About madrona

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  How much freedom should a 15-year-old get?

  0 0 I think there are two separate issues here: 1) Academics. A 3.5 GPA student who just brought home a D has definitely stumbled into some kind of big problem at school. It's unlikely that her bad grade is the result of too much after-school freedom. So, I'd deal first with the D, expressing supportive concern. What happened there? Is she feeling bad about it? Does it matter to her? Does she need help navigating some school snarl? What is it about that class that isn't working out for her? How are her other grades? 2)Freedom. Personally, my approach with my kids (both academically successful, both now grown up) was to give them lots of trust and freedom, and lots of messages that I trusted them because they were honest and trustworthy. Then they lived up to how I perceived them, most of the time. As a 15-year-old freshman, my younger daughter had to call me if she wasn't going to be home by 6, so I wouldn't worry. Often she had debate or play practice that ran late. And two Metro buses to take. I wouldn't automatically remove freedoms in response to a bad grade unless it was clear that she was hanging with a bad crowd and didn't care about grades. But when my kids were freshmen, I also made them create a grid of things-to-be-done and a schedule of when they'd be doing them. Not punitively, but time-management is a crushing task for today's high-schoolers, and they need lots of training and support in learning it. For good students, it pretty much became true (as the kids often proclaimed) that you could only have 2 of the following: sleep, friends, good grades. madrona answered in Teens & Tweens about 1 year ago Answer, comment & read 8 more answers »

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  What are some reasonable boundaries for a parent going through a separation/divorce process to have with their teenage kids?

  1 0 One other item, in addition to the points already made so beautifully by Cheryl: Even if you're having a rough day, DO NOT use your children as confidantes. When they're teens, sometimes they'll make an effort to take the fellow-adult friend role. Don't fall for it. They really don't want to know any details of your love life or relationship pain. Really. They want to know that you're handling yourself and that you're still the grownup. I mean, if you had a hellish day at work and then burned dinner, sure, go ahead and make a bid for sympathy and help. But if you got a nasty email from your ex and you're bursting from the injustice of it, bite your tongue. You can just say, "yeah, it's been a tough day. I think I'll go to bed early tonight, so I'll be ready for tomorrow." And then you can lock yourself in your room, turn on some music, and cry absolutely silently. madrona answered in Other Family & Kids about 1 year ago Answer, comment & read 2 more answers »

• Comment on Cheryl's answer…

  0 0 Wow, these are all exactly right. I can concur on the number 1 point; I also had a 12 year old, and had exactly the same thing happen. We didn't really get past the estrangement until she was in college. The number 3 point (same rules at each house) is definitely ideal but not always possible. My ex calmly told me that one of the benefits of not being married to me anymore was that he didn't have to deal with my values / beliefs anymore. And that how he ran his house was his business, as long as our daughter's basic needs were being met. What can you do? The number 6 point, not to speak ill of the ex, was absolutely crucial. The thing to remember is, your child identifies with both parents. So if you criticize the ex, your child will feel criticized and unloved. Best of luck to you and your kid(s)! madrona commented about 1 year ago

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  How do I know my baby is getting enough when he's nursing?

  0 0 Just adding to Renee Beebe's excellent answer: I'm not an expert, but I happily breastfed two healthy babies. My experience was that nursing wasn't something that I did a countable number of times each day. It was just part of what the baby and I did together, intermittently. If you have any doubt about the baby getting enough, just offer your breast again. It's a great first solution for any kind of fussiness. Sometimes I would sit there with a baby latched on for a long long time while I read a book. I just kind of relaxed into it and didn't worry or count. Sometimes they want to nurse just because they're cranky or tired. You really can't overdo it! And the more the baby sucks, the more milk your breasts produce. Sometimes the baby would surprise me and sleep almost the whole night without nursing. Sometimes we'd be nursing every twenty minutes for an afternoon. They're not very scheduled creatures, but it's easy to offer food when the source is right there. madrona answered in Pregnancy & Newborn about 1 year ago Answer, comment & read 2 more answers »

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  What should I do with heaps of nettles?

  2 0 Make nettle noodles! Imagine brilliant green pasta, with the fragrance of nettles, and some kind of creamy white sauce over it with roasted red pepper accents. You take the nettles and put them in the blender with the other wet ingredients for the pasta dough: eggs and olive oil. (1 T of olive oil for every 3 eggs, blenderized with enough fresh raw nettle leaves to make a deep dark green paste.) Work flour into the paste (I like a mix of semolina flour and white pastry flour.) Just keep kneading in enough flour til it's an elastic ball of dough, then let it rest for half an hour. Roll out, either in a pasta machine or by hand. If a machine, then to #4 thinness on the machine dial. Cut into noodles, hang to dry for a while, cook the usual way. These are intense, because the nettles are raw, but they don't sting the mouth. But the flavor is earthy and pure springtime. madrona answered in Other-Food & Drink about 1 year ago Answer, comment & read 10 more answers »

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