Sounds like your a self hating atheist, just kidding. Don't put them in a religious daycare and let them know santa and the tooth fairy aren't real. A religious daycare is just setting you up to be preached at by your kids later in life. "Mommy and daddy are going to hell." Doesn't sound fun to me. Be honest and let them know to respect other peoples believes. There is enough asshole atheist in this world I should know.

Don't even worry about it. *IF* it comes up, this is an excellent teachable moment for tolerance. Using age-appropriate language and nuance your unique little one understands, I suggest you explain Worship/Religion is a deeply personal choice and, as with all cultures, there are many flavors. Grandma etc. likes hers served in the Catholic way, Cousin Stacey is a Rasta, etc. Muslim friends wear different clothes, etc. But it all for the same thing. Personal belief--or non-belief as is the flavor you refer to which is just as valid as all the other belief systems. Keep it simple, light-handed, and always age-appropriate. You'll all be just fine. Kids are smarter than we can even comprehend. Best of luck to you ...

Kids already understand atheism, it's the theisms that are hard to explain.

I always talk about the mythologies, Greek mythology, Christian mythology, Buddhist mythology, etc... Explaining Jesus is just like explaining Zeus.

Are you saying that you and your partner are Atheists?

My wife solved it by coaching our children that others were going to try to convince and convert them to THEIR way of thinking. She told them the best response is a simple "We don't believe that." and to change the subject. It's worked pretty well for others... but not the grandparents.

If it's not your belief set, I'm not sure that I'd worry about it. A simple statement that there are some people who do not believe in a supreme being or in organized religion might suffice.

But, I really like the other answers that you were given here. They were very all encompassing!

Have you kids ever had imaginary friends? That's a good analogy - "Lots of people have imaginary friends who remind them to be good people, to be nice to everyone, to share, and to help others. Some people love their imaginary friends so much that they paint beautiful paintings and write beautiful poems to honor them." Etc. etc. with stuff like praying.

The takeaway is "Lots of people, like Grandma and Grandpa, believe in these friends, and that's OK. Lots of people don't, like me, and that's OK too. If you ever have any questions, you can always ask me. But some people don't like to talk about it, so __[insert your parental policy here]__."

Personally, I think young kids have a better shot than most people of asking blunt but earnest questions about religion without giving offense. It's up to you to draw boundaries for your kid. Ask away, ask anyone but your grandparents, ask politely if it's OK to talk about first, ask Mommy or me if it's OK to ask someone else, etc.

Hi JB,

The first example is negotiation; the second is hostage-taking. Remember you're the parent so you can decide which situations are okay for her to negotiate and which aren't.

"I love you, honey, and this isn't negotiable" is perfectly fine to say.

She won't lose her intellect or skills just because you play the parent, so don't worry about that. But if she thinks things are negotiable she's going to be really unhappy with reality.

Hope this helps.
Margit@MargitCrane.com

I recommend this blog post for setting up behavior expectations that work:
http://margitcrane.com/2011/06/child-behavior-a-formula-for-harmony/

You actually have a huge question here. But here are some things that stand out:

1. When you ask him, why does 15 minutes go by? If it's time, it's time. Some kids need more guidance and that's okay.

2. I'm guessing that, without knowing it or intending it, your communication sets him up to lie. So for instance, because he's distracted, instead of asking, "Did you brush your teeth?" which he will lie about if it's not done, have him breathe on you when he's done, or go with him.

He's only 9, it's okay.

I wish I could answer more but this really is a question of tweaking your parenting a bit to fit this child. Not that he should push you around but parenting techniques need to be tailored for the child. It's hard for children to fit your mold.

Hope this helps
I do offer a free 20-min consult if you want to talk.

