Oh, and since you're new to Seattle, I should probably tell you that if you adopt my Eastside/Eastern Washington definitions people will sneer at you, because they are wrong.

Yeah, the sign is horrible, but the food is good.

I am a TERRIBLE singer and a worse musician. When I touch any instrument, dogs prick up their ears and run away. When I sing, roosters commit suicide.

Oh, I'm a moron, it's not Lloyd Webber at all -- it just sounds like him. It's some French dude instead. But Les Mis is of the Lloyd Webber school. Bleargh.

That wasn't a date, Elenchos. And trust me, if you did your own laundry you would have seen the seal.

Mr. Poe is right. I suck, and I enjoy the Wii a great deal. That's me on the lower left.

Oh, trashy is right. You have to go to Kent or Renton, though. http://seattlebikinibaristas.com/

But not always; a few months ago a bikini barista was quick enough to throw boiling water on a flasher. Good for her.

To keep you safe, KG.

Some drive-thru espresso stands in the hick areas on the outskirts of Seattle -- Renton, Kent -- have girls in bikinis making and serving the coffee drinks. This is titillating for a certain kind of moron.

No, it just means we never want to see your hairstyle or beard again.