About Rachel Venning

Co-Owner of Babeland

Recent posts

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  Is it acceptable to tell your gay neighbor that taking his male cat to the dog beauty salon is "so very, very gay"?

  1 0 It's all in why you're saying it. There's nothing wrong with being stereotypical and god knows it's stereotypical for gay men to tease, so if it's all in fun, go ahead and joke. You'll both be living up to archetypes, and that's fine. If you truly object to people acting in stereotypically gay ways, then best keep your opinions to yourself- that internalized homophobia is no fun for anyone, least of all you. Rachel Venning answered in Gay Pride 11 months ago Answer, comment & read 6 more answers »

• Comment on Anna Kaminski MD's answer…

  2 0 Is your vagina allergic to men? I hear the lesbians are recruiting! ;-) Rachel Venning commented about 1 year ago

• Comment on Rachel Venning's answer…

  0 0 State of mind isn't really a "just." And in this case it seems like your body, through holding your vagina really tight, is telling you something. Is it? If not, keep working on relaxing, arousal lube etc. as you have been. Maybe see a sex therapist for support. You're concerned that your guy should experience sex with someone he deeply loves. But shouldn't he certainly experience it with someone who truly wants to do it? And for their own selfish reasons, not out of pity or obligation? In my mind, lack of sexual chemistry is a major relationship problem, but maybe for you & him it's not so important. From my limited insight into this, I see a couple who have been together since high school, for 9 years. That's a long time and I see how you would want to keep it going. But is this really working? If it's a problem you'll carry forward with you whoever you're with, then by all means work on it with him. I recommend the book Passionate Marriage to couples who are working to get the spark back. Maybe it would help you two. Rachel Venning commented about 1 year ago

• Comment on Heather Corinna's answer…

  0 0 Put's me in mind of the Olivia Newton John song... let's get physical- "let me hear your body talk" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHiBhpmGd4E Rachel Venning commented about 1 year ago

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  Communication During Sex?

  1 0 There's got to be a "meet in the middle." You want to communicate, he wants total silence. How bout some monosyllables? Things like "good?" and "yeah", and "slow" and "yes." I just hate it when people are determined that they cannot change at all. Of course believing that makes it true doesn't it, because it preempts the trying. But how to do it so he isn't defensive? make it about your desire to communicate not about his desire for silence. Maybe you could do some horse trading- promise some totally silent sex one time which will be awesome for him, and the next time get some verbiage happening, which will be super for you. One thing is that the time to talk about it is not while it's happening! And not in the bedroom, somewhere neutral. His first reaction may be defensiveness, but hopefully he wants sex to be really great for you too, and after sitting with it a bit (I'm guessing he'll need to mull it over in silence) he'll work with you to find something that works for you both. Good luck! p.s. I totally agree about the anal sex scenario! Rachel Venning answered in Lady Sex about 1 year ago Answer, comment & read 5 more answers »

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  What general sex ed manual to you recommend?

  0 0 Guide to Getting it on is great. Claire (co-owner of Babeland) and I wrote a book called Moregasm that is a general sex manual, skewed toward the ladies. It came out this year, lots of pictures, easy to read, wry. Those are my two faves. Rachel Venning answered in Lady Sex about 1 year ago Answer, comment & read 3 more answers »

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  I would love to hear your thoughts on heterosexual polyamory.

  0 0 I've seen Poly relationships that work for women. One friend in particular had two relationships going for years, one with a man that she married along the way, the other with a boyfriend (that relationship continued both before and after the wedding). There were other shenanigans as well, not purely het, but as Heather points out, things get complex. So that worked for her, but will it work for you? I recommend Tristan Taormino's book Opening Up, which digs into it in way more depth. Poly is not for everybody, but if it isn't for you, no need to universalize that to all women. And a preference for monogamy doesn't make you an uptight stick in the mud either. What's important is creating the life you want. ***readers, check out my blog on sex & parenting at: Momsinbabeland.com or the how-to section at babeland.com for tons of sex info & advice Rachel Venning answered in Lady Sex about 1 year ago Answer, comment & read 8 more answers »

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  What do you know about kegal pods?

  1 0 It just so happens that Babeland's site has an article on How to Use Smartballs, which from the look of them are similar to what you have. Here's the cliff notes: The balls are like gym equipment for your cootch. Try inserting one or both of them and then tugging on the string with your hand, while tugging the other way with your PC muscles. Or skip the internal tug of war and just do some clench and releases around the pods. By all means wear them to work! As long as you don't work in an ER, driving a bus, or at the Stumptown on Pine St. (we babelanders like our coffee carefully attended too). Speaking of work, they don't so much work for you, as you work them. Like most exercise, you get out of it what you put into it! @font-face { font-family: "Cambria"; }@font-face { font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; }p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal { margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman"; }a:link, span.MsoHyperlink { color: blue; text-decoration: underline; }a:visited, span.MsoHyperlinkFollowed { color: purple; text-decoration: underline; }div.Section1 { page: Section1; } ***readers, check out my blog on sex & parenting at: Momsinbabeland.com or the how-to section at babeland.com for tons of sex info & advice Rachel Venning answered in Lady Sex about 1 year ago Answer, comment & read 2 more answers »

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  Long term relationship, no desire

  1 0 You don't want to have sex with him and you never did, and you don't want to be his continuing source of sexual frustration. Let him go. You don't owe him anything but kindness and honesty. And give yourself some of that too. "Getting yourself" to have sex with him sounds awful, and you both deserve more. Find someone or something you really want to do. There's a whole world of really energetic, exuberant connection out there. Go find it! ***readers, check out my blog on sex & parenting at: Momsinbabeland.com or the how-to section at babeland.com for tons of sex info & advice Rachel Venning answered in Lady Sex about 1 year ago Answer, comment & read 3 more answers »

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  How does an inexperienced lesbian bring up safe sex?

  1 0 Will you come off as a total freak?No. Is it smart? Yes. Is it unusual? A little bit. What is it about lesbians? Most lesbians don't use barriers, or if they do, they stop after a few times. I think it's the same mentality that leads to U-hauls on the third date. The oxytocin is flowing, and rational judgement gets swept away. Safe sex is a decision and a commitment a person makes to themselves. So this is something you're doing for yourself. And it makes it about you, not the other person. You'll be more likely to stick with it if you're clear with yourself about your limits before soaking in that lovemaking hormone bath. UW has a site, lesbianstd.com, that has all the deets on different infections and how to protect yourself. The basics- Saran Wrap for oral, gloves for finger fucking, and be wary of kissing someone with a cold sore. If you want to get fancy, spring for glyde dams and black latex gloves at babeland. For how long will you do this? A couple years seems excessive if you are monogamous. It's hard to put a timeline on trust, but 6 months (the safe amount of time between two negative HIV tests) is typical. As for how to begin to discuss it, just say it when you start talking about sex. As in "I'm so excited to be with you. I'm commited to safe sex, is that cool with you?" Since she wants in your pants as much as you want in hers, she'll probably say yes.   ***readers, check out my blog on sex & parenting at: momsinbabeland.com or the how-to section at babeland.com for tons of sex info & advice @font-face { font-family: "Cambria"; }p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal { margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman"; }a:link, span.MsoHyperlink { color: blue; text-decoration: underline; }a:visited, span.MsoHyperlinkFollowed { color: purple; text-decoration: underline; }div.Section1 { page: Section1; }   Rachel Venning answered in Lady Sex about 1 year ago Answer, comment & read 3 more answers »

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