I hate to admit it now, but I was totally on your boyfriend's side of the argument back when I first met my husband. I was friends with a lot of guys, which was not such a big deal for him, including some exes, which was.

When he insisted I ditch the exes, as a prerequisite to continuing our relationship, I did NOT get it. In retrospect, I am a bit embarrassed about how hard I fought him on it at first. I hadn't really looked at relationships very seriously before him, and the process of learning how to see his side of the argument really deepened my understanding of intimacy in the end.

My perspective now is that you are, of course, totally in the right on this, but also keeping in mind that your bf might really and truly have thought it was no big deal. If he has agreed to stop seeing her, and does follow through, it may end up being something that brings you closer together. If he won't bend, or if he keeps seeing her behind your back, he isn't really ready to be a solid, monogamous partner.

Serious: you could read up on whatever topic you're going to be interviewed about--I find that this usually leads to surfing Wikipedia for hours, reading related information.

Silly: look on Youtube for nut shots or clips involving stupid animal tricks. If that's the kind of thing you find funny, it works wonders for lifting your mood. My husband can do this for hours, especially if he starts watching the chimp falling backwards off a log video. 15 seconds of hilarity. Or, if you need it, Cee Lo. Silly blogs I like are CakeWrecks, small doses of LOLcats, and, like Basil, Order of the Stick.

Other: I find that strenuous exercise works wonders, as does difficult (for me) yoga postures. If you're physically tired, you'll sleep instead of brood, and you'll want to be well-rested for your interview. Go walk several miles or run tonight and you'll feel better. As for the yoga, when I'm doing a difficult posture, I find that my mind goes clear since I'm focused on maintaining balance/awkward position so much that I can't think of anythng else. It's nice.

Oh, and have something for dinner that you love but the boyfriend doesn't/didn't. Just because.

It's fun because there is a little bit of the voyuer in most of us and we enjoy seeing what kinks other people have. I'm actually dated (using the term loosely) several women I have met from CL. I admit it is not for everyone, but there are certainly worse ways to meet.

PS BBF is bare back fuck. I didn't know either. I had to look on Urban Dictionary.

The answer depends on many factors. If you were registered with the State (not just the city), the assets earned during the period of registration would be treated at community property under WA law. If you were not registered with the State, you may still have an interest in the value of the 401k if you can prove that your relationship met the legal standard of a "committed intimate relationship" (CIR) during the time the asset was earned - but how that interest is transferred from one partner to another is very fact specific as both Federal and State law apply. To determine CIR status, the court would look to a variety of factors (including length of relationship, continuous cohabitation, pooling of resources/joint accounts, intent of parties, etc.) to demonstrate that the relationship marriage-like.

WA does not have common law marriage, but I think the CIR determination - which applies to heterosexual and homosexual relationships - comes pretty close.

In some circumstances one parent can unilaterally start an action to modify a parenting plan. For more information on modification you should consider RCW 26.09.260 found at this link: http://apps.leg.wa.gov/RCW/default.aspx?cite=26.09.260.

Also, if one of the parents wants to move out of the area this may result in a need to change the parenting plan. Parenting plans typically have a summary of the relocation statutes contained within them. The statutes on the subject begin with the ‘Notice Requirement’ RCW 26.09.430 found at this link: http://apps.leg.wa.gov/RCW/default.aspx?cite=26.09.430.

I'd suggest that cheapness, disgust, shame, and humiliation come from disappointment with yourself and fear of what others might think of you if they knew what horrible, embarrassing things you'd done.

As to the former, I agree with LMNOP: In a totally new situation (and sex early on is inevitably a totally new situation), there's no way you can know what you "should have done" until it's over, maybe you've pondered it a bit, and sometimes made the mistakes more than once. In this situation, you shared more of yourself than you were comfortable with in hindsight--and I'm thinking less of the physical stuff than the intimacy and openness, which can make you feel vulnerable in the worst way. Next time you'll wait longer, or be more guarded, or maybe even be with a guy who's more thoughtful or perceptive (not that I'm blaming him either). You might find your One True Love, or you might just approach casual sex with a more experienced mindset, whatever that means for you.

As to the latter, most people out there (especially in this city) if they knew what happened would have no problem with anything you did. They aren't bothered by the sex, the fact that you put yourself out there, the fact that a guy seemingly chose someone else over you. Most people would probably think you were great, be concerned because you felt ashamed, and hope you found someone better for you personally. Your feelings about what happened might be a good learning tool, but, assuming you're not surrounded by jerks, the only one who thinks anything you've done is shameful is you. If you had a friend in the same situation you'd probably say the same thing I am: You didn't do anything wrong, and don't need to be so harsh on yourself.

