I teach an intro science course for college level sophomores and juniors, and one of the saddest situations I come across is when students overload themselves. Every quarter I'm forced to fail at least one student who seems to have a good head on their shoulders but simply had too much on their plate to devote time to the class. The worst is when students want to major in the sciences but fail my intro course, and suddenly are left floundering when they realize they need to restructure their entire college career.

The biggest contributor to students failing my class (besides general apathy) is that the student works too much or is taking too many credits. Taking too many credits is avoidable and there are some jobs that would work great for on-the-job studying. But for those students who don't have those lucky jobs, they risk it all - they're too exhausted after working to study and their work schedules don't always adapt for study groups. In my controversial opinion, it is far better to take a few quarters off to work one's ass off and raise a fatty bank account than to work while one's in school.

Another thing I would encourage her to do is to take advantage of working in labs/professors for credit as early as she can. She'll probably do nothing except wash dishes or check manuscripts for typos, but she will get a feel for what interests her in the REAL world. It's a much more realistic perspective of what a person in the field does on a day to day basis so she won't be disappointed if, say, she majors in marine bio and then finds there's no jobs for people who want to talk to dolphins all day. it's also great training for what a job is like without taking her time and energy to have an actual job.

Encourage her to find a way to study abroad. Its expensive, but it is money well spent. she'll learn more in a week than she would in a quarter.

and tell her to follow soundslikepuget's advice - go to office hours and get into a study group for every single class. A lot of classes grade on a curve, but that is only advantageous for 50% of the class - and you have no idea if you're on the top 50% or the bottom 50% unless you're talking to your classmates. Tell her to visit her TAs whenever she can, not just after the midterm when she's gotten her first bad grade. TAs often teach the same course every year, so they know what the professor is going to focus on and what people trip over when they're studying. they're the most ignored resource and the best one.

Fasa is also needed for extras - need based scholarships were mentioned but also merit based scholarships still have to have those numbers at most schools as do some work study positions. If she goes to grad school she will also need it to be eligible for some TA positions. If you want to work at the school for incidentals fill em out even if you're lucky and have your college mainly covered. I wasn't able to dowork study or TA my first semester of grad school because I hadn't filled them out because I thought it was only for need based grants and when TA ing can cut your tuition in half or take it away all together it's worth it to read the fine print. I was awarded a TA ship my first semester and was able to cover the rest on my own I thought I was golden. Until someone else got my TA ship and I had to borrow money from family to split the difference

She needs to have her first beer before she gets there. A lot of kids get in trouble in college because they've never had a drink before, and they can't handle themselves. Allowing her to have a beer in a safe environment at a family party is a good way to make sure she's at least a little bit familiar with alcohol and knows how to stay on planet earth.

You don't want her first experiences of drinking to be at some frat party with a bunch of boys that want to take advantage of her. Helping her learn to drink moderately and safely if she chooses to drink is very good.

There was a Mormon kid at my Alma Matter who had never drank before, went to a party, had a few drinks and fell into the water and drowned. I think he might be still alive if he had come from a family that let him have the occasional beverage to acclimate himself to alcohol.

I'd say give her a beer at the family 4th of July BBQ after she graduates High School. Let her get acclimated to an environment where alcohol is around, so she can be safe and make smart choices.

Also, tell her to go to office hours. I've worked in and around higher ed in several jobs and I'll tell you the single most under-utilized resource on a college campus is the availability of professors during office hours.

Tell her to go to the office hours of every professor she has at least once. Even if she doesn't have a question, and just wants to say "Hi I'm Cathy, I'm in your Biology 101 class, I wanted to introduce myself."

You can get help with the material if you need it at office hours, and showing up at least once shows the professor that you are engaged and actively trying hard in the class. I've seen a lot of C's turn into B's just because the kid went to office hours a few times and showed they were trying hard.

wait, will she attend the sept 2012 - june 2013 school year? Fill out the FAFSA Now Now Now, you do not have to have made a decision on a school yet.

Only early decision acceptance letters are sent out this early, but you are expected to apply for fin aid soon after Jan 1st.

