I have a recipe passed down from my mother's mother (Grandmartina) which consists of Crisco, butter and raisins.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Easy; whenever I feel depression coming on, I watch my favorite movie in the whole wide world (Curly Sue). On the very rare occasion that doesn't work, I tickle myself. If that STILL doesn't chase the gloomies away, I drink half a bottle of Karo Syrup. Foolproof!

I must tell you that was a commercial and was make-believe. :(

Up.

Scabies emigrated from the South of Belgium during prohibition and actually have a wonderful work ethic.

The closer to Hickory Farms, the nearer to free samples.

No worries, it's all good. :)

One has a "K" and the other has an "N".

You're all over the map!

1) I've never seen you barefoot either, but I was in stocking feet for the opening night of my last Christmas show because I forgot my pumps at home!

2) I USED to have Carmel Toes, but I lost my recipe for them a while back :( So sad because I LOVE Brazil nuts!

And HOW! Whenever I bring it to parties, peeps can't resist it!

I haven't one, but Sandy Duncan did look at me oddly once.

I always use Bioré strips.

If it's bad, yes!
Cream of celery soup.

PS - I'm performing 2 shows in NYC June 21st and here's where you get tickets: http://spincyclenyc.com/index.php/liveperformances/1-live-performances/179-moribund

I don't have a pet camel; I have a pet adopted daughter.

Fine.
No.
Sandals.

Most of my money is in rolls of quarters, because peeps will always need to do laundry.

Thank you for that, however, I did not attend European boarding school. I proudly almost graduated form Las Vegas High.

The one with the Pyramids.

No, but I met a real nice Captain Morgan once.

My advice for Aunt Mavis: When you feel laughter coming on, quickly lie down (that way you can't fall).

My advice for you: I've found that those little plastic jelly containers they give you at Denny's make wonderful mini terrariums. They also make really good Barbie sinks - duh!

Too painful and/or soon.

I have no idea of what you speak, Mr. Woody.

My accompaner, Mr Chris Jeffries. He doesn't talk much but, boy, less sure is more!

Just go to the casino and talk to him directly.

Lush back hair is commonly found on Mid-Eastern and Mid-Western ladies alike, and for the last several years, I've been purposely cultivating my back hair to its longest possible length (1-2") and then donating it to Locks of Love so they can turn it into wigs for needy peeps. When harvesting, I neither bleach nor wax the hair, but instead I tweeze it. You need a lot of mirrors and some pretty good arm extension (or an adopted daughter to help with hard-to-reach areas), but it's worth it to get the most out of your crop. Also, to ensure the silkiest crop possible, brush 100 times every night at bedtime.

It's not really clear to me if you want to eradicate your callouses or keep them soft and supple, but here are my suggestions:

To eradicate: Take a cheese grater (Sur La Table, $175) to them. The by-product is nice on pasta and salads.

To keep them soft and supple: At bedtime, apply extra virgin olive oil to callouses and sleep with white cotton gloves on your feet.

When the Red Red Robin Comes Bob Bob Bobbin' Along

Space thread.