Having given a couple of these things, I think it's probably a good idea to steer away from any canned jokes for the most part. Keeping it relatively short, sweet, and to the point is a good idea. I tell a couple of jokes, make everyone laugh, say one or two poignant things, give the actual toast and then get the fuck out of there.

But I've always been fond of this closer: "To the bride and groom, may you love each other more than yesterday but less than tomorrow."

Alka Seltzer is a miracle hangover cure. Settles the stomach, and it has ibuprofin in it as well.

I assure you that you will rock the faces of EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the room/bar 100% of the time if you sing Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart.

Year One is essential. I have mixed feelings about Frank Miller's entries, but regardless of what I think they've become "classic" Batman.

It's technically more of a Superman story and not even canon at that, but "Red Son" is an alternate timeline one-off where you get to see Batman as a sort of crazy Cossack, complete with a furry headcap instead of a cowl.

I always demand a Bill of Rights upon entering any FWB arrangement, and the first is that either party can terminate the arrangement at any time for any reason with no questions asked. A simple "Hey, it was fun but I think I'd like to break it off now" and I'm outta there.

This technique has never cost me the actual "friends" portion of the relationship.

I realize this is probably way too late to answer YOUR question, but for posterity maybe this will help a future question-surfer.

First, I also endorse the Portland road trip, and Union Jack's is great... especially if you are into tattooed girls! Portland strip clubs are just way better than Seattle ones.

But if it absolutely MUST be in Seattle, there are two options not mentioned elsewhere here:

1) Ricks on Lake City has been generally better than the other two strip clubs I've been to in town (including Deja Vu), and hey! The Feds raided them once upon a time for a reason!

2) The really big option nobody here is mentioning is that you can hire a stripper to come to YOU, thereby avoiding all those pesky "laws." She (or they) will do a show for a flat fee, and there's usually some lap-dance type things you can do later for additional money. It's not too expensive if everyone chips in.

One last point of order: Never, EVER under any circumstances go to the Sands. That is all.