I was kind of going it on my own during my senior year and I filled out the FAFSA wrong, I chose the wrong school year. It wasn't until I met with an adviser to choose classes late in August when the error was noticed. So I filled it out at the end of summer, right before the start of term and I got shit for fin-aid my first year. Huge perkins loans. Subsequent years I filled it out on time and got a better balance of grants and loans.

Tuition costs are a lot less than tuition + dorms/food if you cannot live at home. Tuition + rent/food will prolly be cheaper than dorms.

My last quarter at UW in 2007 my tuition was 1995.00/quarter ... but I think the cost has gone up something like 60% since then.

ONLY GO WITH FEDERAL LOANS IF YOU CAN: http://studentaid.ed.gov/PORTALSWebApp/students/english/IBRPlan.jsp

Griffin and Russ have great advice. And it sounds like you'll be saving a lot of money on transportation and lodging and food...usually HUGE college expenses.

All I would add is:

1. A face-to-face meeting with someone in the college's financial aid department would not go amiss. They can tailor their advice to your personal situation, and give you some tips or ideas that may not be obvious from the stack of forms you'll be filling out.

2. Tell your kid to keep her grades up. Some seniors slack off in the last semester once they've been accepted to college because they figure it doesn't matter anymore. It does (you can be de-accepted as a result) and it matters doubly for financial aid.

Don't worry about her career path yet. She'll probably figure out a lot in her first year or two of college, and those first two years are usually transferable to nearly any discipline.

Griffin's answer is great!

Be sure to keep an eye on the appropriate deadlines for filing forms. That FAFSA is the key eligibility step for all other resources. Before the internet the paper forms needed to be sent off sometime in February or March for the next academic year. It now appears to be June with the online process. DON'T miss that deadline or your eligibility for the available resources is gone for the next year.

Read all available forms and resources carefully and talk to parents that faced this recently also. If you rely solely on what your high school or local post-secondary school counselor says and they got it wrong - you have no recourse. In seeking financial aid, getting the appropriate information prepared and in by the deadlines and following all of the rules is imperative.

Know also that it is completely typical for a student in the first two years or even later to change majors at least twice. One course (because of difficulty or new interest) may prove to be the key to changing academic and occupational outlook. Often learning more about other fields from meeting and talking to others will open up new areas of thought that was previously discounted.

One resource you should explore with your daughter comes from the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the Occupational Outlook Handbook. Once a only a physical book, now a searchable database online, you can find out volumes on various occupations, what is needed to enter them and most importantly, what statistics are on pay, numbers of positions and forecast on the future employability. This is a resource that is so amazingly full of information and is very often unknown or overlooked. If she has any ideas of what she might want to do for a profession this is a first stop to study. As new ideas and interests arise revisits are in order!

http://www.bls.gov/oco/

Have her fill out a FAFSA, which isn't just for loans but also for need-based help, like Pell grants and work study. Schools also use FAFSA forms to determine need-based scholarships and the like, and so by filling one out, you're opening up a lot of doors in the college financial aid office. Go here http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/ and start filling out the form. You will need your tax information handy.

Even if your kid lives at home, she'll still need to pay for tuition, fees, and books. Once she's confirmed her acceptance to her college, you and she can trot down to the campus and go talk to a financial aid officer to see what amount of funding you'll need and how you can come up with that.

Don't worry too much that she doesn't know what she wants to major in yet. There's a lot of general education credits to get out of the way in the first two years that should give her plenty of time to figure it out. Worry only if she decides to major in partying--a little bit is natural, a permanent hangover is not--or has absolutely no idea what she wants to do by the end of the second year.

The only other advice I can give you is this: if she or you must take out loans in order for her to afford attending college, make damn sure that they are federal ones (William Ford direct loans, specifically). While it's virtually impossible to get out of paying off student loans as they can't be discharged easily, even in bankruptcy hearings, federal loans do have various repayment plans available to students who finish school and have yet to find stable employment. If you can't pay them all off within 20 years on your plan, the remainder is forgiven (this is great for teachers, social workers, and other jobs that require a lot of schooling and have poor remuneration attached). Private loans (like Sallie Mae et al) have no such options and you can get stuck paying them off for the rest of your life.

