Unless you're in the late stages of pregnancy, the worst that would happen is a bruised cervix--I've had it happen, and it's nothing major for me. And, whether or not such stimulation is pleasurable varies woman to woman (I personally enjoy it, I know plenty of women who hate it). You can always tell him to stop, slow down, add lube, change positions, whatever, both inside and outside the bedroom.

Of course, you could get an IUD placed. The strings have a tendency to poke pushy penises if the cervix is prodded too hard, which I am told is highly unpleasant. They're also excellent birth control, lasting up to 10 years. Just a thought.

I'm assuming you're already messing around and maybe have done some of the questionly virginal stuff for my answer. I think it would be a bit different if you guys aren't already having some kind of intimacy

it matters how you view that status. If you're the kind of person who feels they need to be in love ( or in a commitment) yes.

But if you don't go with the cultural baggage and you're comfortable with the guy ( and he knows) it may be a more rewarding experience because you won't get all worried with the "what does this mean" and getting emotions and expectations wrapped into the experience. You can just have fun and he can teach you a thing or two so when your debut with an serious fella comes along you can skip the nervousness and skip right to the good part.

But make sure you at least know each other (the friends part is important) and have a clear idea of what the ground rules are. You wanna make sure you're both on the same page so neither of you get hurt emotionally.

And use protection and visit planned parenthood or gyno for tests and if anything abnormal crops up. That's not just for now but for always. Once you become active make sure to take charge of yourself and be vigilant. You're young and want to avoid any accidents or critters to harm or derail your or future partners long lives. if you're old enough to play you're old enough to follow common sense and educate yourself if you haven't already done your share of real researching (ie pulling out is not a form of birth control). You are so lucky to have the Internet at your disposal this point in your life (there's enough pressures as it is you don't have to heap embarrassment of buying things face to face like those of us who didn't have the web) use it well and often (but remember that anyone in the world can post so be thorough and when in doubt see a doc)

Tell him it hurts you. He should stop. I hope you are telling him this. He needs to know. You'd stop if you were hurting him, no? Do not be timid about this. Make him adjust or stop when it happens, every time. Sex is not supposed to hurt unless you want it to.
Stuff I've learned from my doctor, you should talk to yours:
If it hurts and you don't normally have a sensitive cervix (cervixes can be touchy, mine has become so over time), it's not good for you, but not terrifyingly bad. You just don't want scar tissue/tissue adhesions in your abdomen (this is unlikely but possible), they can cause pain themselves and only surgery corrects that. Don't be scared - this pain happens every now and then to everyone if they're with a big enough guy, or if they misjudge how warmed up they are for sex, but if it's a regular thing (and it never should be since you should tell him and he should stop every time it hurts), that's probably not good. And actually, bleeding is probably ok (this can happen to some without pain) as long as it's not a lot and you should get checked out if any at all is happening as well in case of STDs (especially HPV) or pelvic inflammatory disease (very bad news). It's also possible he's hitting your bladder, which if full or close to can hurt (you might piss blood/pus, not nice to look at but also not inherently bad - just make sure it doesn't happen a lot, same reasons as for cervix). Ask a doctor/Planned Parenthood (you can call them if you want to be anonymous, or the San Francisco Sex Info Hotline (email them or call:415-989-SFSI (7374)(US/Pacific time)3-9 PM Monday through Thursday,3-6 PM Friday). If you want him to fuck you hard you need to only do that in positions that are shallower, like Captain says, or you can try one of those giganto cock rings that are the size of your hand, worth a shot. Also make sure he takes a lot of time on foreplay. He should be used to this kind of thing if he's that hung, as this has likely happened with other ladies before, and if he hasn't had this happen then he especially needs to know. He'll probably be proud. Worried, concerned, super careful not to hurt you, sure, but also proud. It might also just be that he's too big to fuck anyone hard, too bad for him. It's also possible you are more sensitive cyclically - track your cycle to see when you might hurt more, if there is a pattern he can fuck you hard sometimes and sometimes not. And finally, get STD tested just in case. It's not likely the problem, but if he is a new partner, and something unusual is going on with your junk, just to be safe might be worth checking things out.

