chance.

yep. But only if he has herpes. If he doesn't have herpes it will not spontaneously generate through a hummer. Condoms aren't terribly effective against herpes, apparently.

I'm married and monogamous now but when I was single and having sex with lots o' women I pretty much assumed I'd get herpes eventually. Somehow, I never did.

Okay, i want to get specific to YOUR situation, so tell me this, Ms New Lesbian:

a. what kind of vaginal infection did you suffer from?
b. how old are you?
c. have you had sex with men, too? In the past or currently?

I promise you, these details will really pay off in my answer.

The STIs that can be transferred on hands, toys and via mouths are hpv, yeast, chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, trichomonas and bacterial vaginosis and rarely HIV. A lot of this depends on the type of sex you're having (oral, with toys, etc), skin integrity (cuts, sores, active lesions, etc) and with what kind of vigor it is taking place. What I see most of in my clinic (I'm a nurse practitioner/midwife) with my lesbian clients is bacterial vaginosis, chlamydia/gonorrhea and trichomonas. I counsel my patients to get tested as well as their partners and to use dental dams, gloves, everyone have their own toys or use condoms over them and changing the condoms between partners. If both partners test negative, are openly communicative and practice basic safer sex guidelines they generally have good outcomes. Hope this helps.

Hi Suzie! I'm familiar with your work on the relationship between breath, "making sound" and developing your orgasm. There's also Beverly Whipple and her colleagues research into how the vagus nerve made orgasm accessible for her spinal-cord injury-affected subjects.

—Are you fishing for compliments? ;-)

Let me take this into a different direction. Most women who have difficulty with orgasm may well take an interest in their breath patterns. BUT!— first and foremost, they need to be aroused.The woman who's not turned on... is dealing with the primary issue right there. 

If you say, "sing! open up your voice!" they will likely experience joy, release, the fun of letting rip— but that alone is unlikely to get them off as a first try.

When I speak to college women, and 30% of them can't get off... i don't want to start a sing-a-long, I want to give them a vibrator on their clit and tell them to think of the most outrageous sexual taboo they can allow!  We're dealing with a sexual illiteracy epidemic here, and I'm impatient.

For women who have had their sex stuff messed with, by surgery, by injury, I always rec'd orgasmic breathing work and experimentation. For women who are sophisticated in sex and just want to open up every box, i say the same thing. But those women are already on the hunt! 

Another thing: I think the tension of both "letting go" of your deep breath/voice ALONG with the "holding back", the stifling part, the breath-holding, is what makes orgasm intense. It's like bondage, it's all a matter of restraint and letting loose.

Laura, I want to give you a personal, serious answer, if you would tell me a couple details:

Who are the people, exactly? Family, best friends, work or school mates? How do they know whether you have a sexual partner or not?

Or do you mean, a general sense of the media judgement, or the "voice inside one's head'?

That will make a big difference to my answer.

Hey Misty,

I love your Phyllis Diller 'do. Can everyone get their hair to do that? I think not!

Performance anxiety over female ejaculation is VERY annoying. You'll notice that men don't tear themselves apart over how they come, how they reach orgasm... it's the preoccupation of the insecure and fragile territory of female sexual competitiveness.

Here's what all women have: a clitoris. And that clitoris has a "back room," in addition to the glans that we can see outside at the head of our vulva.

Imagine if men could only see the HEAD of their penis! It would be a different world.

The clitoral body includes a urethral sponge, sometimes called a "g-spot."

Here's the best darn diagram of the whole thing, drawn speedy-style by Betty Dodson.

Some women can stimulate their clit to ejaculation, and others don't feel the urge. It completely irresponsible to suggest that non-ejaculation is because one is "repressed," or "traumatized." The truth is: we don't know. Women's clitoral sexual response has barely been studied, and we've got a looooong way to go.

Surely the variety of response is similar to why not all men can come from someone licking their balls, and why not all men can orgasm from prostate stimulation. Individual response and taste accounts for a lot!

What's helpful is to understand clitoral anatomy, and feel free to explore one's pleasure and curiousity. That's where the conversation begins and ends.