Good luck to all of you.

I'm a product of Blanchet High School (graduated in the late 90's), and it was great. As the cheapest of the area catholic schools, it had a LARGE percentage of non-catholic students (over 1/3). The school and its pastor took a very relaxed approach, which I really appreciated. We were required to take a religion course each semester, but there was a variety to choose from (including courses in philosophy, world religions, and christian themes in art, etc). And about once a month there was a mass combined with the assembly. But it was not all religion, all the time. I actually really appreciated that. As a part of the Seattle Metro schools for sports, everyone knew we were a catholic school, but it didn't DEFINE us. (Although the new archbishop did change the name to "Bishop Blanchet High School" a few years ago, and perhaps a more doctrinaire attitude came along with the name change, but I hope not.

Also, Father Doug just retired (he was the perfect high school pastor...friendly and approachable and not dogmatic or judgy at all), and I don't know anything about the new pastor.

Still, I know that Blanchet HS (in the greenlake neighborhood) is still reasonably priced and will definitely provide a safe space for vulnerable kids. I found an amazing community in the drama department, and it was a school where being in honors classes was cool!! Although being in the regular classes was okay, too. *smile* http://www.blanchet.k12.wa.us/

Personally, my friends who went to single-sex schools all kinda regret it...they felt socially stunted/deprived. And especially my friends who went to Holy Names (all girls)...yikes! High school girls are SO mean to each other, and WAY more judgmental of looks and body-size than high school boys ever were (this is said by a bigger girl). Good luck in your search and sending positive vibes to the soon-to-be-high-schooler. It can be ROUGH out there, but this school made me feel safe, and that I had friends, and I learned my sense of self and identity.

Is said high-schooler a girl? Consider an all-girls school.

Our family requirements are a lot like what you describe: fairly progressive, good community, great education, and welcoming to kids who get bullied.

I ended up at Forest Ridge in Bellevue and LOVED IT. I don't know how much the school has changed since I left (10+ years ago), but it was easily the most progressive of the Catholic schools in the area. There was a gay-straight alliance, my sex ed classes were taught by a lesbian sex educator from Planned Parenthood, etc., etc. Yes, we did have prayer ceremonies about once a month, but although students from other religious backgrounds were required to attend, the could respectfully remain seated/not participate. We also had religion classes, but they tended to emphasize world religions rather than just the Catholic faith. It was also a really awesome place to learn how to be academically outspoken, to explore whatever I thought was interesting without much penalty.

I was a scholarship student all the way through (I was there for 7 years), and in my final year, I think my family paid around $3000 though the full tuition rate was around $15k. I knew girls from other families where FR pitched in and even bought uniforms for those who couldn't afford them.

I've heard similarly good things about Seattle Girls' School, but since it was established well after I graduated from high school, I can't speak to it's reputation or culture.

If the high schooler in question is male, I would discourage looking at O'Dea -- the all-male environment would be weird and tough, and I doubt it would be as gentle as FR.

Well some non-religious private schools include Bush School, Seattle Academy of Arts and Sciences and Northwestern. I don't know what counts as reasonably priced in your mind. I know people who have gone to each of these schools and had more or less good experiences. It really depends on the child who is attending on how they will fit in. I would highly recommend visiting the school. It is good idea to take an official visit but although it might sound creepy, walk around a little at the end of a school day to get a feel for the students.

I don't know any cheap non-religious private schools - as far as I know, those three qualities add up to an oxymoron.

BUT keep in mind that many high schools offer financial aid. So it might not appear "cheap" at first glance, but if you qualify, they can become cheap, or at least kind of reasonable.

That said, I'll just add this based on personal experience: I don't know how "well-off" you are, but it can sometimes be kind of hard for non-rich kids to be plopped into a rich kids milieu. Even if there is no teasing, it can be hard to fit in - at least, it was for me. I ended up feeling "poor" even though I was thoroughly middle class, and that kind of got to me.