Dear Belly,

First, I'd like to comment on your resiliency. Certainly, heartache can leave a heavy weight making it difficult to find the levity needed to meet a new person. Your positive message to to "dust myself off" may offer the steam you need to find a pleasing connection. Now, let's explore some possibilities.

One thing to consider is how males and females are able to, at least stereotypically, process the ending of a relationship. Men may not talk with their friends and verbalize the emotions in the same way that females may after a break-up. Of course, this is only a stereotype and based on more anecdotal evidence. However, sadly for men and women, our culture does not always provide a forum for men to say all that they might need or want to move through an ending.

Conversely, I think it is important to realize that the experiences you have had with men seeming unresolved with their past relationships, may or may not be an accurate reflection of men's ability to keep on truckin'. I remember in high school philosophy class learning about the fallacy of a "special case." Essentially, this means, not to let the action of one, two or even three men color your view of what you can expect from a future dating relationship.

Lastly, a point for self reflection that may or may not fit for you is to consider what, unconsciously, is being protected when a man is not fully available. Sounds kind of cliche, perhaps...though I do think it is essential and helpful to look for themes in who we are attracted to as a means to glean more information about who we are, what we are fearful of and what we desire.

I wish you relationship luck!

Liz

I don't know. I don't see this as things going well like new york state of mind suggests. I am assuming you guys were close when you were girlfriend and boyfriend for three years. And now you have been apart for over a year.

I guess it would depend on a couple things -

why is she going slow with you now? Was that how she acted when you guys started dating before?

I assume you had a sexual relationship before, do you have one now?

I guess my biggest suggestion is always to talk to her. Why does she want to take it slow? Was she seeing someone else during that year apart? Is she still? Does she ACTUALLY want to be with you, or does she feel pressured into doing it because you moved to Korea for her?

These are the kind of things I would be asking her, and NOT in a "reassure me or I will be upset!" way, but in an open, honest, and supportive way.

Talk to her about what SHE is feeling and in a way that you make it clear you are not going to be hurt by her honest answers, you are just curious where she is at.

I kind of get the sense that she is probably a conservative, and dutiful girlfriend - and being apart a year you suddenly moved across the world to be with her and she MAY not know how to tell you that she didn't want to re-start the relationship that way.

If the girl wasn't begging you to move out there to be with her, then you might still have a chance of restarting the relationship - but I think you should make it clear that if SHE wants to just be friends from here on that you would be totally ok with that. Take some of that pressure off her so you can see where she is really at, before you start trying to push her into the relationship again.

They are still publishing after all these years. There was a temporary halt to printing the magazine in 2009 but they existed on the web. They returned to a printed edition in February 2010 with a photo-shoot of Levi Johnston and his flat ass.

"Second cousin" means your grandparents were siblings. The consanguinity, and thus the ick factor, are only one-fourth as strong as with first cousins. I don't think it's a big deal at all. Most people barely consider second cousins cousins at all.

Go for it.

From a 2002 article about the AutoFocus film:

"On one side is Robert, 51, one of three children Crane had with his first wife, Anne. A journalist, he was paid $20,000 to be an adviser on the movie and has a small (if ironic) part as an interviewer for a Christian publication who quizzes the TV celebrity on his tips for a happy marriage.

On the other side is Scotty, 31, Crane's son with second wife, Patricia, who was Hilda on Hogan's Heroes. His mother, who was separated from but never divorced from his dad, is executor of the estate and inherited proceeds from reruns. She also owns thousands of photos and tapes that document more than two decades of Crane's sexual encounters, a selection of which forms the centerpiece of Scotty's infamous Web site shrine, bobcrane.com."

(above from http://www.usatoday.com/life/movies/news/2002-10-15-bob-crane-_x.htm )

I think the bobcrane.com site no longer has that material though. But here's another comment about that site back when it was different:

"The reason Scotty Crane is making this material public is so people can finally see for themselves what went on during the making of the photos and videos. Many rumours have stated that there were homosexual acts and dungeons involved, and there is no truth to that. Now people can see the truth. There is a family section of the site and also an adult section with XXX video clips and photos of Bob. You can also buy collectables at the site, too. This site was done by Scotty, NOT Patricia (even though some people like to make it seem like she is behind it). If you heard Scotty mention that site, you may wanna visit his radio show website Shaken, Not Stirred too."

(Does Scott Crane still live in Seattle?)