Margit@MargitCrane.com

It's not in north Seattle and I don't know how old your kids are but the VERA project at the Seattle center is great if you (and your kids) have an intrest in music art or screen printing. There are tons of volunteer opportunities and classes as well it's great for the middle school and high school set and is great teaching kids responsibility as well as a fun environment check out theveraproject.org to get an idea of the various ways you can get involved

For volunteering, I've had a lot of fun working with EarthCorps. They do restoration and planting work at parks around Seattle, including many in the North End, and children can help out as long as they have a parent with them and sign a waiver. Here's a calendar of upcoming events that you can sign up for online:

http://www.earthcorps.org/volunteer.php

You could also volunteer at a local food bank. Most of them are always looking for help, and I'm sure some or most of them would welcome kids. I volunteered with my mom at the Family Works Food Bank in Wallingford when I was a kid and always had a good time. You can find a list of food banks in Seattle here: http://data.seattle.gov/dataset/Food-Banks/ryz5-i54h

Yeah, Lmarie, I'm with Mahtli. When you make the decision to go ahead and start having kids, it's time to do the things you need to do to get your own place. I don't know a grandmother yet who, give similar circumstances, doesn't secretly think, "I've raised my children. I don't want to raise my children's children, too," even though many do. I think there is always some degree of resentment when they are forced to do so.

You don't want to live with Mama.

My first thought is get your own place, perhaps nearby, but don't live with the mom. When it comes down to it, your #1 priority is taking care of your baby, and you don't trust her in this regard. Perhaps it's time to address all of the issues you listed here less delicately with your boyfriend AND his mom.

On the other hand, perhaps you can't afford a place on your own, and perhaps you'll be depending on the mom for childcare assistance. Assuming you will be working, full time childcare is ridiculously expensive, so having someone around to help you out is invaluable. Of course, she could still help you out with childcare if she lives nearby.

If you decide to live with her, lay out some ground rules. For example, it would be better if she rents a room from you, as opposed to it being HER house. Then, she can be as big a slob as she wants in her space, but must respect the common areas. The reality is that her habits are not going to change, and keeping the house clean will most likely fall to you and your boyfriend. And, don't be shy about not letting her drive with the baby. If any of these topics are so touchy that you're unable to even discuss them, then that's even stronger evidence that you shouldn't live with her.

One final point, and that is to consider the power dynamic of your family. You didn't mention anything about the relationship between your boyfriend and his mom. 21 and still living at home sets off a few alarm bells. I have a hunch that their relationship is rife with codependency and unhealthy emotional attachment, but you didn't directly say that (though you did allude to never being able to get away from her once you go down this path). How well do you fit into all of this? Do they gang up on you? Is she overbearing with your boyfriend? With you? Perhaps this stuff is all my imagination, but my gut says this is not a good situation. You should not live with her if you can possibly avoid it, nor should you allow yourself to get bullied into something you're not comfortable with.

Maybe they have trouble finding their SUV amongst a sea of identical sort-of-pewter SUVs and need their unique family configuration (look! a straight couple, two kids, a dog and a cat!) to figure out which one just beeped back at their remote control.

*How my Dad took care of me during the day when I was a baby-preschooler, because my Mom worked at the Bank of Seattle during the day, and Dad was on the night shift at Boeing. He was building our house, so he'd bring me up to the shop and let me pound nails and play in the sawdust piles while he worked (Mom made him promise I'd wear earphones, so my hearing today is still good).

*The look on my Dad's face when I surprised him at a Camp Fire event in Seattle when I was going to college in Idaho. I got a ride to the Fauntleroy with a friend, walked on the ferry, and walked 13 miles from the ferry dock to the south end of Vashon through the night to surprise him there the next day.

*How my Dad called me at college once and left me a "just to say I love you" message on my machine, which I still have. After I went through a bad breakup, he also picked out a few random books on my Amazon wish list and sent them to me on Valentine's Day, just out of the blue.