I refrained from answering for awhile because someone running for School Board or a brave, anonymous SPS insider could give you a much fuller answer.

the kind that doesn't mean sacrificing on the front lines (classrooms)? -- Seattle voters must stop electing School Board members who give raises to high-level admins then disingenuously say to the parents "state cuts! which of my fingers gets cut off?" when the parents complain of classroom cuts. 50% pay raise to Fred Stephens in SPS, 2% pay cut to Seattle teachers.
If someone reading this is attending the Stranger School Board Debate on 9/28, try floating this fact to the candidates and ask what was the reasoning/justification.

blind redrawing of boundaries/student assignment plan -- Seattle Public Schools must hire a superintendent who isn't using her/his position as a stopgap job to other things. Lasting change can't take place when superintendents have the same longevity as Japanese Prime Ministers.

mis- or non-manaagement of surges in student population and demographic projections: the committee members in charge of closing schools blame bad demographics data (did they check with Seattle's City demographer or go with an outside consultant?). Much later I read that there was incentive in form of state funds to show declining enrollment.

The near-annual threat of alternative school closures happens when an anti-alternative superintendent is managing SPS.

A state auditor, not SPS internal auditors with conflicts of interest, must examine where SPS money goes. Maybe Seattle voters can try electing school board directors who don't just sit on fiscal mismanagement and improprieties information for over a year before telling other directors.

Visit the websites of School Board director challengers, visit Seattle Education 2010 and Save Seattle Schools blogs. The people who are in the know are the ones most vocal for change.

I'm not sure why they are so famously awful. But on a side note when I went to school I was in school at more of the day then they are here. We'd start at 8:20 for first period and did not leave until 3:15 in the afternoon.

It seems that they start later in Seattle and get out earlier. Though that doesn't mean lower quality I am sure less time in school at some point equates to less time learning.

I went to Washington from 98-01 and was in the APP program. The school felt extremely segregated to me. There were about 3 black kids in the APP program, a couple more in the spectrum program and many more in the "regular" program (as it was the neighborhood school for regular enrollment and the central district has more people of color than, say, North Seattle). You can guess which group the award winning music program and math team (and whatever other brag-worthy stuff) drew from.
This division was uncomfortable for me, especially because nobody really talked about it (but everyone knew it and it was so obvious).

I'm not an expert, and hopefully somebody with more "inside ball" knowledge on this can fill in better... but....

One of the guys I go fishing with is a math teacher, and he explained it to me this way. In Washington, there are overall curriculum standards set by the state. Districts are free to choose specific teaching curricula, as long as they fit in the "box" defined by the state.

According to my buddy, the math teacher, the standards in this state (the curriculum “box”) are predicated upon the notion that everybody should aspire to be an astrophysicist. Smart math teachers recognize that not everybody is that smart, or that driven, or that drawn to a career that is so math intensive.

They'd rather have an array of options to teach relevant math for students with a variety of different career and educational goals and realities in mind.

Say you've got a group of kids who are going to be English majors, and a group of kids who are probably going to join the Coast Guard and be rescue swimmers. They don't need to know the building blocks of math theory that will lead them to be the next Stephen Hawking. They need more practical knowledge and less of the theoretical building blocks (How much fuel should I put in the rescue helicopter? How big of an advance should I ask for to write my new novel?), but this "box" the State requires math curriculum to fit in doesn't allow for this.

Instead, the State's curriculum "box" requires that everybody shoot for the stars and learn building blocks that will help them one day master quantum mechanics.

THIS is the problem that leads districts to jump from "fad to fad" as Dr. Mass says, because this "discovery math" nonsense is utterly useless for the future writer and rescue swimmer, but can be immensely valuable as a series of building blocks in creating a deep theoretical understanding of advanced calculus and astrophysics.

For the majority of kids in our public schools, it's completely useless. But because the state defined "box" for math curriculum aims to get everybody to that top tier of mastery of Ph.D. level theoretical mathematics, districts are inclined to choose methods that pursue this asinine state defined goal.

