First of all: Relax. As much of a fuck up as you think you are there are millions of people out there who are far more fucked up.

I, too, am a serious fuck up. The thought of suicide has gotten me through many difficult nights. It’s comforting. Is that fucked up? Yes. Is it dangerous? No, not really. Thankfully I’ve always been way too lazy to even go through with suicide. It would take me months just to write the note. And then there’s the how. Guns seem too violent and messy. And I don’t have one. Pills are too precious to blow on such a thing and are one the few things I actually enjoy. I’m afraid of heights. I have an electric stove. Hanging seems way too uncomfortable. Self immolation is beyond my ken. My mother is still alive. Etc.

All in all suicide seems to be just the sort of pain in the ass I’ve always steered away from. I’d like to say that I’d probably fuck it up anyway but with my luck it would be the one thing I manage to get right. Ultimately, at least in my case, suicide is just an expression of my own self obsession and selfishness as much as it is about my self-loathing. And the self loathing itself is pre-emptive. There is nothing that anyone can say or think about me that I haven’t said or thought about myself. So their mockery and disgust can’t touch me.

I did have one advantage over you and that is parents who didn’t have shit and were raising three other boys anyway. I didn’t have anyone I could ride. No one was going to take care of me or let me live in their basement. That is a bit of a kick in the ass so I managed to accomplish a few things. Like graduate from college. And then I got busted for weed. And I went to jail. For weed. For six months. In a jail in Hackensack New Jersey that was built for 350 inmates but housed over 1100. It was one of those turning points in life that I was lucky enough to get. But not because of the usual narrative, I don’t think.

Going to jail didn’t necessarily just make me look at how fucked up I was or how I disappointed so many. It did, but there was more. I was really pissed that I was going to jail for a couple of ounces of weed. This was New Jersey in the late eighties. Brutal. I had ignored the risks for years and now it was time deal.

What really impacted me more than anything were the other inmates at the jail. I met people I never would have met. And I lived with them in over-crowded dormitories where you had just enough room to lie down with a crappy mat, a pillow and a blanket. Some of them were good fellows. Many were very bad. I mean stone cold bad mother fuckers. Before I got locked up I had stopped believing in evil and saw the idea as being juvenile and simplistic. I was wrong. Some of these men were evil. Fuck the “Dead Men Walking” type bullshit. There was no redemption in many of them. And many of my fellow inmates were crazy. All were poor. Nearly all were ignorant to extremes I would have found laughable just a few months earlier. The living conditions were sub-human. The food was garbage. The stench was foul. And I couldn’t fucking leave.

Luckily, I’m over 6 feet tall and weighed around 240 pounds at the time. And I am the oldest of 4 boys all close in age in a rough and tumble New York Irish Catholic family. I was no easy mark. So my physical well being was only rarely at issue. But I was outraged, shocked and humbled.

I was outraged for a lot reasons. Being in jail to begin with. The conditions. The heat. The boredom. The terror of watching other inmates get beaten down (by inmates and guards). The terror of realizing how Kafkaesque anyone’s life can get. I was shocked at the poverty of thought, scruples, and empathy as well as the general economic doom that seemed just around the corner for so many of the inmates. I was humbled because so many of them would have had completely different lives if they had half of what I was given. I no longer loathed myself as a passive, lazy piece of shit but I was now outraged that I had let myself both be the mindless and thankless recipient of all the benefits of being in a white middle class well educated social strata while also letting myself become one of its “victims” (there’s probably a better word, but it fails me).

So I took honest stock of myself. And by honest I mean I tried very hard to recognize what I considered to be good qualities about myself as well as the usual bad ones I was already intimately familiar with. This let me recognize what it was I needed to do to make my life a life worth living. I began to realize what I wanted my life to look like given the assets and liabilities I have.

For example, one of the things I recognized was that I was lazy. I already knew that. I was a classic under achiever and only did as well in school as I did because I was smart and knew how to just get by. Whatever it was I managed to get it done with a borderline level of competency. Thing was, it didn’t really matter how difficult the job was. If it was an easy task, I did an OK job. If it was a very hard task I did an OK job. Doing an OK job on a hard task is much more fulfilling than doing an OK job on an easy one. I began to challenge myself by taking advantage of everything I could. I was the first person to ever be let of that Hackensack jail every day on a work release type program so I could go to grad school. I cleaned the shit out of that dormitory after the last riot because that was job I was given. That particular riot was nasty and was the result of the inmates not getting the toast we were accustomed to on Sundays. Really. they ripped out all the toilets for that. The toilets! Our toilets!

