About Roslyn Ann Duffy

Co-Author of "Positive Discipline"

Recent posts

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  Are we too lax with our children?

  3 0 I am going to quote the definition for ‘discipline' we give in our book, Positive Discipline the First Three Years: When people talk about discipline they often mean punishment, because they believe them to be the same thing. “Real discipline, involves teaching; in fact, the word itself comes from the Latin root disciplina, which means ‘teaching; learning.” If this were the common understanding of the word, the ‘positive’ would be redundant. Roslyn Ann Duffy answered in Discipline 11 months ago Answer, comment & read 7 more answers »

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  How do I handle my Kindergartener who is getting in trouble at school for rough play at recess?He considers it funny

  1 0 My first suspicion is that he may be watching enough TV to see violence treated as humor. Or, are there other times he sees people laugh at some form of cruelty – stomping on bugs as if it’s a game; treating dogs or cats as objects of ridicule – that sort of thing. Written out it sounds so sinister, but casual cruelty gets condones in many subtle ways. The flip side of this is to provide opportunities for him to learn to treat others with kindness. Helping out at a food bank or animal shelter; spending time with an elderly friend or relative and of course, being sure that the touches he receives are kind (yes, I am referring to spanking here.) Also, be sure to talk about the stories you read to him in terms such as: what do you think bear thought when the other animals wouldn’t play with him or how do you think elephant liked being laughed at. Do you remember how you felt when your friends laughed at your new haircut? This invites him to relate emotions he has felt to what others feel - and thereby plant and nurture his development of empathy. Roslyn Ann Duffy answered in Discipline 11 months ago Answer, comment & read 2 more answers »

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  My 3.5 year old fusses uncontrollably.

  0 0 Between 3 and 5 years old children develop basic impulse control. For a child aged 3.5, the first thing I would look at when parents consult with me is how discipline is handled. It is important to take a good look at what is working or what isn’t because older children still throwing tantrums may need additional help to deal with impulse control. Whether a child turns out to need extra help or not, improved parenting will be a part of the picture. Without more details of this situation, I can’t offer specific advice aside from suggesting you work with someone who can help to sift through what may be going on and evaluate the problem with you. Roslyn Ann Duffy answered in Discipline 11 months ago Answer, comment & read 5 more answers »

• Comment on Vinnie's answer…

  0 0 Wished I'd thought of saying that. Excellent! Roslyn Ann Duffy commented 11 months ago

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  How can I teach a 5-year-old respect for nice things?

  1 0 I like to find ways to ‘make kids right’. By that, I mean finding ways for her to succeed and not get into trouble. In this case, it sounds like she needs a place to get a bit messy. Can a plastic tablecloth with towels over it provide a way to protect floors or furnishings? Could she work at small desk with newspaper to protect the surfaces? In nice weather, is there an outdoor space where water and a bit of exuberance won’t damage anything? There are even soap crayons to use in the bathtub that might provide a solution. What will it take to make messes less disastrous? It is fine to learn to treat things gently, but we also need ways for our creativity and messiness to be OK. (Just ask my husband ☺). Oh yes, and those uncapped markers get put away for the day. Tomorrow she can have a new chance to remember to cap them after use. Roslyn Ann Duffy answered in Discipline 11 months ago Answer, comment & read 6 more answers »

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  How to keep a 2 yr old from throwing food at the table?

  1 0 It is lots easier to decide what YOU will do rather than what you will TRY to make someone else do. Tell you son that if he throws his food – YOU will . . . . what? Help him carry his plate to the sink? Help him clear his plate and excuse him from the table? Take his food and clear it away yourself? YOU decide - then DO IT (please, don’t threaten to do it, just do it.) He’ll catch on – and no, he is unlikely to still be throwing his food when he is old enough to date (at least, probably not. The odds are in your favor here.) Roslyn Ann Duffy answered in Discipline 11 months ago Answer, comment & read 3 more answers »

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  16-month-old doesn't like me working. What do I do?

  4 0 My husband and I were both in college when our two oldest children were under age 4, with no family nearby and NO MONEY. Believe me, I hear you. First, you are working, even though the workplace happens to by your home. That means your child needs someone to attend to her, beyond the diapering, nursing or bottle break that you provide. Our solution was to do a trade-off with a neighbor who worked nights as a nurse. During the day she watched our youngest and her own child, and from dinner through night-time, her son was with us. Other suggestions would be to find a mom or dad with an 11 or 12-year-old who they don’t want to leave home alone while school is out. Their child could play with your daughter as you work. In exchange, you would be giving that child a place to spend her day while your child got a playmate. Is there an elderly person on your block who might be lonely? Invite her to spend a few hours being ‘grandma’. My point is that you and your baby need some help here, and my best advice is to get creative and transform your definition of both childcare and family. There are people whose needs might dovetail with yours and everyone will benefit. If all else fails, enjoy your baby and do your work while she naps or after her bedtime. If you have a partner, he or she might help out by going to work a bit later and doing early morning duty so you can get some extra rest. You will figure this out – but you don’t have to do it alone. Really. Roslyn Ann Duffy answered in Discipline 11 months ago Answer, comment & read 6 more answers »

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  How do you discipline a baby?

  3 0 I can remember this one as if it were yesterday! What the two of you are discovering is what a great power struggle team you make. This is a good time to nip that skill in the bud! First – stop talking and act, and by ‘act’ I mean distr-act. Pick him up and find something else to interest him. Second – make your home as much of a ‘yes’ place as possible. That means putting the ‘no’ items out of reach or inaccessible, which leads to: the third point – say ‘yes’ more than ‘no’. Notice how often he hear ‘no’. Not only will he repeat it, but he finds it gets lots of re’act’ion (not the kind of ‘act’ I was referring to). In, Positive Discipline the First Three Years, we talk a lot about ‘NO’. For a more in-depth look at this subject, I am posting an excerpt from the book on this topic on my website: www.RoslynDuffy.com. Click on the ‘featured articles’ link on the home page to find the ‘Avoid No’ article. Roslyn Ann Duffy answered in Discipline 11 months ago Answer, comment & read 8 more answers »

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  How can I get my toddler to be nice to her sister?

  4 0 You seem to give a few clues into this problem with your depictions of each child: the younger child as ‘super-cute, funny, chatty . . . little wench’. The older sister is ‘mostly’ wonderful and loving’, but you don’t mention any cute, cuddly qualities etc about her. I suspect this younger one has more than her older sister 'wrapped around her finger'. My guess is that the younger one gets lots of attention for the rebuffs to her sister. Try ignoring her unkindness (especially resist describing it to others when she is in earshot). Then give your own attention, warmth, hugs and cuddles to the older child. You can’t make the younger sister love her sibling, but you can let your older daughter know how lovable she is and how much you love her while letting the younger one know that her rejection is neither cute nor worthy of your time and attention. Roslyn Ann Duffy answered in Discipline 11 months ago Answer, comment & read 3 more answers »

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  Bedtime tips! I need em. My 3yr. old sings, gets water, goes potty, anything to not be sleeping. She's stretched her bedtime from 8:30 to now 10pm

  0 0 I liked Vinnie's answer to this. Because the question has come up in a few variations, I posted another 'featured article' on my web page (an excerpt from the Top Ten Preschool Parenting Problems). It contains more suggestions than I could fit here. Just click on the 'featured articles' image when you go to my web site and then choose the 'bedtime' article. Hope you find it useful and that you all have more restful evenings in your future! (www.RoslynDuffy.com) Roslyn Ann Duffy answered in Parenting Q&A about 1 year ago Answer, comment & read 7 more answers »

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