A smarter approach, according to my friend the math teacher, would be to get rid of the State bent that everybody teach to the top, and instead create several tracks.

Track 1 is for the future chefs, writers, police officers and art teachers. They need less theory, more practical math. They’re probably 60% of the population.

Track 2 is for the future actuaries, insurance adjusters, finance bankers, accountants and civil engineers. They need deeper theoretical understandings to build on because they will take their math learning further. They’re probably 30% of the population.

Track 3 is for the future Stephen Hawkings, the future astrophysicists, NASA rocket propulsion engineers, and developers of cold fission power. These people, probably 10% or less of today's students, are the few that actually benefit from this "Discovery math" and whatnot that teaches them to understand what they're doing, instead of focusing on the right answer. Because they will someday take their math skills to the proverbial Mt. Everest of mathematics, they actually benefit from the current methods that focus on building theoretical understandings rather than getting correct answers

The problem is that in this state districts are required to aim for all students to be that 10%, so they are drawn to curricula that are useless for the 90% of students because the state says everybody has to aim for the top.

It's nonsense. As a state, we need to come to terms with the fact that a Boeing Aeronautical engineer will need to know more of the theoretical underpinnings of math than a firefighter. But we're not allowed to do that, so districts jump from fad to fad trying to get everybody to reach this mythical peak of theoretical math knowledge.

At least that's what my buddy the math teacher says when we're out fishing. I could be wrong, I'm just a fisherman and a writer. I know I need to mix oil to gasoline at 50:1 in a 2 cycle outboard, and that's good enough for me, because I don't plan on redefining quantum mechanics.

My take is that the primary belief system of Seattle Public Schools is that students should have equal outcomes rather than excellence as the end result. But that belief system is flawed, as parents who have the means will hire math tutors or tutor at home using curricula like Saxon Math or Singapore Math to supplement their children's math education. Then the achievement gap widens again.

But constructivist math is trendy and as it is a change that looks to be progressive and egalitarian, appeals to Seattle, without regard for future impact, like closing schools in the mid2000s and then reopening and creating schools in the 2010s because of "bad" demographic data projections.

To me it looks like there are two camps:
a) the camp that wants as many public school children to meet state-wide and nation-wide math standards; (minimal expectations)
b) mathematics instructors and professionals who want a talent pool of students who have mastered that subject with rigor and traditional study methods. (optimal expectations)

The School Board Directors who voted in favor of Everyday Math were: Cheryl Chow, Peter Maier, Steve Sundquist and Sherry Carr.

The School Board Directors up for re-election this fall: Peter Maier, Steve Sundquist, Harium Martin-Morris (who voted no on the EM curriculum adoption) and Sherry Carr.

Teachers are told not to use any other math curricula, and some have even been fired because students, test results, however improved and approaching proficiency standards, do not matter as much as the mandated use of textbooks that have mixed acceptance and inconsistent results of success. Yet PTSAs who can afford waivers to choose other math curricula and have the energy to appeal will win the privilege of giving their schools' students the benefit of better math competency that the entire school district ought to have. Isn't it egalitarian and progressive to give all students equal exposure to proven math curricula to help them succeed? Doesn't that matter more than "ooh I like the name 'reform' I'm going to vote for that so it looks like I'm making a difference and then find out later what it means"?

I am writing as a cynical SPS parent who now tutors her child in Singapore Math at home.

If you move within the Seattle school district, a seat will be reserved for your child at the attendance area school for your new neighborhood - no matter how crowded that school may already be. Transportation, if you live outside the walk zone, is also assured.

If, however, you want your child to continue to attend his or her current attendance area school, you will have to request it at Open Enrollment and your bid for the seat will be put in the lottery with every other request for a seat at that school from families living outside the attendance area. Transportation may not be available.

If your child attends an Option school, that assignment will continue regardless of your new address but transportation may or may not be provided. If you prefer the attendance area school in your new neighborhood you may choose it at Open Enrollment and you will be assured of access to the school.

