About Sphinx

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• Comment on Amy Lang's answer…

  0 0 It is- The Stand follows about a dozen main characters through a "superflu" epidemic in America and its aftermath. Later in the book King's plot devolves into a quasi-religious supernatural showdown, which I found to be a somewhat boring choice, but I enjoyed the book overall. Part of the allure of that book for me is just its absolute hugeness- I have the "uncut" version and it's chock-a-block full of backstories and vignettes. Sphinx commented 12 days ago

• Comment on Sphinx's answer…

  0 0 The first and most prolonged occasion when I've had this happen was when a friend in junior high decided he was "in love" with me and started showing up at my house in the middle of the night, leaving me bizarre and elaborate love letters, following me at the local park, etc. Luckily, he wasn't dangerous, but this was a super upsetting experience for me. I dealt with it by calmly and seriously telling him he was scaring me and refusing to listen to him argue with me about it, being upfront about what was happening with my parents, teachers, and friends and trying to avoid him as much as possible and he eventually stopped. (I suspect one of my teachers may have intervened, but I don't actually know.) More recently, a man I was in a community college class with was definitely inappropriately interested in me. In the first week of classes I saw him in the hallway before class and asked him for directions to the copy office (where materials for our mutual class were). He obliged, but then obviously felt that me asking for directions put me in his debt and spent the next hour following me around the building and trying to engage in conversation with me. The next night during our class he pushed a note over to my desk that asked me out for coffee and had his number on it. I said, "thanks, but I'm seeing someone." He dropped it, but when he saw me on the bus later that week he came and sat down in my seat and badgered me about why I wouldn't "just" go out for coffee with him. He continued to attempt to engage me in conversation, make comments about my appearance to me and others, stare at me, etc, throughout the quarter. That quarter was pretty uncomfortable for me, but, again, he was never overtly angry towards me, just creepily aggressive/possessive and presumptuous. I dealt with that situation by speaking to my professor during office hours and requesting that she not place me in groups with him for classwork, avoiding putting myself in close proximity to him whenever possible, and being vigilant. But, had he progressed further in invading my personal space, shown up in my life in ways that suggested he was following me, or displayed rage or physical aggression toward me, I would have made a more formal complaint with both the college and the police. Luckily this guy did not know my number, address, email, or last name, so he would have found it somewhat more difficult to push himself farther into my life. I don't know if he was just clueless and mostly harmless in general or whether I ended up to be more trouble to intimidate than he initially surmised, but either way I was glad that the encounter was as curtailed as it ended up being. Most recently, there is a young man who works at a convenience store near my apartment who displays absolutely inappropriate behavior towards me, to the point that I am actually quite frightened of him. When I have been in the store, he follows me around or watches me the entire time (even if there are other customers), insists on speaking with me and getting a response (if I don't respond he yells or slams his fist on the counter to demand my attention) even if I am on the phone or being helped by another clerk, asks personal and inappropriate questions (Where do you work? Where do you live? Do you have a boyfriend? etc.). The last time I was in the store (quite a few months ago), he asked "How is your work at the school going?" I never told him where I worked! So, while is conceivable that he's simply seen me coming in and out of the school (it's in the general area), regardless, this is completely NOT okay. I don't know how to handle this particular situation. What I've chosen to do is tell everyone in my life that there is a young man who works at this store who I believe to be dangerous and that I will not go into this store anymore. I am careful not to be out and about near the store in the evening on my own. I don't think this guy has done anything, yet, that I can take any actual action about, but I know, bone-deep, that given the opportunity, he would. Sorry- I don't actually have that much helpful advice on how to get someone to stop treating you this way. Especially if she has much more access to you in personal life (knowing your address, phone number, etc.). When this has happened to me it hasn't ended in a serious confrontation or physical danger- and hopefully that will be the case for you as well. Again, to me, the rage in your situation is the immediate red flag that would push me to tell people, make a record of telling her to stop all communication, and consider making a formal harassment complaint. Other suggestions I can make would be to keep a record of her continued contacts (emails, texts, or escalations like leaving a note on your car, for example). I think Russ is right about distance- if you're completely unavailable, invisible, and unresponsive, my experiences seem to suggest that this type of person will move on. Again, I'm so sorry this is happening and making you feel scared and unsafe. Sphinx commented 14 days ago

• Follow Following 1

  Would you contact your father, who went to jail for molesting you as a child, if you found out he was dying?