I also made a list of my ideals. Of what I want. My values. I wrote essays to myself to clarify my thoughts. I applied for jobs I knew I didn’t qualify for because they seemed so cool. And I actually got a few of those jobs. Doing things like watching a nest of bald eagles in Arizona. Great job if you're lazy. Leading birding walks as a naturalist in the Berkshires and White Mountains. Awesome job if your lazy and most of the folks on the walk are senior citizens.

I can assure you I am still lazy. I can still make the Dude look like an ambitious, ruthless man of industry. I am still inclined to corpulence and prefer to read about life threatening adventures than actually do them. I still go through bouts of doubt and self loathing. But I had gotten to my bottom and I had nothing to lose. Like you. Mine was a bit deeper, maybe, or more intense; certainly more based on terrifying legal consequences than where you find yourself at. Nonetheless, my advice is the same. Take stock. Determine what it is that will make you happy. I think it is self respect that will make you happy. So take chances. Big chances. You say you are suicidal. That means you have little to lose. You are free to do what you want even if what you want to do is nothing. But doing nothing is rarely the path to self respect so pick the next thing.

Sorry to ramble a bit. I didn’t mean to be so verbose. But I recognize much of myself in your post so I hope you may be able to benefit in some small way from my story, as abbreviated as it is…

Here's a pretty comprehensive list of sliding scale & non-profit clinics, listed by county, with specifics on what ages they cover.

http://www.oralhealthwatch.org/wp-content/uploads/pdfs/Community_Clinics_2010_08.pdf

I'd call around, as many of them have different policies and not all will save you the same amount.

I've used Neighborcare in the past and saved astronomically when I was in a lower income bracket. http://www.neighborcare.org/clinics/dental

Here's how it usually works:
1. You call to set an evaluation appointment - (Drawback # 1, the waiting list is sometimes a month).
2. Bring past three paystubs (or proof of unemployment) to evaluation appointment so they can determine your eligibility. They'll then give an exam to determine what work you need and set another appointment for two weeks to a month later.
3. At next appointment, they'll do as much work as they can within 30-45 minutes. (Drawback #2. They need to see a certain amount of patients a day to keep their government funding). They work fast though, and can do a full teeth-cleaning with X-Rays or give you up to two fillings within this time.
4. Payment - You're paying a flat rate at each appointment, regardless of how much or what work is being done. My flat rate, for a time, ended up being $25.00. At that rate, you can potentially get X-rays, a cleaning and four fillings for $100, which is pretty incredible.

Emergency walk-ins: If you're in pain and need urgent care, they do emergency walk-ins where they put you on a waiting list and get you in to see them if there's a no-show (which happens often enough, though you could potentially be waiting all day: bring a book). I'm not sure their policy on non-established patients though, so be sure to call ahead.

Don't know if it's too late, but check out Medicare.gov. They have reviews of nursing and assisted living facilities. I strongly encourage you to look into adult family homes, depending on her needs. My Dad had colon cancer and was on Medicaid, and we were able to have a visiting doctor care for him weekly (in addition to his in-office appointments), as well as several different types of visiting nurses. No matter where you go, please, please be involved. Ask questions about her condition, her care, her nutrition and mostly, her medications. Too often family gets too busy to visit and be involved, but it is critical, not only to her physical well-being, but emotionally as well. Best of luck!

The sources that report pollen data say that Grasses are running in the Moderate to High range right now and Trees are in the Moderate range, neither of which is necessarily unusual for this time of year.

http://pollen.aaaai.org

http://www.pollen.com/allergy-forecast.asp?

For me the symptoms are burning in my nose and sinuses and then later my eustachian tubes and ears are itchy and uncomfortable. I use air filters in the house for dealing with dust from the birds (and to also protect them from indoor pollution), so being inside in the more controlled atmosphere helps.

Be sure to change out of clothes that you have been wearing outside when you have come inside for the evening and take a quick shower to wash the pollen off your body and out of your hair. You bring it inside with you. Keep your bedroom as a clean zone so that you sleep in as much a pollen free zone as possible.

