Yup, this.

How does Pride Week contributes to the derailment of homophobia? As one component of the larger struggle toward visibility, acceptance, and normalization. And that one component -- one week per year when the gay community celebrates publicly -- lets all of us know that gay people are here and proud and celebrating themselves with the affirmation of the larger, straight community. So in a way it's pragmatic (letting kids know they're not alone, stirring up new activist blood), but in another way it's symbolic; it symbolizes our acceptance, openness and humanity. That feels good. (It's about love, when it comes down to it.) It also symbolizes sexual freedom -- Pride is liberating for everyone. That makes homophobia look pretty boring and unattractive.

There will always be people who are put off by Pride parades, but that's because they are put off by gays, or gay sexuality, or perhaps sexuality, period. For the rest of us, Pride affirms something very positive about who we are.

One more thing: I think it's fine to not be into Pride. Honestly. It's fine to be put off by the overt sexuality, just as it's fine to be put off by overt sexuality in a painting or a Hollywood movie. If you don't like it, you don't have to go. But no, I don't think it's a hindrance. Maybe, for someone like that, an annoyance, at worst.

Wait -- "comfort closeted homosexuals"?

I see. This is like arguing that the women's rights movement was a hindrance to the cause of women's rights, because it made some traditional women uncomfortable. Or that civil rights activists were a hindrance to the cause of civil rights because "People tend to support what they can relate to" and "Most people can't relate to [a crowd of protesting black folks"].

Do you get what I'm saying?

"I guess I just don’t understand how foisting sexual innuendo will somehow comfort closeted homosexuals or re-invigorate a sense of community."

First of all, Pride Week isn't just about sex, which is what you're fixating on. But having pride in gay sexual expression is an important part of it, because that is exactly the thing homophobes think gays should be most ashamed of. Putting it out there is a way of saying, I'm not ashamed of this, I celebrate it, because it's part of me and damn it, I think it's beautiful. That message *does* draw people out of the closet, it *does* foster a sense of community -- whether you approve or not.

And why should Pride Week be devoid of sexual expression when straight culture is dripping with it? Hollywood movies, music videos, fashion shows, billboards, art galleries... heterosexual desire is being celebrated all around us, all the time. Is that a problem for you, too, or is it just the once-a-year Pride Week that bothers you so much?

capicola, a quick update: this advice was golden. Walking away didn't work (she wouldn't let me) but the restraint and the "I" messages did. I'm so glad to have learned this. Thank you!

Good points, Basil. And I knew I'd get downvotes for this! But it is an option that some girls would be more comfortable using, especially if he's the type of guy who doesn't take an abrupt "no thanks" very well. I've definitely met guys who are not "totally fine with the rejection" (as you phrased it above), although clearly you're not one of them.

And yeah, if he's part of your regular social circle (as she did state) this would likely backfire. I was imagining something more random than that.

Had I checked, I would have seen that you covered all my points already. Great answer!

Kip... thank you. I'm glad to hear your family got through this.

You are right about everything. Especially the part about forgiveness. I'll take your advice.

Wow, you really want to stick it to me, don't you? First, I am very familiar with codependency and its implications. That's why I am ending this friendship. Second, this wasn't my "plan"; I was trying to make a choice. Third, I don't need coddling -- note the answer I gave the mushroom to -- just basic respect, thanks. Fourth, I didn't describe her positive characteristics because I didn't want to write a 10 page essay, so I figured intelligent people would take my word for it. Fifth, helping someone who asks for support after her husband leaves her IS treating her like a human being, plus we had a lot of good times together, but I'm not going to write a novel about this. Sixth, you don't know shit about dealing with narcissists, so blow it out your ass. And seventh, please, please reply again with more attacks. I can't wait to hear what you say next!

The "diagnosis" was just a description, and it helped me more than anyone. That seems to be the hardest thing to get across. It was the key that pulled everything together. Imagine being close to someone who is slowly going mad and has convinced you that she is the only sane one, and when you finally start to gently question her version of reality, this sweet person starts to lash out in all these subtle and devious ways. After two years -- it's hard to describe how painful and confusing it was. The NPD description made sense of everything.

Anyway, you are right, distance is what I need. I need to forget about her for a good long while. Thanks for the advice.