  1 0 I know I'm a bit late out the gate, and I hope my suggestion isn't too obvious, but here goes: I think it might be helpful to try writing him a letter (without the intention of necessarily sending it) in which you can express anything and everything that comes to mind that you need to get out about what he did to you, your relationship before that, and how you feel about him and the abuse now. If I am correctly understanding your question, you haven't seen him since you were a child and a very recent victim of his abuse, both of which limited your agency to express your feelings. Letters are great in that you can say everything you need to without being interrupted or hurt by the other person's response. At the very least, the letter will help you organize your feelings and look at them a bit more objectively than you can when you're just experiencing them- feelings tend to come and go and even conflict, so if you let yourself get everything out in the open it might clarify things and make the decision easier. There is also a possibility that the letter will give you enough closure on its own to resolve your conflicted desire to see him. It may also be difficult and upsetting to the point that you will find that you don't think you can say those things to his face, and that's okay too- if you need to say them but not see him you can send the letter. Regardless of what you eventually decide, it is important that you remember to put your needs first. He has proven that he is unable or unwilling to prioritize your needs, even when that was his entire job as your parent; it is absolutely correct that your only deciding factor here is what YOU need in order to be as comfortable and healed as is possible for you at this moment. And it is okay to let your family know that they need to support your decision and not make you feel guilty or beholden in any way- that obligation was severed when your father broke his most important responsibility toward you, which is, at minimum, to do no harm. Again, stating the obvious, but if you do decide to see him you needn't feel that that must necessitate you forgiving him. I also absolutely want to endorse Bion Satir's suggestion of a therapist to talk to about your experiences- oftentimes the most upsetting and difficult things in our lives are those which we feel afraid or simply unable to tell our friends and which our families cannot support us through with integrity because of their own involvement. [Trigger warning: sexual assault] I can't answer the question of what I would do if it was me. Abuse by a parent is a completely different thing than sexual assault by a non-family member. But, if I had the opportunity to safely confront my attacker, I hope that I would be able to say the things that I could not say when he took my safety away. I hope I would be able to say the things I've been biting back every time I see a movie with a rape scene or hear a rape joke in a bar or am cat-called by a stranger on the bus or the street or wake up shaking and sweating at three in the morning or catch a leering look from a man or hear a formerly harmless phrase. He's the one who changed all of those things forever and irrevocably. I hope that, for myself, I would be able to finally break the silence I couldn't break then. Even if it was just to scream and scream at him. But that hope cannot answer your question of what might be right for you. I do hope that you find an answer for yourself that offers some comfort. Sphinx answered in Whatever 21 days ago Answer, comment & read 7 more answers »

• Follow Following 3

  How to best deal with an unstable person in a "breakup"?