The short answer is no, with qualifications.

If you are experiencing pain from his coming in contact with the cervix, (or for any reason) it's NOT OK. If it's painful, it's painful, and to be avoided.

Second, damage is a relative term. The fact that you're in pain is not good. However, the occassional bump or prod can thrill SOME women. (I was once with a woman and could feel "something" I was hitting...she claimed it was her cervix or uterus, but claimed it was fine. She was ok with continuing, though I had always read that this was painful. We finished, and she was fine with it.)

Third, if you're having bleeding or discharge, it's not OK.

Suggestion?
Try positions where he doesn't penetrate as far, or where you control the depth and speed. Example: Cowgirl on top.

Another idea: Get him to wear a THICK cockring. This will act as a "stopper" and keep him from penetrating too far (as well as provide both him and you some variety of sensations!)
Some women use their hands in the same fashion, but some cannot reach or maintain this, depending on the position.

Third, talk with him about what you're feeling, and why you want to change up... not in an accusing fashion, but from a point of "Honey, I love it when you really get into it, but sometimes it's too much. Can we find a position where you can go to town, and I can enjoy it more? I want the best for us."

Last, you ARE using some form of protection, aren't you? Condoms...birth control... inserts... they're all important. Especially if you're in a location where you are considered "under age."

Last minute edit: I'm sharing this from my readings over 40+ years. Perhaps the question is better answered by a woman or a gyno-doctor. Anyone?

Lots and lots of people kiss, make out with or even have sex with people of the same sex because they are curious.

It means he was curious. And sexual orientation is on a spectrum which means some people are totally gay or totally straight.

Most are somewhere in the middle and have strong leaning more towards totally straight or totally gay.

And there are those who land solidly in the bisexual spot.

Worry he's gay? No, probably not. Worry you are making a mountain out of a molehill - probably. :)

I kissed my grandmother at her funeral, does that make me a necrophiliac? Kissing means nothing.

Everyone should try everything once. That is the point of life, to experience things.

Short answer: No, he's not gay. A single kissing experience doesn't mean anything except he was experimenting. But maybe he is.

He's told you he wasn't into it. Maybe you should accept what he told you, or do you have trust issues?

Remember, you're asking total strangers what the orientation of your bf is. We've never met him. You have. You have more insight into him that anyone else on here.

Now, if you're troubled with the fact that he once kissed a guy, then you've got the problem.

Should you worry about him? I dunno...do you care for him?

You've really got to add your ages, demographic, sorts of things you and s/he are into. The perfect recommendation will vary wildly based upon that info.

Go for a long walk on Alki Beach. Space needle in the background, skyline across the water, just the two of you and Puget Sound.

I know it's cliche, but it's always a winner. Also, it's free. And there are a ton of great pubs & restaurants in West Seattle pre or post-walk.

Here's a tide table. Most of the beach is walkable any time, but the lower the tide the more you have to explore. http://dairiki.org/tides/

I've been on my fair share of dates at Alki, it's kind of my go-to date spot in the city. It's always a winner.

Go to Spinasse, and then take in a show on capitol hill.

Check out the Moisture Festival, which is happening right now. Great fun. http://www.moisturefestival.com/events/calendar

As for food, there are so many amazing places to eat in Seattle. Hunger is a new place in Fremont that's romantic and fabulous.

Hope you find lots of fun things to do. Laughing together can help a lot when things get rocky

Good luck

I would suggest playing to your strengths. If you are not a "Wallflower," and are otherwise social and friendly, go with what works. It sounds as if you can do the mental and emotional stuff just fine, but when it's about the physical you psych yourself out. Being a sensitive person can be both a boon as well as a curse at times, but there seems to be a lot of god news in this...

Enlist your already-established friends as wing-people, operate in groups and have them introduce you to others....
Join social organizations, classes or clubs to put you in contact with other people you can feel confident that you already share at least one thing in common....

Then try re-tweaking the way you are approaching your approach. Focus on being the right person and a good friend, rather then landing the right person. Focus on the friendship first as away of wading into that pool and relieving some of your anxiety and angst.

