About Dr. Rob Lehman at Great Conversations

Great Conversations. About Growing Up. Together.

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  How do you tell your 14 year old that the place he's experimenting with masterbation isn't as private as he thinks it is?

  1 0 First, you are doing great by stating that masturbation is a common and normal behavior in men of all ages but certainly in teen boys. Perhaps one of the hardest conversations for a parent to have (based on the infrequency of them), but it is a great opportunity to discard many of the myths and pre-conceived notions boys have about masturbation. Although I normalize it when speaking about it, I also say it's generally a private thing, like sex by one's self, and I make jokes about where one would not do it (dinner table, math class, etc.). Kids get lots of messages from the all over about sex being bad or forbidden, so it's a challenge explaining why masturbation should not be done in an easily seen way. Remember, he's an early teen who does not have the sophisticated knowledge you do about the consequences of things. Guiding him to appropriate places (bathroom/bedroom) and times (not when someone's likely to enter) would be helpful. Dr. Rob Lehman at Great Conversations answered in Teens & Tweens 4 months ago Answer, comment & read 7 more answers »

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  At what point can we assume our son is becoming sexual active?

  2 0 I couldn't resist adding in here... Your question has several aspects to it. The other experts already gave you great info on male puberty and what to expect. The other issue you mention is sexuality, specifically, masturbation and "screwing around." First, though most guys masturbate at some point, there are some who don't - getting very reliable data on that is tough, given people's reluctance to admit it even on anonymous surveys. The important thing is being able to discuss these things with your son, as hard as that might be, or at least giving him access to reliable resources on it. Continuing to tell myths on masturbation (will make you go blind, or go crazy, or your penis will fall off, etc.) never dissuaded guys from doing it, but did create an awful lot of anguish and guilt. As far as sexual intercourse, half of guys will report not having had sex by the end of high school (depending on data source you read and your specific community/family/culture) - so you got time on that. Plenty of time to talk with your son about sexual activity, its positives and negatives, and what beliefs and expectations your family has on it. There are several resources, including classes around Puget Sound, to help families with that important discussion, too. Dr. Rob Lehman at Great Conversations answered in Teens & Tweens 10 months ago Answer, comment & read 4 more answers »

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