You also may want to obtain a neti pot and learn how to use it for rinsing your nasal passages and sinuses periodically. Your body attempts to flush it which is why your nose gets stuffy and sinuses fill but it is a long process to wash it out and down into your digestive system.

I have been prescribed meds to help with nightmares.
I believe it was called Clonidine (sp?), which is a medication usually prescribed for high blood pressure. I took it before bed, and it makes you drowsy. I took it at night with a pill called Abilify. I think it's usually for people with schizophrenia. Anyway, it's kind of like magical mind control medicine: it makes your brain think of mostly positive things.
So, I took these in my very first year of college, so I was binge drinking a whole lot. That was not so good. Once I started drinking alcohol, it interfered with the medicine and I feinted twice within just a couple of weeks. Alas, I stopped drinking and the feinting stopped.
As for the nightmares, they didn't stop completely but they were a lot less disturbing. I was able to finally get some good, restful sleep until I didn't need the medication anymore, which was due to things like therapy and lots of self help books and meditation.
I'm not the kind of person that likes the be on medication. At this time in my life, things were really freaking crazy and I really needed some sanity. I don't know what your situation is, but if your dreams are so bad that you're afraid to go to sleep, I would highly recommend going to a psychiatrist and a counselor. It will take time, but it seriously helps.

Ouch!

So, I am guessing that you got through the whole task feeling like your hand was pretty tired and overused and the swelling and difficulty in use (pain) developed that evening after a few hours of time had passed. That is versus a sudden intense pain and you had to stop in the middle.

My best guess without seeing you is the injury is to your dominant hand (the one that was gripping the back of the saw) and the damage is to the ulnar collateral ligament of the medial carpal phalangeal (MCP) joint of your thumb (that is, the inside aspect of proximal joint of your thumb - the joint closest to the web space).

You can stretch that ligament over time of misuse (called Game Keeper's Thumb, think grabbing objects and twisting the hand so that lots of pressure is applied to the joint stretching the ligament gradually) or injure it quickly with a blow that causes sudden abduction of the thumb (Skier's Thumb, think planting a ski pole and then it being stuck so the thumb is forced laterally away from the hand).

What you may have done is kind of in-between these two. You applied great pressure as you worked over that hour or so of work, felt some discomfort but got through the task. So you have stretched that ligament forcibly tearing fibers. The sudden pain scenario (skier's) leads more to the conclusion of a tear (avulse) of the ligament from its bone attachment (insertion point) which can take a bit of bone with it and would be the more serious condition requiring surgical repair. The kicking or reciprocal motion back and forth of the handle of the saw repeatedly pulsed that force against that joint and its collateral ligament so you may have a some pretty significant tearing and may have bruised the bone also.

If surgical repair is not indicated then the basic treatment is immobilization with the thumb abducted in a splint with rest and non-use. Your doctor my send you to a hand therapist for that splint to be made or fitted (hand therapists are occupational therapists with extra training in dealing with hand injuries and post- surgical care).

For the immediate care, your idea of icing and an anti-inflammatory OTC medication is appropriate. Cold pack (ice) applied 20 minutes on and 20-30 minutes off repeated (continual ice application is counter productive) and use anti-inflammatory drugs according to label recommendations.

But this is your hand (probably your dominant hand) and really really important. If things really aren't getting better fairly quickly having it evaluated by a physician would be advised. They may want to x-ray to be rule out bone damage through avulsing of the ligament. The immobilization of the thumb in the right position for proper healing is also kind of important.

Here is a link so you can read about what I have been explaining.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gamekeeper's_thumb

If my description does not fit your injury, I apologize - kind of hard sight unseen, so to speak, but same general advice applies to immediate treatment and seeing a doctor.

Slouching feels good because your body is going into its lowest center of gravity position and you aren't using as many postural muscles to maintain an upright position.

Most chairs encourage you to use the back support by the basic design of the seat (tilt, depth, etc.). Is it bad for you? Well, if you don't use your postural support muscles sufficiently and they become weak then maintaining a good body position feels like too much work and can hurt. When one group of muscles is weakened or under used another group is overworked to try to compensate. The opposite is also true one overworked group of muscles can cascade into other muscles getting involved to support the overworked group.

Example:
Someone complains to me that their neck is always sore and wonders why. Then she picks up a super large purse that weighs 6-10 pounds and slings it on one shoulder and you can see she is hiking that shoulder to support it.
When you have her carry that purse at midline in front of her, no hiking of shoulder. Overworking of her muscles to support the purse cascades to overwork of neck support muscles. Her neck hurts.