If I'm reading your question right, you've had 20 sexual partners in the past 8-10 years, and you've had several other long term, going nowhere crushes. Unless you've had super-awesome open relationships (in which case, high five), it sounds like you haven't had much experience with long term, serious relationships. Is it possible the "inappropriate clinger-monogamy thing" you're feeling so persistently is you trying to tell yourself that what you really want is a relationship--a long term, get-to-know-you, kinda obsessed, lovey-dovey relationship? Now, I know that serious relationships ain't for everybody, nor can you just run down to the corner store and pick one up, but maybe these feelings are around because you feel like you're missing out on having that kind of romance. (Or maybe you've had these kinds of relationships and my theory is based on completely inadequate information, in which case, skip ahead--my second paragraph may apply.) If this is the case, I bet the inappropriate feelings will go away (or at least become easily manageable) as soon as you meet someone you're really, actually into and who's into you, too.  If you hadn't already hooked up with the fella and told him you were interested in dating, I'd advise that too, because often it's enough to burst the bubble, but in this case that advise obviously isn't going to do it.

I've experienced this kind of crush too. For me, the solution was just to stop spending time with the crush (this is easier if you don't work with him, of course). I decided it wasn't fair on multiple fronts. First, it wasn't fair to myself to hang around and make myself look like an idiot around someone who wasn't (and isn't) interested.  Second, it wasn't fair to the guy (who was a close friend) to hang out as if we were just friends when I would have liked the relationship to be different.  Third, it finally became really unfair to the person with whom I ended up truly falling in love and building a relationship.  Oddly enough, the feelings are still kind of hanging around, but it doesn't hurt anymore, and I would never ever risk the real, actual, amazing love that I feel for the person I'm with now (or their love for me) to chase the high of what I know is only a crush (years-long though it may be).  I think what is so intoxicating about a crush is that you never really have to deal with all the nitty-gritty parts of making a relationship work with that person...but on the other hand, the crush is never there to help you through all the nitty-gritty parts of your own life, either.

In a nutshell, I guess I would say, you can't stop how you feel about the guy, but you can stop acting in a way that you think is foolish, try to understand why you might be feeling this way, and look for a more constructive way to fill the needs that the crush is filling.

I took Lois McDermott's Psych 210 (Human Sexuality) at UW, and read each of the textbooks twice - once before the quarter started, and then again as the reading was assigned. I got a 4.2 in her class, which I'm quite proud of. (Funny story - I called my dad and told him I got an A+ in my sex class, and he asked what my then-boyfriend got. Answer: 3.3 or 3.4. No wonder it didn't last. He also announced to the entire teacher's lounge that I got an A+ in my sex class. My dad is great.)

When I was pregnant, I took Bradley Method classes, which cover in great physical detail the birthing process, and they also include a lot of stuff about sex and sexuality. I nursed my daughter until she turned two, and I read a few books about it (The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding and A Nursing Mother's Companion) and attended LLL meetings as well.

I also read various articles and books about sex because it's an interesting topic. It's something that everyone (for the most part) does and there's a lot of mystery surrounding many aspects of it, so I think it's good to be well-informed.

Finally, when I was growing up my parents had a policy of answering every question I asked with honest, age-appropriate answers. There was never any misinformation, embarrassment, or implication that sex was dirty or wrong (Although my dad loves to ask, "Is sex dirty?" "I don't know, Dad, is it?" "Only if you do it right.") or that being curious about it was anything other than completely natural. As a parent myself, it's important to me that I'm able to answer my daughter's questions as they arise, and that I know where to go to get information that I don't have.

I think that the other thing that's going on here is that you have a lot of people, each of whom know a lot about some very small area of sexuality. I know a lot about pretty vanilla straight sex, childbirth, lactation, etc, but I don't know a damn thing about the way that a transgendered person approaches sex. As such, I jump in and answer questions that I know the answer to, but not the ones I don't. So what you get is consistently good answers because the people who choose to answer self-select and are usually pretty knowledgable about that particular thing.

Whoa. That's a big can of worms. Yeah, it might be possible, but honestly... Why bother? There are lots of women in the Seattle area that aren't afflicted with blatant bigotry.

If someone I was dating said that to me, she would be insta-dumped. And the fact that she was inculcated with prejudice by her parents is no excuse for a full-grown woman; if she can't form her own opinions, that's another strike against her character.

It could take you years to de-program her. If you are successful, how will you know that she truly believes what you've shown her, and isn't simply parroting what you've told her to say?

I say ditch her posthaste. But make sure she knows WHY you are dumping her bigoted ass. It will send a clear message that she needs to make some changes if she ever plans on living in the civilized world.

We have two wonderful places to shop in Seattle that are just what you're looking for.

On Capital Hill we've got Babeland 707 East Pike

In Ballard there's Wild At Heart 1111 Leary Way

Both shops are female owned and mostly female operated. They are welcoming and very friendly

Have fun shopping!