This document should be useful for you.

http://district.seattleschools.org/modules/groups/homepagefiles/cms/1583136/File/Departmental%20Content/enrollment%20planning/Assignment%20Rules%20for%20students%20who%20move.pdf?sessionid=8bfd451bc2703055650fa027ad90c254

Good luck!

Both of my kids went through APP at Washington.

I would say that they got an appropriate academic opportunity. I'm not sure they could have gotten that at another school.

They both complained about the size and factory feel of the school but they each did form relationships with teachers.

The math, of course, was a disaster. But that would be true at any middle school in Seattle.

On the whole, it was the best choice available.

Washington is a school that strives to meet the needs of all the students and does a great job at it!

No, but I was in it back in the day. I loved it!

For starters, I think that your primary focus should be on preparing your son. You may be able to do a little advocacy (for sure check out the school's policy on inclusion, bullying, diversity education, etc.), but the thing you do have control over is what you teach your son about dealing with and responding to negative situations. You can't MAKE those other kids be nice to or inclusive of your son if they end up not wanting to. Even if you're able to protect him in middle school, sooner or later some ignorant jerk is going to try to make him feel small.

I absolutely agree with Cedarthvader about the trappings. First, make sure you provide him with the basics in terms of fitting in outwardly. He doesn't need to be draped in Abercrombie and Fitch (or whatever middle school kids are loving these days), but he should be dressed in clothes that are within the bounds of what the "cool kids" wear and you guys can afford. (ie, Don't make him take the dorky insulated lunch box to school.) Even if he doesn't really care much about clothes or shoes or a new backpack, it'll reduce how much he stands out as "different."

The second part of my advice starts with a question. Is your son involved in any kind of behavioral therapy (or something else that helps him develop tools for dealing with the aspects of the social world that are difficult for him)? If so, you should for sure bring up your concerns with his therapist to see if he or she can help him imagine the kinds of situations he might be in and prepare a way to respond. If not, you can do this yourself (to an extent) as Squirrel Girl suggests by talking about the kinds of mean things kids sometimes do (stories about your own childhood would be good here, or there are a plethora of movies and t.v. shows that address this issue and might spark a discussion) and what you and he feels like he could do if those things happen.

The other idea I have is to try to find something that will boost your son's feelings of independence, efficacy, and confidence. Is there something that he already loves to do? Does he have friends with whom he enjoys doing it? If the answer to these questions is yes, I think you can relax a little bit. Most kids who have some friends do okay even when they're being bullied because they know that there are people who appreciate them. It's a lot easier to survive being a "them" to one group if you have your own group where you're part of an "us."

Finally, I think it's important to realize that most kids go through some bullying and teasing. There is certainly a line ( which starts as soon as the bullying becomes a regular recurring thing, your son is quite upset or bothered by it, it is specifically aimed at his condition, or your son is or feels he is in danger), but I don't think you should jump up in arms the first time someone makes a snide remark to your son in middle school. Everyone has snide remarks made about them in middle school, and I think that the more you focus on it (and especially make a public fuss about it to teachers, staff, or other students), the worse it is likely to get. Please understand, I am not suggesting that you're overreacting now OR that bullying is in any way okay, I just think there's a possibility that your son will be absolutely all right and maybe not even the target of any special ire. The best you can do in my opinion is to speak to teachers and administration quietly and privately before there is any kind of problem and prepare your son by both discussing the possibility of bullying and appropriate responses and by giving him stable ground to retreat to if he ends up needing a break from upsetting peer interactions (like a hobby or an outside of school friend/activity group).

Also, just a note, I absolutely disagree with Kip's suggestion of private school as inherently better for kids with special needs unless the school is specifically designed with special needs kids in mind. In my experience, private schools have less experience dealing with these issues and are reluctant to discipline or confront bad behavior from the popular kids (usually the kids with the richest parents).

I hope your son has a good experience, or at least no worse than the average kid.