Now, Kristen, this is not a criticism of you, but if you are carrying extra weight disproportionally placed forward of where your normal center of gravity would be you can develop a swayback posture and be overworking those back muscles. Look at a pregnant woman or man with a pronounced "beer belly" from the side and note what the contour of the back and lower back look like. Sitting and maintaining a good posture in some chairs can be hard work on a slim person's back and the situation changes when you consider other body shapes. So when a person starts to pare down the extra weight they carry in front there will be a matched lessening of the stress on the back.

Now for most folks standing is probably the time they are most balanced in muscle use. Gravity, which of course, is the law helps that. When we sit we can get into squirming ourselves this way and that and increase weight on one side of our bottom or the other (also depending on what the legs and feet are doing - supporting or not, etc.).

So what sitting posture most mimics standing? Sitting on a therapy ball with rounded back is hard but rocking forward with the hips, thighs move to a 30° downslope, feet to the side or under the front edge of ball and the back moves into the same posture that it takes when you are standing at rest (balanced) feels natural. There are office chairs with a control that allows the seat to go into that downslope setting which were originally designed for typists to sit in a balanced fashion as they worked on a keyboard. They would work for computer work also.

HAG (don't know how to type the right diacritical mark over the 'a') marketed the original kneeling type chairs under the name Balans. They were copied relentlessly by lots of folks but the angles were proprietarily owned by them and so the knockoffs were slightly different (and wrong). So when they got included into lawsuits they eventually decided to stop marketing in the USA - but I now discover some are now available again here (I haven't thought about it for a while). You can still find their chairs on Ebay and there is one model that works so well and allows for lots of movement while in the seated position. It is called the Variable and is the one in the link I include that looks like it has a rocker bottom (made of wood) - however the other models are also their designs and are also comfortable.

HAG Balans chairs
http://www.ergodepot.com/HAG_Balans_p/6035.htm

You can find these chairs through various sources it appears. If you ever decide to invest in one make sure it is HAG, mention of Peter Opsvik as designer or called Balans so you are getting the genuine article.

Therapy balls are pretty cheap and you might want to try that or one of these new designs I have recently seen that work well called a Hokki Stool. They are sold in smaller sizes to use with kids. They allow for the movement and rocking that keeps the back moving and the kids organized for staying focused at their task.
http://www.worthingtondirect.com/school_furniture/science_tables/3825_Hokki_Stool_12.htm
There are made in adult sizes also.

Finally the best recommendation is for frequent movement. Get up and walk around, change position, use your computer in one place or another (easy with a laptop) or with one chair or another. It is getting into the permanent slouch and not moving for a long time that is less than ideal for the human body while working.

When I went to get vaccinated, I asked about this because I had a friend who wanted to get vaccinated but thought she was too old. They said folks older than the cut-off could get the vaccine, she would just have to sign a waiver saying she realized that it was not tested on women over a certain age. So it probably depends on your provider - certainly doesn't hurt to ask!

I've been having this same issue with a work friend, so I could use advice on this too, but I would approach him when he is sober and use "I" statements. I told my work friend, "I'm worried about you, it seems like your drinking is getting out of control at times. I feel frustrated when your girlfriend and brother call me late at night worried if you are okay. I need you to stop at a drink or two and think hard about whether you want to continue because I don't want to be concerned about whether or not your will hurt yourself or someone else while you're drunk." I also forwarded voicemails I'd gotten from others about this so he could hear how worried other people were about him. I think it's important to a least say something so he knows people can see what's going on.

I'm not aware of anybody ever using the term "Fat Ally" or there being any organized movement like this, but maybe there should be. I have a few friends who are monstrously overweight, and I've learned a lot about the day-to-day considerations they have to factor into their lives because of their girth.

One friend of mine can't fly to visit his kids in Spokane because he can't fit in an airplane seat, so he puts a LOT of miles on his car. Another person I know has to use a disabled parking permit because of bad knees caused by weight. I never would have thought of these things until friends pointed them out to me.

It's a double-edged sword though. I want to be supportive, but there's also an element of choice involved. Gastric Bypass surgery can help people lose the weight if they are monstrously obese, but the won't do it. The reason? It's in their head. A lot of fat people have intense psychological issues with their weight.