My dad runs a small construction company. As kids, we had crazy bad nightmares (which is probably common). I was especially afraid of monsters (all kinds of creatures waiting to get me in the shadows). When I was growing up, my dad was a pretty gruff former marine/helicopter mechanic, beer-drinking, NRA-lovin, rightwing guy. But he came up with the best solution to protect us!! (This fantastical story wouldn't have been so surprising coming from my Hippie Liberal mom, but from dad?!?)

He told us that he had rounded up all the monsters into his dump truck and driven them over to The Monster Woods. There he put them in this monster wildlife preserve, where they could live out their days but couldn't hurt us anymore. It totally worked for me, and gave an added sense of awe whenever I looked at the dump truck in our side yard. I thought my dad was pretty powerful, too!! (Years later, I learned that my younger sister wasn't buying this story. While she believed dad had rounded up SOME of the monsters, she felt there were always more critters out to get her. *sad*)

My mom is from Northern Minnesota, and all of her family except her ended up living nearby. They all get to spend major holidays at my grandparents' house (on a beautiful private lake in the country). My mom moved across the country with my dad and has lived in the Northwest (near his parents) for the majority of her adult life (Oregon, northern Idaho, and, for the last 15 years, Spokane). As a result of this major move and my parents' financial position, my mom only rarely (once every 5-6 years) gets to see her family or visit her home. When we were kids, we would get to make this rare trip as an all-out cross-country drive, because, being a family of six, there was no way to afford airfare. Likewise, we were often in a beater which would break down or overheat on the way. We'd camp or all pile into a single motel room (sneakily so as not to alert the management that there were six of us in a two-bed room). As you can imagine, this was a tiring and stressful trip.

On one of these trips, when I was about 11, we stopped in some tiny town in (I think) Montana to have lunch. We went to the grocery store to get sandwich-making supplies and took our picnic to a local park to eat. As we were eating and stretching our legs, we noticed a wall covered in spray-painted graffiti. One of the tags was a large red swastika.

I was keenly aware of both the historical and current significance of the swastika. I was a kid who was fascinated (and horrified) by the hatred and ideology that had conceived of and built the concentration camps of the Nazi state- an interest which had been sparked by reading The Diary of Anne Frank, continued in a 20 page research paper for my fifth-grade independent project, and solidified for life by my acquaintance with Spokane's only living concentration camp survivor, Eva Lassman. As a child (from ages 0-6), I had lived in northern Idaho near the site of an infamous Neo-Nazi compound. Seeing that swastika so boldly and casually displayed in a small-town American park was a pretty serious and gut-wrenching moment for me. And my parents' response was all that I can hope to one day live up to as a parent.

My mom and dad discussed with all four of us kids (ages 11-24) what we thought we should do about this (the idea that we would simply leave it there and not discuss was it was never even considered). We decided that it had to be painted over. So, my father piled us all back into the car, drove us back into that unfamiliar town, and found a hardware store. He went in, bought several cans of gray spray paint, and drove us back to the park. Then he got us all out of the car, climbed up the embankment to the wall, and sprayed over that swastika until it was invisible.

I can certainly attest that my dad made mistakes as a parent- but his constant willingness to stand up for what he believes in (Remind me to tell you the story about the Vietnam War, conscientious objection, and Leavenworth Stockade sometime.) is something he taught me for which I will forever be grateful. He showed me as a child that having the courage of our convictions is something we must do even when no one is going to know about it, even when its effect may be small, even when its price or inconvenience may be large.

Years ago, out in the San Juan Islands my dad was fishing with our good family friend, a well-known foodie / chef / cookbook author / restaurateur. Going for Blackmouths (immature Coho salmon), and they were SLAYING 'em. Fish after fish, after fish, but they were all about an inch too small.

My dad, ever the honest citizen kept throwing them back. Our friend, the chef thought this was total bullshit. This is the kind of fresh seafood foodies cream their pants for, and my dad was just tossing 'em back because they weren't regulation size.

So our foodie friend put his foot down and said "we're keeping these goddamn fish" and making grilled salmon. so what if they're an inch too small?

