About Sally Kidder Davis, PCI Parent Coach at Parent Well

Your Portal to Information, expertise and support in the most important job you will ever do - Parenting

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  What can we do to prepare?

  1 0 Best advice I ever heard was from Daniel Siegel, MD, author of 'Parenting from the Inside Out'. He did a workshop in Seattle a couple of years ago. In response to the same question he said, "When parents deal with their own stuff, then they will be able to be good parents." I mention this because parenting teenagers inevitably brings up 'stuff' from our own teen years and sometimes those experiences create fear which can get in the way of consciously parenting our children. I like Siegel's books - that one in particular is quite good. Other authors to look at are Wendy Mogul ('Blessings of a B-Minus' is her latest), Michael Bradley ("Yes, Your Teen is Crazy" is my favorite), and Laura Kastner ('Getting to Calm' is great - and she's even better in person). I'm also a big fan of the 'Five Love Languages for Children (and Teenagers)' by Gary Chapman. If I could pick one parenting strategy that has had the most impact on my clients (and on my own family) it would be understanding a child's love language. I'm sure you've heard all the research about eating dinner together so I won't belabor that one. I do recommend family meetings once a week if possible. I have a handout I can send you if you want some guidelines on how to run a family meeting. Dessert was a key ingredient in our house! Chores? If the girls don't have routine chores, now is a good time to start. Allowance? Lots of theories around allowance. I recommend keeping chores and allowance separate. I think the purpose of an allowance is to teach children the skill of managing money and what it means to be a good consumer, but not all 'experts' agree with me, so I suggest you find a system that works best for your family. Last thought - just read an enlightening article in The Atlantic: "How to Land Your Kid in Therapy" http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/07/how-to-land-your-kid-in-therapy/8555/2/ Parenting is far from a perfect science but our efforts to be perfect parents may be handicapping our children. Food for thought. Last last thought - have fun with your girls. Humor can definitely help deflect some awkward teen moments!! Sally Kidder Davis, PCI Parent Coach at Parent Well answered in Teens & Tweens 10 months ago Answer, comment & read 6 more answers »

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  0 0 Here are three links I like on cybersafety http://www.netsmartz.org/CellPhones http://www.bobbieeisenstock.com/new-media-new-rules.html http://www.bobbieeisenstock.com/articles.html Sally Kidder Davis, PCI Parent Coach at Parent Well commented 10 months ago

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  The sullen attitude--how to deal with it?

  1 0 It's so hard to watch your child withdraw. And it's natural to want to rescue them from any pain, physical or emotional. That's what we do best. Giving him space is important. And keeping some form of communication open as well. Sometimes my kids will respond to a text instead of a face to face conversation. If he's dodging chores, then he needs to be accountable. But I would want to know what he is doing when he's withdrawing - watching TV, gaming, texting, chatting online with friends. If so, does your family have rules around using media? And is there a family history of depression? It's always good to rule that out, then you know you are just dealing with teenage stuff. And they are dealing with so much these days, their stress meters are off the charts. That begs the question - how stressed is he? School, sports, relationships can add up to an unmanageable amount of stress. We tend to underestimate the amount of stress these kids are dealing with today. Sounds like he has a pretty supportive parent! Be Well Sally Kidder Davis, PCI Parent Coach at Parent Well answered in Teens & Tweens 10 months ago Answer, comment & read 5 more answers »

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  Cell phones and tweens

  2 0 Hi Roger, My first thought is that this technology is not going away, as much as most of us parents would like it to!! And the reality is that our children are digital natives, while we're digital immigrants. This technology is second nature to them which makes our job all the more challenging when it comes to monitoring our children's social networking activities. So, how does a parent navigate this quagmire? In my opinion twelve is not too young to start the process of teaching your nephew how to use a cell phone responsibly. And your sister can do that by giving him a cell phone 'with parameters' such as: 1. Limit texting options - available thru the cell phone carrier 2. Use only during the day - returns to Mom at a time she determines (most of my clients have asked that phones be returned to them at bedtime) 3. Charge it whenever possible - saying the battery died is a very popular excuse for not answering the phone. 4. Help him understand that having a cell phone is a privilege, not a right and responsibilities come with privileges. 5. Who pays for it when it gets lost (it will) or broken (that too)? We handled that by buying insurance and expecting our children to pay the deductible. Safety is a concern. Middle schoolers seem to get themselves in the most trouble - and it make sense when you think about where their brain development is (or is not!). I would suggest your sister check out some cybersafety websites - which I will post later today. Sally Kidder Davis, PCI Parent Coach at Parent Well answered in Teens & Tweens 10 months ago Answer, comment & read 5 more answers »

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