And on that note, Richard Simmons wrote a GREAT article on CNN on why it's not OK to tease fat people, because it makes their psychological problems worse. Fat = sad = eating = fatter = sadder = eating = fatter....

So, although there may not be an organized "Fat Ally" movement, the simplest thing you can do to help fat people is to not make fat jokes, and when you hear somebody make a fat joke, just say "Hey, that's not ok. You wouldn't make a gay joke, or a Jew joke, or a black joke, fat jokes are NOT ok either."

I've only done low carb as a meat eater, but I did take note of the recommendations for vegetarians since I was one for many years. If you do Atkins as a vegetarian, you'll have to get all your protein from soy or dairy products. Since soy and dairy have a few net carbs per serving (meat has zero), you'll have to be more diligent than most not to exceed the daily carb recommendations. Atkins doesn't recommend nuts or legumes until well into the diet since both have fairly high quantities of net carbohydrates (total carbohydrates minus fiber).

Paleo allows nuts and seeds, but that diet is not possible for vegetarians; it's extremely meat heavy.

I suppose South Beach isn't technically low carb, but it does advise cutting out sugar and other simple carbohydrates and seems to be the most vegetarian friendly. I have some still vegetarian friends who swear by it.

IMHO smoking and drinking are not bad in moderation. No doctor would agree of course but as a rule they do much more harm than good so they are disqualified.

If all you are smoking is mj and you are not a chain tobacco smoker (as I am) then you are in fine fettle. Don't sweat it.

The best thing you can do to mitigate any downsides would be to exercise in moderation ("no pain... no pain" is my general rule) and not get fat.

As a side note, the worst thing you can do is over exercise. If you want the evidence just keep an eye on anyone you know who exercises a lot and watch how often they have health problems. I know it's a little contrarian, but I have decades of observation to back it up. If my doctor friend reads this she will be hitting that "thumbs down" until it breaks.

As a rule, if it worries you it's probably worth checking if only to stop the worrying... and stop the worrying from making the problem worse. Focusing on it invariably makes it worse.

That said, I get that kind of pain in that exact spot regularly. I have no idea what it is but I always think it is a swollen lymph node. It always goes away after 3-10 days. I get it even though I have no signs of a cold or infection.

A month is a long time to have it be there consistently if you have no other cold or flu type symptoms. Is it swollen in that spot? Do you have any connective tissue disease that you know of? Like Rheumatoid Arthritis or do you get any swelling or pain in your joints ever? No other symptoms other than that?

Sadly, many more Washington citizens are uninsured. You may be able to find healthcare through the Washington Free Clinic Association (WFCA). http://www.wafreeclinics.org/clinics.html

Here’s some information about the WCFA from their Web site: “The Washington Free Clinic Association is a non-profit 501c3 organization whose mission is to strengthen and support the Free Clinics of Washington through advocacy, education and professional networking. The WFCA is currently comprised of 24 free clinic members from across Washington State. Free Clinics are private, non-profit, community or faith-based organizations that provide medical, dental, pharmaceutical, and/or mental health services at little or no cost to uninsured and underinsured people through the use of volunteer health professionals, community volunteers, and partnerships with other health providers. There are currently more than 30 Free Clinics operating in Washington today and that number continues to grow. The WFCA estimates that Washington Free Clinics alone may have been responsible for over 45,000 patient visits in 2009.”

There is also a large healthcare event on April 30, 2011, which may or may not work for you: “The National Association of Free Clinics (NAFC), in partnership with the Washington Free Clinic Association, (WFCA) will be holding a one-day free clinic on Saturday, April 30, 2011 in the Tacoma Dome. The upcoming C.A.R.E. (Communities Are Responding Everyday) Clinic is an opportunity for the community to come together to provide free primary and preventative health care services to an estimated 1,200 uninsured adult residents of the Seattle-Tacoma area. At a recent NAFC-sponsored C.A.R.E. Clinic in Charlotte, NC, 1,163 uninsured patients were able to receive services in just 6 hours of patient care. More importantly, the patients who required follow-up for serious conditions were connected with local resources for ongoing care. The Washington C.A.R.E. Clinic will offer medical, dental, and vision services, as well as community referrals for those with critical follow-up needs. Uninsured Washingtonians can now call 877-233-5159 to make an appointment for the C.A.R.E. Clinic. This scheduling line is open from 8am-6pm EST.