  2 0 I would absolutely trust your gut in this situation. You're the one having the interaction, and it's obviously not okay for you (regardless of how it might make someone else feel). For me the red flag is that when you kindly told her you weren't interested, she responded with anger. A nice, stable person who was just socially awkward would have been embarrassed by their over-exuberance and gotten out of that interaction as gracefully as possible and maybe even apologized- a person who's just confused about your signals usually responds with "Oh, I'm so embarrassed that I misread your signals! Oops! Have a nice life!" So- if she directly threatens you or she continues to harass with phone calls and texts that you have made clear are not welcome (if she contacts you again maybe write an email so you have a record of your request not to contact you) then I think you'd be perfectly justified in filing a police report for harassment. They may not take you super-seriously, but at least you've then got the beginning of a record of the situation if everything goes well and truly pear-shaped. Also, I know you're probably not comfortable telling Q'land her name and yours, but you should tell some close friends what is going on and that you are somewhat concerned about what she might do next. It's good to have support, and the more people know the better they can help to keep you safe and comfortable in this kind of situation. In short, when somebody is repeatedly contacting you and acting as though they are entitled to your attention when you've told them that you are not interested and they are making you uncomfortable, you should never, ever doubt your instincts. That person has already shown they have no respect for your boundaries or your feelings, and they are not a safe person to be around. I know we women are often taught to be polite and to give attention to everyone who wants it (especially those who are paying us the "compliment" of foisting their sexual attention upon us) but it is not our responsibility to give attention, patience, and emotional responses to any person who scares us or makes us uncomfortable. Also, I'm so sorry this is happening to you, RM. I've had similar (though thankfully short-lived) interactions with male acquaintances, and it is unsettling and frightening. One thing I always try to remember is that a person who will ignore your emotional boundaries is often one who will ignore your physical boundaries as well, and it is always better to trust yourself and be wrong by being pleasantly surprised than to trust someone else and be wrong and be harmed or terrorized. Finally, do not let yourself feel guilty about this woman's irrational reaction to you- regardless of what she thinks you said/meant, you are only responsible for your own actions, not how she chooses to act or how she feels. Sphinx answered in Relationships 21 days ago Answer, comment & read 4 more answers »

• Follow Following 3

  What's the Best Way to store a freshly baked pie?

  3 0 Russ is probably absolutely right about the safest option, but at my house we always just leave it on the counter with a thin, clean cloth over the top. The crust stays crumbly instead of mushing and the filling keeps its consistency. I probably wouldn't do this for long, though- pies usually don't last even 48 hours in the Sphinx family. Sphinx answered in Cooking Tips & Tricks about 1 month ago Answer, comment & read 4 more answers »

• Follow Following 1

  is there anywhere to get halal-cart food in seattle?

  1 0 I believe that there is a converted espresso stand in the parking lot of the Post Office at 1110 23rd Avenue that serves Halal food to go, but I can't find anything on it online and I've never been there, I just used to live in the area and go by it on the bus. Sorry I can't be more specific! If you're in the area it might be worth a look to see if I'm right/ it's still there. Sphinx answered in Eating Out about 1 month ago Answer, comment & read 3 more answers »

• Comment on bpmc's answer…

  1 0 This is, truly, more like what I actually do. I just wondered if there was a better way. Clearly, there's no magical way to get people to say your name correctly. And, while I do think there are "things" in my life, I definitely wouldn't consider this to be one of them, so I'm not going to sweat it. Sphinx commented 2 months ago

• Comment on ozchick's answer…

  0 0 Yeah, ozchick, I think my question is coming off as more serious than it was. I usually will just introduce myself and correct maybe once or twice, and then let it go. But it does make me uncomfortable, and like I said, I'm too shy to keep pressing the issue, so I thought people might have some other strategies to suggest. Sphinx commented 2 months ago

• Comment on protosaurus's answer…

  2 0 Wow, aggressive much? I didn't say I think it's a conspiracy or intentional, but I do think that a lot of the time the person in question chooses not to make the effort to change what they've already settled on calling me even when I gently correct them. And I do find that rude. I'm not saying you don't have trouble with names, I'm sure you do. But this happens to me on a daily basis, so obviously all these people do not have issues with pronunciation (especially when they say everything else correctly). Also, having your name spelled incorrectly is different than having people call you something that isn't your name. Sphinx commented 2 months ago

• Comment on internet_jen's answer…

  0 0 Actually, it's *exactly* like that, Jen. But it's not just ESL people who can't say it correctly, like I said, we're talking about 60% of people who meet me. Sphinx commented 2 months ago

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