Aim for expanding your friendship base and let the rest happen organically: keep it simple, operate in group settings if that lessens your stress, keep your eyes above the shoulders and don’t use any stupid, pick-up lines. Tell them about yourself and ask them questions, give compliments and smile—talk to then like a friend or relative you actually like.

Not every guy has to be a hunter--being a fisherman has its rewards as well. Be yourself, put yourself out there, be interesting and interested and let other people be assertive and come nibble on you.

Finally, I would say trust yourself. Don't jump the gun and reject yourself FOR them. Do what you do, (again, be yourself)--be awkward and messy sometimes--that's why they call us human. If you stumble do with humor and grace, and let THEM make their own decisions about you.

I can relate to your problem, having had a similar experience in my younger days. Something that helped me a lot was having female friends. In my early twenties, I knew two sisters, the younger of whom I had a wicked crush on, and the older of whom was married. I became platonic friends with the older one (who happened to be very beautiful as well as intelligent), and it helped my comfort level around beautiful women, as well as my self-esteem. Don't look for a romantic outcome whenever you are attracted to someone. Think about common interests and a potential friendship, which tend to last longer than most romances anyway. And don't forget that other people get nervous, too. Another technique is to pick out someone who is even more nervous than you are, and treat that person the way you would like to be treated, just as a friend. You may gain some insight into your own situation.

Not the first jump I would take in this situation but since you've been trying to deal with it for a while it mite be a route to try -

If you end up working with a psycologist you might want to look into some anti anxiety meds for social situations ( xanix or clonipin are common Meds for this, but the person you're working with might have other suggestions). They can cut down on panic and shaking. But shouldn't be mixed with booze, so if you normally fortify yourself that way it will take some reworking of your social "process". Obviously it won work if you run into someone on thestreet but if you have a bit of prepare time you can take them before you head to a social engagement. Being up front after you've got your foot in the door means you can work on some non med tactics to work this out, but to get to the point where you can have an opening conversation it could help you not freak out so much. Good luck, and I feel for ya, it's awful to live with mild aspects of this let alone full on panic attacs with social situations

I have followed your posts concerning being a highly sensitive person and panic attacks. Your description here of how significant an impact your discomfort in social situations has had on your life and relationship success suggests that you might want to seek some professional intervention for autonomic nervous system dysfunction.

Each high anxiety experience you have in these situations can unfortunately reinforce the response you are having in social settings. Though you clearly want to seek out people that are attractive to you this problem looms too large to overcome on your own. It is natural to be nervous in new social encounters when one is invested in wanting to make a good impression on someone. To be clear this is not just that normal mental response, but your initial emotional reaction is driving excessive involvement of your adrenal glands cascading to a whole system response affecting your whole body and fight or flight panic.

Read the information at this site to fill in the details and see if fits:
http://www.panicla.com/pages/wi_anx.html
Be sure to peruse the information on treatment.
I just picked it out as being a fairly clear body of information on the subject.

To find some professional help on this go to your regular doctor for a referral or contact your health insurance provider. You can do some searching on your own using the terms "panic attack treatment" and your city, for a start.

There are lots of suggestions one could make about approaching these social situations with close friends and not on your own, learning to explain your discomfort and asking new folks to understand your shyness, and involving yourself in more situation controlled social activities that dictate activities and leave it less up to individual and all of that direct stress. However, you strike me as a very intelligent person that has probably tried much of those tactics. You deserve to be successful and happy in social settings and connect with people that you are really attracted to. Get some professional help.

"I also deserve a hand-written apology"

From the sounds of it, you're never going to get what you want. And what you NEED has to come from within, regardless of what he does. Move on. Just tell him no thanks, as the others suggest.

*Takes a big whiff*

MMMmmmm. Smells like crazy in here.

You have written a cathartic letter and doing so has been a good way of clearing your mind and releasing your hurt feelings. From what you have said, he isn't going to get it. That would be just another disappointment.

I would suggest a very short note:

"No, I've moved on."

