About ohthecomplicationsofrelationships

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• Comment on Arsenic7's answer…

  0 0 I appreciate you guys offering your opinions so much! Definitely some solid perspectives. I've really been trying to sort through this the last few days and I've been pretty upfront about it with him and vocalizing my frustration and letting him see that I'm getting bored and annoyed. And.....he's been responding. We had the best sex we've had last night and this morning, and he got me off (wha?!?), like really good. I think I discovered that the problem was more than him in some ways, too. I've always been with really aggressive guys before him who take the lead and I've just never realized how much I was going along for the ride with them, not really HAVING to do some of the leading. My current boyfriend is a little more passive then that, like I think we're kind of on the same page I'm realizing. He likes to be dominated and I'm luckily getting to a place in my sexuality where I feel able to access that. I was noticing myself get nervous the other night because I was really showing him my sexual side completely, which I think is scarier than normal because 1) I haven't been as emotional interested in the other people I've been with, so I didn't mind about doing something that was potentially not their style as much 2) I'm leading things. I think I can come to learn to loveeee leading things (with balance, I want him to lead sometimes too), I just didn't realize that's what he prefers right now, but it does seems to be the case. Once he saw me getting off and leading things, he got crazy turned on like I haven't seen him too often before and was really getting into it. With me taking the lead I was better able to control how everything was going and I slowed him down. I think I'm just going to have to keep reinforcing the fact that if he just jumps into things, it wont feel good for me, I HAVE to be warmed up to enjoy it. And I realize I wasn't able to adequately explain our dynamic in my brief synopsis of our relationship, so I think it's important to really emphasize how much I do care about him as a person all around. We still are super affectionate physically in other ways (cuddling, kissing, holding hands, etc.), and we just mesh in a really awesome way. He's the first guy I've felt really solid in believing that he adores me. He just is one of those folks who does thoughtful little things that mean a lot, all of the time. He's a good guy with good intentions without a doubt, I feel confident in that judgement. I think our sexual relationship is one that we're going to have to work on a bit and I feel equally to blame in a lot of ways. I think he sometimes has some hesitation to be aggressive with me (which I like) even though I try to let him know he can be because he knows my history and is concerned about making me feel respected and that I'm not just a sex object to him (because I have come out of some previous friends with benefits relationships feeling that way to some degree). I think just as much as he doesn't know jack shit about sex, I honestly don't either. I JUST started to masturbate thanks to that vibrator I got about 2 months ago. Before then I didn't know how to and so I wasn't always the best at directing. I'd still try my best too. I again had always been with aggressive guys who tended to be older and knew what they were doing, so I didn't really have to explain down to the detail what gets me off before (which was crippling in some ways because I never got to really know!), rather would just simply had to say "yeah, that feel so good!" or "that's not doin' it" etc. I think this all is a part of me coming into my sexuality, too. Perhaps even some of my frustrations are directed at myself in some ways. And that's not saying I'm not confident sexually, or have low self esteem (although I most definitely have been there, thus explaining some of my relationships/friends with benefits), rather I think I've been not actively working to change things. That's one things I've been devoting a lot of energy to in this chapter of my life, learning to speak up for my needs and knowing that that's a big fucking priority. Thanks again, I appreciate all of your perspectives, I know that I don't have it all together and am just trying to make the best decisions here, so it helps to get some outsider's perspectives who seem to be a little further along on their journey of sexual empowerment. ohthecomplicationsofrelationships commented 6 months ago

• Comment on Arsenic7's answer…

  0 0 I definitely bring it up, I'm pretty open with him. When I brought up my frustrations with not orgasming, yet him finishing off every time as if that was the finale, he felt hurt by it. I tried to be as gracious with my words as possible, but it does sometimes seem like I'm just doing it for him, since I'm getting little out of it, so that's legitimately not cool (a year and half of meh-sex is a huge sacrifice). I told him tonight about pretty much the gist of what I posted here and he said to just not hold back and that he'd "love to see my hypersexuality", but I'm frustrated with that too. I don't want to keep doing this to a neutral partner who doesn't seem that receptive or interested in bringing the charge back just as strongly. He then basically wished me a good night. I don't think he quite gets it, I'm not getting through to him and the more I miscommunicate the more frustrated I get that I'm not getting through to him. Oh dear...My brain is all fuzzy because I just wacked it for probably an hour out of frustration so that wasn't as concise as I would like it to be. He's just the only boy that's been as nice to me as he has been, so I'm definitely afraid of letting that go for something as small as sex (in the grand scheme of happiness). ohthecomplicationsofrelationships commented 6 months ago

• Comment on Griffin's answer…

  0 0 I hear you and that kind of is an exciting possibility in some ways, but also brings up a lot of guilt almost. If he would step up the sex, our sex would be so hot! We love each other so much. I just might be kidding myself thinking he will eventually do that, I just keep waiting for something to click so I can have tingly sex again, and with him. Whenever I see him being sexy my world melts, its the epitome of hot, it just only happens veryyyy rarely. I just feel kind of lame for toying with the idea of breaking up with a super rad guy who's hands down the coolest, nicest, cutest guy I've ever come across because of my physical desires. I have a good few guy friends who are trying to get in my pants and I know they'd spoil me with awesome sex, but I just don't trust them the way I trust my boyfriend, so I don't even know if opening up my possibilities would fix things the way I want. I NEED so much trust now for sex to be the slightest appealing because of a traumatizing assault that happened about a year and a half ago and sometimes rears its head in the form of panic attacks/flashes of body disgust/fear/confusion, so I'm in a really weird, hard place. Hmmmmmm. Thanks so much for writing. :) ohthecomplicationsofrelationships commented 6 months ago

• Follow Following 3 Boyfriend who projects his sexuality is actually fairly non-responsive, sigh. ohthecomplicationsofrelationships asked in Sex 6 months ago 6 Answers by Griffin, Lilting Missive , BasementDweller3…

• See all of my 1 Question , 0 Answers and 3 Comments