By attending one of the free clinics, you may find more information about accessing care.  I wish you well and hope other people can offer more ideas to you. 

This might be a good place to start: http://www.underdogseattle.com/

You could possibly be "immune" to HIV infection, but you're not immune to HPV, herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, etc. etc. etc. "Playing" around with anyone and everyone without protection makes you a vector for lots of other diseases that can make your partners sick and increase their chances of getting HIV. And that's asshole behavior, kiddo.

Plus, what if you think you're immune, then get a super-strain of HIV (they exist, and you're not immortal), and, because you think you can't possibly get HIV, you never get tested and thus spread HIV to all of your partners? Want that on your conscience?

Blah blah blah I hate condoms blah blah blah. HIV may be manageable, but it isn't cheap, fun, or pretty. Man up and deal with it.

Well, if you crave salt that much, it could be due to a potassium imbalance or other medical issues. Have you run this past your doctor? Drinking lots of water can actually cause salt cravings, too, as your kidneys work to prevent hyponatremia.

Salt is excreted pretty efficiently by your kidneys, so if they are working properly, you'll be all right. Still, ask your doctor, who can evaluate you for underlying medical issues and give you individual guidelines.If your doctor says that you're normal and healthy and your blood pressure is OK, then you're probably OK.

Kristin, the suggestions to box up the clothes that don't fit are a good one. I've read about a strategy of keeping an "out box" in the closet, where you can put items that you're pretty sure you're going to get rid of, but haven't fully decided. Once the item is in the out box, it's no longer in rotation, and you acn figure out if you miss it.

Doing something like this with most of your too-big clothes will help you figure out which ones you still have an attachment to.

And 97 pounds is a LOT of weight! Congrats!

Three suggestions:

1) Ask your doctor about the possibility of yeast overgrowth in your gut. If you do have a yeast problem, your doctor will probably tell you to cut back on sugars for a while and might prescribe something like Nystatin or fluconazole.

2) You could try more intense probiotic supplementation than you'll get from yogurt or kefir (which might cause problems if you do have a yeast issue because many yogurt products are sweetened and yeast loves sugar).

I've been through the antibiotics wringer due to Lyme disease, so I've tried many, many different probiotics. I would most highly recommend the following:

- HLC Intensive by Pharmax, available locally at Pharmaca (located in West Seattle, Wallingford, Madison Park, and Redmond)

- A high quality probiotic containing Saccharomyces boulardii. S. boulardii is different from other probiotics in that it's a beneficial yeast that lives in the gut. (So if you do end up taking anti-yeast meds, you'll want to take the S. boulardii apart from the anti-yeasties.) Florastor is the best-known brand, but there are many good brands out there.

- Natren Healthy Trinity. This stuff is crazy expensive compared to many other brands, but I have found that it works better and faster (for me, at least). I don't know where to find it locally. I've ordered it from iHerb.com, which typically has very competive prices on all kinds of supplements.

3) When I have digestive issues of any kind, I find that a combination of peppermint, ginger, and licorice can be a nice, gentle cushion. I always have Nausea Ease (Vitanica brand) on hand. It's sold as a morning sickness aid, but it's good for any sort of angry stomach. A couple capsules of Nausea Ease plus some licorice (ask for DGL, which stands for Deglycyrrhizinated Licorice). You should be able to find both of these at PCC, Whole Foods, Pharmaca, and even some branches of Fred Meyer.

I hope you find something that helps!

No Doc is going to write you an Rx for an ADD drug without getting a thumbs up from a Mental Health Professional and verifying that you are not a habitual substance abuser. Most (not all, but MOST) ADD drugs are "Schedule 1" drugs, meaning they are classified by the FDA as the most likely to be abused.

As such, any Doc who expects to keep her or his medical license for the long term will do her or his due diligence by sending you to a mental health professional for a screening before they will prescribe.

Often, community health clinics will do this on a sliding scale and have the Doc refer you to an in-house Mental Health Counselor with a Master's Degree and specialized training in this area. They cost a lot less than Psychiatrists or neuro-experts.

Find a doc that is willing to go this route, and based on your income and the sliding scale of the community health facility, you're probably looking at $40 - $100, not $500.

Oh, and if you use any recreational drugs, stop. Most community health centers will make you promise not to use drugs and verify this with a pee test before giving you an Rx for a Schedule 1 drug.