My dad capitulated, but insisted they only keep the daily limit of two per person. He made sure everybody onboard the boat only kept their legal limit of illegal fish.

It gets worse when they become teenagers.

You initially need to get compliance to an immediate task at hand request.

It may seem to be a bit counter intuitive to move to a two step direction (except in this case the second step is always the same). The instruction becomes, "Go brush your teeth and come back and tell me you have done it when you are finished." Set a timer (for yourself) and check on the situation after a reasonable time.

Even though your child may be repeating the instruction back to you he may not be really recording verbal instructions in a lasting way. Some kids are terrible verbal learners, do you see any other aspects of not doing well with verbal information (especially even in a motivating activity)? He may need a visual schedule posted for him showing the tasks he needs to perform (picture and label), what we who have worked with kids like this call a "picture schedule"). It can be a simple checklist in words, photo and word or even photo alone (small photo of toothbrush and toothpaste tube on the counter). There is another component of these self care tasks that are part of expected daily routine and can be seen and treated differently (personal chore schedule) than something less frequent or unique or rare (once a week bringing in the trash cans versus taking a plate of brownies next store for someone's birthday)

If you look this kind of schedule stuff up on the internet don't be turned off by seemingly simplistic stuff that you might think would be insulting to him. There is a wide continuum on how to implement something like this.

How are reports about his ability to follow through with verbal commands delivered at school, in other settings? He may be holding things together just fine and letting down at home because it is the environment where he can be less "on task".

Keep a small record of your observations of how this works and when. If you need some additional help go and speak with the resource room teacher of the school he attends and get more ideas.

Because people do dumb stuff.

I've seen these with a Gay/Lesbian family & kids before, and I think it's delightfully subversive.

Every time I see those I always notice how the man is the first in line.

Maybe it's meant to remind drivers that the man is the head of the household and women best not be steppin' on his authority?

http://youtu.be/xv-0Sr-BV5A

This video perfectly captures my biggest concern with these. Families are not static. What do you do as they change?

I would help you with your question, but I am still trying to figure out why put the "fish" on your car.

Will I be less likely to rear end you if your Christian???

It's a warning. As seen here:

http://www.sheldoncomics.com/archive/070923.html

It is a small demonstration of being proud of your family and wanting others to know. Instead of posting an actual family photo (which is an action that has its own privacy and security concerns), it allows the person to say graphically, "Hey this is my family" or tribe or flock (if you will).

Flock? Yeah, not to be outdone some enterprising bird person has decided we shouldn't be left out of the fun.

Here are the feathered family equivalents. (You'll find one representing your little mischievous lovebird sprite, too.)

Why not? It's a little tacky, but basically cute and harmless.

It's a fad, pure and simple. Just like Truck Nutz and Calvin pissing on Chevys or Fords and and yellow ribbons and "Baby on Board" signs and suction-cup Garfields and personalized license plates and 76 balls (or Jack in the Box heads) on antennas and thousands of bumper stickers before them.

People like to decorate their cars. Other people spend time and energy trying to figure out how to cater to the first group. Here we have a guy who figured out something that people would buy, and they're buying 'em.

It's a way of customizing as well. Everybody thinks their family is special and wonderful and unique. Look, we've got three kids, a dog and a cat -- everybody's is different! (Sort of). People LOVE stuff they can personalize.

Gay families may be hesitant to advertise that fact on their vehicle, given the possibility of driving around in places where two men plus kids or two women plus kids (or without the kids for that matter) may incur a threat of violence. Just like a person may be ill-advised to drive around rural Alabama with a "I Support Gun Control". Unfortunate but true, and yet another example of hidden ways in which homophobia (and racism) lurk in places people don't often think of. The example I like to give is, what would be the reaction if this family tried to rent a motel room for the night in a conservative rural area, and how would that differ from my own straight white family?

This is a common reaction of a child who has been abused. I would go for a checkup with her doctor.

Or it could just be a phase.