I like to think that Bisexuals are perceived differently than we have previously.

The more enlightened can acknowledge that there are creatures who are truly bisexual and that does not mean
a) they are 50/50 attracted to both sexes--there is a continuum
b) they are not going through a phase
c) they are not kidding themselves and/or just pausing on their way to gay

unfortunately all of these stereotypes are still around to some degree.

Regardless,

I believe bisexuality is about what is happening between your ears not legs.

Bisexual brains are different in some really beautiful ways, and it has to do with who you are attracted to, not necessarily what you do. (A married, bi guy is still bi even if he may not be kissing other boys any longer) Though it does mean that the relationship is , by definition, "queer"--I wouldn't define it as "homosexual" or "straight" simply based on the genitalia of their partner.

No. My regular sex life is not nearly as kinky as my fantasy life. I have a partner who's on the way to ggg, but still reticent and shy. He takes a lot of coaxing, and has had a suspicious attitude towards my fantasies in the past, seeming to think that they're indicative of an underlying, unspoken issue (that familiar hand-wringing anxiety over anything "abnormal" that's more often than not completely unfounded).

I'm relatively kinky, and so is he, and I know our sex life would improve by orders of magnitude were we to express our sexualities fully. I have faith that with time and communication we will get there though.

My only advice: Make sure the penetrative portion isn't too long. Bought a nice one once and the clitoral portion wound up being too far away to actually touch anything useful.

The only advice that can ever really resolve issues like this: be open and honest with HIM and talk to HIM about this. If you aren't happy with the response, if he doesn't value and respect your opinion, and if you feel that he is genuinely not as interested then you should decide what is right for you.

Go - Talk - To - Him.

...you don't HAVE to have butt sex right away just because you have homosexual feelings.

Butt sex is not what makes you gay.

This is taking this thread in with all the other threads you've created recently.

You don't have to jump right into the anal. Take some time and learn about this stuff properly.

You need to meet Mina Bast. She is an amazing photographer, and part of her success is due to the fact that she makes her subjects so comfortable. Mina has a very soothing and loving energy about her.

She's had work exhibited all over town, including Babeland, and I believe that she is even having an opening in Greenwood sometime this week... But you can scope out her website for examples of her work from the comfort of your own home. She has very reasonable rates, too!

Sue would terrify me. Dr. Ruth seems cuddly. Dan would be worth watching. Good luck getting any of them to demonstrate for you though (actually Sue would probably insist - educational - urgh).

Gee, I hear they're letting women on submarines these days, and 5'11" is about the limit for how tall you can be to serve on a sub, so maybe Bangor?

The phrase about love that resonated with me most is this:

Love is a skill, not an emotion.

You choose to love, you put effort into your love, you make your love great or you make your love small. It's a choice. Most people think of love as some outside phenomenon that "happens" between two people. The only way it happens is when two people want it and they both work at it. There are flash in the pan "loves", but without work, what happens? They dissolve.

Personally, I don't think you will ever love two people the same, and myself, I can love more than one person at time but not in the exact same way. And comparing loves, ranking them, judging one love from the flawed memory of another, it is just a way to sabotage or glorify the love you are feeling now. A very dangerous game. Especially since the evaluation of love is all based on the past, and who knows what is coming around the corner in a relationship.

Of course this is just my personal philosophy.
Bottom line: Love your ass off!!!

Being hideous, no one has ever tried to pick me up. I've tried hanging out around blind people but apparently I must smell or sound bad as well. Or maybe blind people don't use pick up lines. Using my "come hither" gaze is even more useless than usual and I don't know how to emit a "come hither" scent or sound.

I, however, have used pickup lines as my only viable strategy for nookie was to charm the pants/skirt off of someone. Thank god this works with women. I don't think it works with dudes.

My faves:
"Are those space pants you're wearing? 'cause your ass is out of this world." If she's wearing a skirt you should substitute "Skirt" for "pants", etc.

"Are your parents retarded? 'cause you're awfully special." This one can backfire if she or her parents actually are retarded.

"I get off around 4. I'd like to do the same for you about a 1/2 an hour later." Got that one from "Dirty Dancing". Being able to work in a "Nobody puts baby in a corner" with a big Dirty Dancing fan has actually gotten me places I never would have visited before.

"Are you Irish? I ask because my penis is Dublin (doubling...)." Variant: "Do you have a little Irish in you? would you like a little more?"

"Are your pants made of mirrors? 'cause I can really see myself in them".

"That dress/shirt/whatever is very becoming on you. If I were on you I'd be coming, too."

"Damn. Iseem to have lost my phone number. Can i have yours?"

and many more.

