Seconded.

Uh, yeah, you can be friends with people you want to boink. lt's a matter of self-discipline. Especially if boinking them would ruin the friendship. l know that's not what we're talking about here, but l take issue with the general statement that it can't be done. l've done it a number of times, and remained friends -and only friends- with the people l was boinking. lf l read it correctly, then l consider it an archaic point of view.

lt sounds to me like you need to really take that time to yourself. Wanting other people or being attracted to intimacy and coupledom doesn't mean that personal time shouldn't be taken, and l guarantee you that you are always, *always* in a better mental position to handle the intimacy when it comes along after you've had time to work through whatever emotional stuff preceded it.

lt's easy enough to say, "l want this, but l'm not ready", and if you've struggled with non-monogamy (as l once did and finally settled on), maybe that's something you need to address with yourself first before pursuing anything else.

You haven't gotten that far with this guy. But you don't typically hold hands with fuckbuddies or FWBs. You may have a friendly relationship with them, but you don't have a whole lot of intimacy, so what you have with this guy tells me you have something more. ln this case, if he wants something more with you and you really don't feel ready, you owe it to him to put a stop to it -at least for now- and reassure him that while you are very much attracted to him, you need space and time to think, and you don't want to make any promises just yet.

And really, if you can't do a nice, casual sexual relationship after a long intense one, the best thing for you at the moment is probably to take some time to heal from and think over the last one. You don't want to jump into this one without resolving any problems that are leftover from the last. lt's not fair to either of you.

Dammit! But you live in Seattle, right? l'll pay you to bring some back, girl.

Mushroom!

Sorry, that would 'dental dams', not 'dental damns'. l cuss like a sailor, it even the mildest swear words have the power to make me misspell shit in their honor.

As sublevelthree pointed out, the behavior she outlines in the other post is probably him distancing himself, and for a teenage boy in love but knowing that things are about to change in a major way, shutting her down is probably the only way he knows how to reconcile his own feelings about leaving, and preventing her from making it any harder on him. lt's hardly mature, but he's a kid with very little life and relationship experience. l wouldn't be too hard on him if the issue really is that he loves her, but has no idea how to say goodbye. ln this case, his behavior would suggest as much if he never acted like this before.

l'm sorry, l just realized you said that in your OP. l'm a bit of a dumbass at times! l am reading it over and l think l'll post my thoughts in a regular response.

But while l'm thinking about it, how did your discussion go?

"Most men pretty much presume that either all woman have some sort of mental illness anyway or are thinking that any woman who would date them must be crazy so you're kinda covered anyway."

Damn, you beat me to it.

And you don't necessarily need to dump your drinking friends either. But if you have friends that slipped by the wayside over the years, it's really nice to get back in touch and let them know you're thinking of them, are in a better place and would like to spend more time with them. Doing that was one of the better decisions l've made in recent years, and l'm so grateful to have those people back in my life.