It's to the point, and exactly what you should be doing. Revisiting the pain and giving him the time in your presence serves no purpose for you. Focus on what is best for you.

Write it on paper and burn it. Then, just don't respond. Unfriend and block him, delete him from your phone, take a long walk, have a stiff drink with a friend, and move on with your life knowing you are better off without this guy.

Holy crap,sweetiepie,
What is it that you want? Revenge? Publicity? Affirmation?

You already know the answer to your lead question, so why bother to ask it? Clearly, you're publicizing this by posting it on Questionland. Now who's the A-hole?

Look, you're obviously upset.
Why not just let it go and tell him "no way, Jose".
"I'm not into it."

(Frankly, I find your paternizing insistance on making him bring you food and tribute to be insulting. If I were him, I wouldn't read beyond the first line.)

So, yes, it is too mean.

Don't waste your time with him, he wouldn't give you the respect of talking before he was leaving. Neither of you are gonna get anything good out of this conversation. It's going to start him on the defensive and you're obviously still hurt. Remove his contact info and let him go to ca. You mention taking his letter to a therapist, but I think any therapist you showed this letter to would tell you not to send it, it's not written in a way that opens communications doors. Maybe it would be worth revising if you guys were trying to make it work, but you're clearly not so why bother stirring both your emotions up.

Just let him go and stop keeping score and get on with your lives. He'll just discount anything you say weather it's valid or not and you'll spend several weeks before and after in a tizzy. Know when to fold em and not look back

These comments are lame. I just happen to be a hickey removing expert.
So, here's what you do:

1. Take a hair pick and run it over the hickey back and forth.
2. Then, put a big spoon in a cup of ice until it's sooo cold. Take the spoon and massage the hickey area.
3. Lastly, I use neosporin over the hickey area in case I was too rough on myself with the hair pick.

Here's a goofy youtube video that helps explain.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_l8LXK-e_w

"I need help in trying to convince my fundamentalist Christian parents that it's ok to live with my boyfriend."

Also agreed with the rest. If they were rational creatures, they wouldn't be fundamentalist and abstinence until marriage.

"it also means that we would essentially have to break up for me to continue to have a relationship with them."

You don't have a ton of control over whether they're going to be abusive, judgmental, and unChristian over their love for you. Find your happiness in a respectful manner, but if you dont' want this emotional blackmail, you're going to have to be the adults that your parents are not.

Also, the benefit to this is that if they DO come back around (which they likely will) they'll have even less grounds to tell you what to do in your relationship and all other aspects of life, and as fundies, they certainly have opinions.

If you cave now, they will make you cave a year from now, 3 years from now, 5 years from now, etc. Until you internalize their will, or they pass onto the next life.

Don't change your plans. I'm with all the stated advice so far.

You seem like a responsible adult who has made good choices for yourself. You chose a guy who also makes good choices for himself. Your parents are gonna have to realize their daughter has a good head on her shoulders. It maybe different than theirs, but good nonetheless.

Does your BF's family live nearby? What if you invite the families to get to know each other. Humanize everyone. Maybe it'd calm them down.

Why do you have to convince them?

If you are an adult, and they're not paying your bills, then it's really your choice how you live, and with whom. It doesn't *have* to be okay with them. You've told then your plans--continuing to try and convince them to agree with you only invites them to respond with counter-arguments. It implies that they have some say in the matter. They don't, unless you let them (and if you're going to let them, it doesn't sound like there's much chance you're going to win this one--better just to cave and let them make your decision for you now).

It may sound harsh to you, but you need to live your own life. If it causes a rift between you and your parents, then so be it--that's their choice. If you don't say a polite, firm, loving "No" to them sometime, and do what feels right to you, then they are going to pull this kind of emotional blackmail again and again, for the rest of your life. Unless you want that, you need to let them know that your decision is not up for further debate. You've heard their input, and you appreciate it, but you need to do what is right for you. Repeat that as many times as necessary--don't get drawn back in to trying to convince them of anything. It won't happen, and it's not reasonable to expect that you should.