None.

Well, depends. The actual procedure isn't bad as you are under local anesthesia. Just weird to have people moving your johnson about while you're aware of the surrounding. First few days after operation you'll get strong pain medication, and you'll definitely know when it's time for the next dose. But it's not like piercing "can't breathe" kind of pain, more like "fuck this sucks" kind of dull pain.

For 1-2 weeks after, walking around is awkward. There is just no good way to bandage the penis, as anything you do get shifted around and you are soon out and about, so to speak. Plus your newly exposed area is just super sensitive and is aware of any small contact with your undies or what not. I've tried hard athletic cups, softer supportive jock strap, pretty much nothing works.

But it's all worth it. Having pain during sex sucks. This will change your life. You'll be amazed with your new instrument.

I've been in this situation more times than I care to remember. It is tough, no question about it. The first and best thing you can do is stay in touch with each other ALL the time. let each other know every little detail of what you are doing, no matter how trivial. Think about it, normally, you probably know almost everything about each other when you are together, where you went on the way home from work, what you ate, what time you woke up, that little niggle in your shoulder that your partner notices that you probably wouldn't have said anything about. Without being close to each other, most of that goes away, certainly over time.

Without it, the relationship somehow loses its connection, and that is when the rot sets in.

If you are passionate, think about writing each other letters about what you want to be doing with the other person. Try to be as detailed as you can, nothing says I love you like a piece of erotic literature when you are 5000 miles apart.

Send each other pictures, it is amazing how easily the mind forgets those little details about each other. A quick pic every now and again never did anyone any harm. Spicy pics, if you can pull yourself to doing it, add an even sharper edge.

Be faithful to each other. You'll both start spending time out enjoying yourselves without each other. It never ceases to amaze me how strong the pull of a casual relationship is once you've been apart for some time. Work hard at resisting it. Even if your partner never finds out, it will surface itself in some way and really isn't worth it.

Surprise each other. Do wild things, be inventive, think about things that speak volume and make the other guy realise how much you think about them and how much you love them. Book a trip home or for your partner to visit you if you can and spring it on them at the last minute. The feeling it gives you both is amazing and well worth the cost and effort.

Through the number of times I've been seperated between here and the UK, if you both work hard at it, and there is the really important part, both of you working at it, it can result in an amazingly strong relationship.

One last thing, if you have any cracks in your relationship that neither of you are talking about right now, get them out in the open before you leave. Otherwise, the amplification of them as distance and loneliness get the better of you is awful.

Oh, and have lots of sex before you leave. Nothing worse than getting on that plane having been chaste leading up to it. Go out with a bang!

While most here have pretty much outlined my thoughts on the matter (including the kudos for your sense of humor and confidence), l'd just like to offer my own.

First and foremost, save yourself the time and tell them up front. l'm poly and bi, which is obviously different, but the kind of information l owe to anyone interested in dating me. l don't know that 'owe' is the word l would apply to your situation where it does with me (and l'm not quite sure why, it just doesn't seem to fit; maybe it's that you don't have a choice in the matter), but were l in your shoes, l'd just prefer to avoid the uncharitable for those that won't give a shit.

However, l also think you should go ahead and explain the origin of the limp. For me, were l to read it, l would (again) admire your honesty, sense of humor, and ability to be that forthright in the face of rejection. But more than that, it would give me the disclosure l'd prefer in order to make a fully informed decision as well. l don't think that not including the reason would hurt you in any way, though, since it can easily be addressed on the first date, but it would take care of any queries as to why, which you are bound to get anyway. Again, it just saves time, and helps you get to the meat of the matter, rather than dancing around obscurities. lt certainly doesn't make you any less endearing, and any woman with firing neurons will agree.

To answer your question regarding being the recipient and how l'd react, you'd definitely get a response from me. :)

I'm not seeing what you did wrong here. This all sounds pretty harmless: pizza, dancing, and talking. You don't mention naked jello shots.

Were you hiding anything? Are you ducking questions about what you and Jen got up to, or just not giving him a blow-by-blow of an evening he didn't want to attend? (I assume he could have, had he wanted to.) Does he give you a complete description of what he was doing while you were out? Do you want one?

Seriously: you're telling the story, he's not, but I'm not seeing the problem in anything you've described here. Something else is going on.

I think what you guys need do to is figure out why he's feeling like you violated his trust and if that really is the issue. My guess is that at some level he misses you and resents your having fun without him, but he may not have looked that closely at it. Or, if you left something out of this story (I'm just making this up), like your being hungover every time you go out, that could get old. Find out what the real problem is, since I don't think it's that you're lying, even by omission.