Good luck, and good mental health.

I underwent conscious sedation while I had an abortion a few months ago. I was super nervous because the idea of having my uterus vacuumed out and then scraped out with a metal spoon didn't seem very appealing, but I don't remember very much about the actual procedure. I was kind of babbling away at the doctor and then I felt a little bit of pain so I stopped talking, and then the next thing I knew I was all done and hanging out in the recovery/waiting-type room. I felt absolutely normal probably not more than half an hour later, minus a little residual pain. I remember feeling very floaty and I wanted to giggle a little bit but was "there" enough to not want to look silly in front of the doctor and nurse (though upon further consideration that's a bit of a moot point considering they hand their hands inside my uterus).

Sorry I don't have much information about your specific procedure, but conscious sedation in general is pretty great, in my opinion. Most people I've spoken with have said they just don't remember much about the actual procedure.

Ah, poop. A subject I never get tired of. Just had a colonoscopy myself on monday and it was fascinating.

You may be in danger of developing an anal fissure. Anal fissures suck on a level of suckiness that rivals all other things that suck. You must do everything you can to avoid a fissure. In the next to worst cases they have to shoot your asshole up with botox. In the very worst cases... Do some research. Fucking horror stories.

Having said that, fiber may be your best option. I used to use psyllium but have developed diverticulitis and so have been on a low fiber diet for a bit. I'll go back to high fiber soon.

Psyllium works ok for me, but there are plenty of other fiber supplements out there. Most of the other ones, like benefiber, make me as gassy as the hindenburg and very nearly as explosive. There is a very gentle one at whole foods (et al) that is awesome but costs more. Most people like it much better than psyllium husk. It's acacia fiber and called "heathers" I think.

Of course, eating a high fiber diet is the best but often not enough.

This is one of those rare things where I do recommend seeing an ND. They are all about poop and poop management.

Good Luck.

As a sometimes-sadist, I am deeply hurt by your comparison.

Well I am no psychologist, only a yoga practitioner and teacher with about 25 years of personal experience diving into the depths of emotional, psychological and spiritual awareness.
My experience (and understanding of yogic teaching) has been that emotions that are not thoroughly processed at the time of an experience or trauma can be stored in the layers of our being surrounding (the koshas) that which is unchanging and untouched, the soul. When provoked, be it through a certain yoga posture that twists in just the right place, or a movie that touches a similar emotion, the well of subterranean erupts and moves out into the present moment from being well-covered (with good intention to protect us) so long before.
So yes, my answer to your question is that a release of emotion can foster more release of that same emotion. Sometimes it helps to have a good cry, but often it can take us into a mire of sadness that doesn't really pull us out into new territory. What has been transformational for me is to have a good guide (like yogic philosophy, a good therapist or mentor, and/or a trained awareness through sustained meditation practice) to help me to follow the emotion to its source and understand where it is coming from. Once fully witnessed, most emotional states will release.
I also think physical movement can be helpful to usher the sadness out, after thanking it for its presence, which woke you up to something you'd been unable to address at the time of its occurrence (compassion for our past is oh so helpful).
And lastly, if you are open to the idea of reincarnation, you might consider that your sadness could even be leftover from an experience from another lifetime.
Over time, with mindfulness, the releases become quicker and will free up your spirit for your dharma (life purpose). Namaste!

It's been used as a drug for a long time. Never heard of it being a problem though; the people I have known who have tried it say it makes them freak out so badly that they never try it again. 1 vote, slow news day.

See if your local pharmacy will take it. They have ways to dispense of old medications that are safer than them rotting in the dump. Some pharmacies also take vitamins & other supplement.

It's not that the swollen condition will cause damage to your knee but that the underlying cause of the swelling is not being addressed. This is your body's reaction to some condition and is just a symptom of that which needs to be determined. The anti-inflammatory drugs, cold therapy and the other palliative care that you are giving it may help reduce the swelling but determining why it is happening repeatedly is key.

Some thoughts:
You are in a position to overuse other muscle groups and put strain on other joints in moving as you favor that leg - another reason to seek professional care. Be careful!