Great advice already here. All I can add is:

1. Be the adult. They can yell all they want. Don't do it back and give them any ammunition.

2. Let this be their problem, not yours. When you leave their home, leave this problem at the door.

3. Don't let this affect your relationship with your boyfriend. If things don't work out anyway, that's fine.

4. Be strong. This is likely to suck for a long period of time, and will not get better until you either break up with or marry the guy. Their reaction to it will probably mellow somewhat with time, e.g. they still won't approve, but maybe they won't raise their voices to you. Gradually getting to know and trust your guy will help if this turns into a serious long-term thing.

My now-husband and I were together for a long time before we got married, and it made my parents pretty itchy. They weren't in a rage, but they were unhappy about it and it came up a lot. It never really goes away until your relationship status changes one way or the other.

As much as they care about you, your parents have no business telling you how to live your independent life in your late 20's. You're in a tough spot, but if I've learned anything from my crazy family, it's that you can't control other people.

So, in a nutshell, you can't make your parents accept this. All you can do is take care of yourself and weather it out.

Don't let your excitement level rise to theirs when discussing this. Keeping a cool rational head will only help keep the communication lines open. When someone's voice is out of control compared to those they are ranting at it is very obvious who is doing the shouting. If you can discuss this with them in a give and take conversation express yourself with "I" statements explaining how you feel and the reasoning you are using in wanting to do this. Again, hopefully they can express there own feelings and not digress into a diatribe of "you should" statements. If you find yourself only on the receiving end with them not listening to what you want to explain or if they use threats of how they will react, it may be time to excuse yourself (and try again later).

You don't mention what the living arrangements are right now. Do you and your boyfriend both have your own apartments or are you living at home now? If you are living under their roof presently you have added the burden of that you are moving out and into a situation of which they disapprove. You are an adult and able to make your own decisions. However, there is nothing that says they have to agree to this proposed path in life and from your description it sounds like that possibility is certainly remote.

If you decide to go ahead with the move you should do all that you can to maintain normal communication - weekly/daily phone calls, email or mailed letters on a regular basis, and invitations to come together for meals in public restaurants. Even if they don't ask, tell them how you are and what you are doing in life - triumphs and trials at work, etc. Be sure to include your significant other in your conversations so they may come to know more about him through your eyes. Hopefully over time they will began to see you are still the daughter they raised and worked to instill their values in (even if this living arrangement does not meet their approval).

There comes a time in our lives when decisions we make may not meet our parents' approval. It does not mean they or we have failed the other. It does require a recognition of the need to continue to love each other and find common ground to continue on in family relationships. Work to maintain that relationship and let them know that you will do that. If they reject you without recourse, allow them the opportunity to reverse that course at a later date. If you go through with this, I hope your boyfriend will respect the immensity of your decision and support you in all ways possible, as well as to make attempts to know your folks. If you do all come together at times, try to plan these gatherings for public places where there is no home field advantage and public decorum will dictate behavior.

I'm with O my captain. This is not your problem--which is not to say it doesn't pain you, but that there's simply nothing you can do about it and you'll only feel lousy if you try and inevitably fail. 

I will add a few things you can do if you want to make yourself feel less negative.

First, try to treat your parents with as much love and respect as you always have.

Second, never let them see the negatives of your relationship. Don't mention your minor fights, anything that irritates you about your boyfriend, etc, to avoid giving anyone ammo to fire at you.

Third, allow your parents to voice concerns you consider reasonable, e.g. if they see your boyfriend saying something particularly unkind to you. You don't have to discuss it in depth--say, if they ask about your sexual health--but it's understandable for them to worry that you're protecting yourself. You can respectfully listen, answer as you see fit, and then firmly shut down any line of inquiry if you so choose.

Fourth, if their concerns are unreasonable or voiced rudely, you can tell them you won't talk about the relationship at all. Then go back to #1, and have a nice conversation about something else.

If all that fails, then it sounds like family isn't as important to your parents as it is to you. Fundamentalists (of all stripes) aren't known for their flexibility, though I hope yours surprise you.

Ignor them.
They either accept you for who you are, or they won't.
If they're not going to accept a relationship of more than a year, they're being judgemental.
You can find a better class of friend.