Excellent comment. Your search is going to take longer because you must look for a mate AND a suitable parental figure for your kids. That's a tall order and it won't come easy. But, don't give up.

My partner had custody of his two kids when we met, so I have experience in this area.

Do not lower your standards with respect to guys who want an instant family. The person you date will be an interloper in the beginning because you and your kids are a pre-established family with your own routines, traditions, and customs. A step-parent must exhibit a great deal of patience and self confidence to work through the transition of being an interloper to becoming a member of the family. Guys who want an instant family won't have the patience or self-confidence required of a successful step-parent.

And a bit of advice - Anyone who dates you is saying they want children to be a part of their life. Thus, you need to discuss from the very beginning whether the person you are dating will want children of his own. If he does, then you need to be honest about your willingness to have more children. From our very first date, I made it clear to my partner that I wanted children of my own. (Don't get me wrong I'm close to my step-kids and raised them from age 13 & 11 until they left for college. But, I'll always be their step-parent because they have a mom and a dad. Thus, there's a bond between us, but it's a different type of bond than they have with their mom & dad.) If my partner hadn't been open to having more kids, then we knew we weren't going to be a match. Thankfully, he did want more kids and we have twins (via surrogacy) who are now 3.

Have to disagree with you. It is intrusive to ask if I am the bio-dad or if my partner is the bio-dad. Nobody needs to know that info outside my family.

I listed them but left the question about biological v. adoption blank and decided not to answer the question even if they come to my door. We don't discuss which one of us is the bio dad so I'll just claim we don't know.

But the children I'm referring to are not adopted. They are legally the children of the parent without the need for an adoption. So, they're not adopted and they're not biological.

I totally agree with your line of thought. I was appalled by the question and was even more shocked when the paper published an editorial excusing the question by saying all they did was ask a question.

Nope. The question appeared on the website for the Northwest Florida Daily News, a Freedom Communications newspaper. Some commenters felt the question was inappropriate. Since Seattle is thousands of miles away and the nature of The Stranger is completely different from that of a local, daily newspaper, I wanted to solicit different opinions on the appropriateness or legitimacy of the question.

In an editorial defending itself, the paper wrote, "the Daily News...merely posed a question."