Cold therapy is almost always safe whereas heat can increase edema. Having said that contrast therapy can be really effective cold, then warm, then cold, then warm, etc (note I didn't say hot). Ice is only on for 20 minutes and then off for 30 or more before repeating (this is actually a contrast method in itself) don't leave it on for extended times. The whole reason of using ice is to increase circulation (as the body increases blood flow to warm the area up) as well as reduce further pooling of fluid in the tissues. The reason heat has to be used carefully is that it can also tend to increase swelling as well as increase circulation . This may have limited value as the fluid appears to be in your joint synovial space and not in bruised tissue (presumably).

The compression wrap is not a bad idea to try, but recognize that fluid reduction by that method will be slow and gradual so don't try to squeeze it out with too tight a wrapping.

As you are in a remote area is there a possibility of some kind of video conferencing with a doctor - do you have webcam for you computer? You are in government or university service, right? There has to be a technological first step that can help you decide the need of getting in out of the wilderness.

I am worried about you in this predicament.
Does any of this help?

Drink lots and lots of water. If you have kidney stones this will help flush them out, and if you don't have kidney stones it certainly won't make anything you do have any worse.

If your kidney stones are small enough to pass without intervention the doctor will just give you a strainer to pee through and some pain medication - and tell you to drink lots of water.

I've had good luck with acupuncture for kidney pain, so you may want to check that out as well.

The basic answer is that it takes about 20-30 minutes longer than we expect for the feeling of satiety to be realized by your brain and hence turn off the desire to keep eating. Food that goes down fast or involves less process of handling and chewing doesn't help this from occurring at the time when you have consumed an appropriate amount of calories.

As a culture our mouths and stomachs didn't stop communicating or divorce but we certainly speeded up the process of eating (everything is fast these days, cook easier, cook faster, eat faster) and hence get more calories down "the hatch" before we realize it and feel satisfied.

Foods that are rich in calories from fat and simple sugars taste great to our palate but may get by the mouth so easily that there is not very much actual chewing. We get a lot of the physical cues of how much we are eating by chewing and savoring. There is a reason that soup and salad was traditionally served in first courses. They get the palate prepared for great taste, involve a process of eating that take time and are not necessarily calorie dense. However, they start the process of filling your stomach, provide good gustatory experience and get you ready to savor the more dense foods later without wanting to eat quickly through them. Raw foods (vegetables) always require more mastication than cooked ones - think of the difference with carrots.

So some points to think about:

Don't eat standing up.
Resist the urge to graze in front of the refrigerator or at the counter but make eating a process of preparation and sitting down. This helps you to take the time to see the quantity of food you are eating and to enjoy it visually as well as savoring the process of chewing and tasting it.

Make meals your standard and plan to eat your food at those intervals that make sense for your energy and sensory needs. There is nothing that says you can't have more than three meals a day, just be consistent and find a rhythm to when you eat (include appropriate snacks at mid afternoon and late evening).

Portion distortion.
You can assume that restaurant meals contain way more calories that you would normally need and you could almost cut the portions in half before into a takeout container before you start eating. Then enjoy the company you are with and eat slower, take the extra home and you have another whole meal for the same price as just the original one.

This whole issue of portion inflation is described very nicely in the a book titled, "The Nine Inch Diet" by Alex Bogusky, who bought an older home from the 40's and found his plates wouldn't fit in the cupboards. The information of the gradual increase of just the implements we use to serve our food on is very revealing. We used to eat dinner off of what would now be a salad plate instead of the turkey platters that we now call a plate.
http://www.amazon.com/9-Inch-Diet-Alex-Bogusky/dp/157687320X
Put an appropriate amount of food (not crowding the edges) on a nine inch plate and you will find that the calorie load approaches one third of the typical daily intake for a body that is normal for body mass index.

So the process of eating is important. Pay attention to the time taken to appreciate food (preparation and eating). The ultimate quantity ingested is important and can be reduced with no less level of satiety by taking time to eat and not speed through a meal. Now what you actually eat is a whole study in itself so you'll have to devote more time in examining that (there are multi-thousands of opinions and books on that subject).

But one important point to be aware of is to pay attention to the large mass of calories that are lurking in the multitude of flavored, caffeinated, etc. drinks we go to multiple times daily.

the home remedy says,
inserting you foot in warm water with salt in it and alternately in cold water for 15 min to half daily will help you get rid of any foot problems. might be what you heard is because of the excess sodium and chlorine available in urine which acts sooo. but try keeps pots of hot and cold water with salt preferable crystal one if accessible.and immersing your foot. see the relief