Beyond the emotional support you can offer to your son directly, I know that reaching out to teachers, school counselors and social workers, etc. proactively is huge. Some of them may not have the education to recognize his behavior as symptomatic of Aspergers, nor the tools for intervening in potential bullying situations. If you can help them become comfortable with addressing the topic, they're more likely to keep an eye out and actually address the issue when needed.

There are definitely options as well for addressing his classmates directly. I work with teens with disabilities that aren't always apparent on first sight, so I know this approach doesn't work for all of them...But providing some education on what autism and Aspergers is, or even just disability awareness and etiquette in general, can be really helpful in preventing bad situations. There are lots of ways to make this happen without necessarily calling him out directly, or putting all the work on your shoulders. Some kids are gonna be jerks no matter what, but the ones who are more ignorant than ill-intentioned usually respond well to education.

Everyone else had much better answers than what I'm going to throw out there, but I think it needs to be said: Make sure your son is clean and dressed relatively cool. I know it sounds shallow, but no one is more shallow than middle school kids. When I was in middle school, the kids I knew with Aspberger's always looked like they hadn't showered in awhile and tended to wear really strange things--like one boy only wore a sweatshirt with a puffy paint tulip on it. If your kid looks like the other kids, it gives other kids less ammunition to mock your kid.

Speaking as someone with Aspergers (or whatever the new DSM will be calling it) who was teased mercilessly in school, you can't. There is no way to protect a child from the intolerance of the world. While I would not say that bullying in good, it is a version of what all of us, every day, have to put up with for the rest of our lives and therefore I don't think protecting a child from it is a good idea. False bubble and all that.

That said, what you can do is give your child the strength of mind to deal with bullying and intolerance in an appropriate way. A solidarity of self and tolerance of differences are about the only universals I can offer; other things are going to be up to you, like what degree of bullying requires going to authority figures and whether violence can be responded to with violence. But the solidarity of self is important; give your child a sense of value in themselves that no one else can touch, ever, and it will carry them through hell and back.

Looking back on my middle school days, I can remember a couple of kids who so obviously, in retrospect, had Aspberger's. And they were teased mercilessly. Of course, thankfully, the "spectrum" is so much better understood now, and I think teachers are more educated on how to help socially integrate kids with Asperger's. The kids themselves are better educated too. My daughter's school has a strong inclusion program, and she definitely is very comfortable and familiar with the quirks of Aspbergerian and autistic kids. It's just part of the normal range of personality for her at this point.

Unfortunately, no matter the positive changes, middle school kind of sucks. Bullying is almost unavoidable. I strongly believe this is the same no matter the school you send your child too. The degree varies, but many kids are just cruel about any differences at that age. Keeping a strong communication link with the teachers and principal is important, but so is tracking your own child's experiences. Teachers can't be aware of everything.

When my daughter was having issues with being bullied a couple of years ago, I definitely checked off the boxes by talking to her teacher and other parents about the problem, but mostly I worked on what I had the most control over: what she was doing and feeling. Helping her become stronger and more confident. I signed her up for martial arts (okay, fencing, because that's what she chose) to help her be aware of her own body's capabilities. We also spent hours role playing different scenarios; how to respond to mean comments, how to diffuse situations, when to remove herself from a conflict, when to involve a nearby adult. We also talked a lot about the motivations of bullies and how the things that they said and did were not reflections on her worth as a person, but their own issues. All of these things together really helped her (and me to not feel so helpless), and she is doing much much better socially now. It's kind of an amazing change, frankly. We still revisit the topic frequently, but currently more abstractly. She has some fairly mature perspectives that I enjoy hearing, which makes me think that she did learn a lot from the experience.

Sorry this ended up being so long; I have burned many brain cells on this subject, clearly. :) I wish you and your boy the best of luck! Unfortunately, all of us have to endure middle school. Fortunately, it's over quickly.

Any idea how hard fought the battle was to get autistic kids into schools in the first place? Bullying sucks. I was bullied. Bullying also teaches us how to make our way in the real world. Some amount of it is actually a gift. Too much of it requires intervention between you and school administrators.

Putting him in private school will also help, generally.